Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ten Days of Thanksgiving: Day 9

Today I am thankful that I am back with my former employer.

For those of you who have read my blog for awhile, you know that I changed jobs this spring. This post has been brewing in my head for quite awhile, so I should warn you - it's a lengthy one.
Last October, I started what I thought would be my dream job at a company that I now refer to as "The Psych Experiment." I got the job offer through my MBA programs recruitment process and was on cloud 9 when I started. I was excited to work for this company and having met with multiple people within the organization, I thought it was going to be the perfect fit.

I couldn't have been more wrong... For reasons I won't go into, the position was not a great fit. Add in the fact that my manager and I did not see eye to eye on things, and, well, it was the makings of the perfect storm.

But I put on a happy face and kept telling myself it would get better. I told myself - just get through this first 18 month rotation and then you can look for something different. I am many things, but a quitter is not one of them.

By the time my birthday rolled around, though, I was crumbling. My dad called to wish me a happy birthday and innocently asked, "How's work?"

I started sobbing. I let down my guard and told him how awful work was. I told him how each day I would drive home and say to myself, "I used to be smart, right? I used to be capable and confident and successful, right? Where is that girl?"

I think my dad was in shock. My parents knew I was stressed and probably not all that happy, but I don't think they realized just how unhappy I was. And I don't think I realized it either until I put those feelings into words.

In March, I made the decision to leave this organization, a short 5 months after I started. I contacted my former employer and they re-hired me. I should also note that I am so thankful that I did not burn bridges.

I would be lying if I said the transition back to my former employer has been an easy one, because it hasn't. I still feel a sense of shame over everything that happened. I feel like I should have been able to make it work at The Psych Experiment. I feel sadness and disappointment.

But I am also slowly but surely healing from this experience. And while it's been a difficult year for me, I am so thankful to be back with my former employer. Am I in the perfect position? No, I'm not. But I am surrounded by fun co-workers. I have a boss that supports me, encourages me, and gives me positive feedback. I work for a company where I thrive in their culture. And I am making steps to work towards securing a position that will be a better fit and will utilize my math major and my MBA.

I'm excited to see what the year to come holds.

And I am ready to put all that happened in early 2010 in the past.

19 comments:

abbi said...

You tried something that didn't work out but now you know. I'm sure that time was very difficult, but at least you don't have that 'What if..." thing going on! Happy to hear you are back at a job/company that you enjoy - makes life so much better.

Jess said...

I agree with Abbi - it was good that you had the chance to get out there and try it. You won't be wondering what it was going to be like for the rest of your life. I also don't think you should be disappointed in yourself. By all accounts, that place sounded absolutely terrible. Considering the amount of time we all spend at work, finding an environment that doesn't leave us stressed and depressed when we get home at the end of the day is necessary. Glad you were able to go back!

Becky said...

I know this is easier said than done, but you should not have any kind of shame over not being able to make it work at the psych experiment. You are a wonderful, hard-working woman, and a place that's going to crush that (instead of encourage it), is not worth your time or stress. So happy you're in a better working environment now!

Stephany said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this and I understand feeling shame about not being able to make it work. But I'm glad you're back at a place you're more comfortable at. :)

Leigh said...

I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about regarding your former position. The position and company sounded great on paper, but didn't turn out to be the perfect fit for you. You tried it, and learned from it.

I think you should hold your head up high that you had the courage to leave when you did!

Marlys said...

This was not an easy post for you, but revealing your feelings can help in the healing process! If we can learn something from all of our experiences, good and bad, then we have accomplished something. When a person dreads going to work each day, and when co-workers or bosses make one feel bad about themselves, the fit is not right, and leaving was the best decision! 2011 will be a better year!

B and B said...

I will never forget that evening last March when you met us downtown after Suzanne's Match Day. I was so worried about both of you! You were running on fumes, working insane hours and not sleeping and terribly unhappy. The difference I see in you now is incredible. I am thankful you are back with your former employer as well. What a wonderful Thanksgiving for you!!!

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I know you can't help but feel a little ashamed - but you shouldn't be. You 100% made the right decision for you, not everyone would have the courage to do that.

We've talked about this before, but simply put, life is too short. Life is much, much, MUCH too short to be overly concerned with money and spend hours working at a job you hate! You are MUCH happier now and in the long run that is ALL that will matter.

Nora said...

I'm still so proud of you for having the courage to imagine a different life for yourself (I stole that line from You've Got Mail more or less...). It's not easy to make big changes, to realize that something we really wanted isn't a perfect fit for us. I think you have done and are doing the right things for yourself and your career!

Sarah said...

I remember when you were so down about your job in 'the psych experiment' and all I can say is that I'm glad you're happy now. You should be so proud of yourself for walking away - that takes guts and self-awareness.

Sassy Molassy said...

That's so great that you are happy with your job and were able to step away from what you thought might be the perfect fit!

Erin said...

The way I see things---if you never "try"--you'll never know. You went to a new job--it wasn't what you thought---so you make the right choice by moving on! One thing I've realized in life is that you shouldn't waste time doing things that you dont find enjoyment in. My fiance recently switched jobs----and he's never been happier. His experience was very similar to yours----what he thought was going to be so great---turned out not to be. He was afraid to admit that---but now he is SO happy that he just accepted the fact he wasn't happy and found something better for him! I'm so happy you are in a great working environment now!!! Hating your job is the worst!!!

Mandy said...

I'm thankful that you are where you are now too. I agree with Nora, I'm proud of you for having the courage to push through all the Great Psych Experiment put you through and move on to a place where you are much happier.

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

Yay, I'm glad too :) I've been wondering how going back has been and I'm glad it has been worth it. I'm glad you are started to put the psych experiment behind you. I am a smart and capable teacher, but I know there would be places that I may not be and I hope to never end up there :)

Amy --- Just A Titch said...

I recently returned to the field of education after taking a "dream job" that ended up not being a good fit for me. It's embarrassing, sure, but it's such a relief to feel back at home. I understand those sad-ish feelings though. I'm glad it all worked out.

crystal said...

Some things just are not a good fit, kudos for figuring that out before the psych experiment broke you!!!

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

You made the right choice, because it was right for you!!

Abby said...

Lisa, you definitely made the right choice trying it out -- it was an experience you will NEVER EVER forget.

You are so so so so blessed to have a supportive and good manager. Wow, I am so envious. I wish I could go back and re-interview and eat up my words of saying I wanted this position!!

Ironic you posted about this today!

You grew from it. I understand youre not in your DREAM, SUPER, IDEAL position .... but your happy. Plus, if you wouldn't have moved to your current job -- you probably would've have met you-know-who?!?!

God has plans for us.

:)

Can't wiat to see you tomorrow!

Cherry Blossoms said...

Its always tough when things don't go our way/ our plan but we just need to trust that God has us go through things and puts us in places for a reason.You def should not feel ashamed or feel this is was ever a reflection of you as a person. Its def more important to be happy when over half of our week life is spent working vs being miserable. Life is too short to be unhappy and just remember you have walked away as a much stronger and wiser woman from this. Hugs!