Thursday, January 24, 2013

Putting Analysis Paralysis Behind Me

Hello!  I'm back!  Look at me, posting a late day post! 

Well after suffering from a horrible case of analysis paralysis for the past 2 weeks, I have reached my decision about the upcoming move...  Even though this is not a path I ever expected my life to take and didn't really want it to take, this afternoon I accepted the relocation offer to Charlotte.

The past 2 weeks have been very tough for me.  There have been a lot of tears and days where I feel just plain depressed.  My boyfriend has been supportive but we both have acknowledged that we don't know what this means for us.  There have been lots of hugs and cuddles and he has definitely been a sounding board and 100% supportive throughout this process, for which I am thankful for.  Out of everything, this is the toughest aspect of the move for me.  I can move for 1-2 years (or however long I end up being in Charlotte) and when I move back, my relationships with family and friends will pick up where they left off.  I am not sure that will be the case for my boyfriend and I.  But I know we both want to give a long distance relationship a shot and I am trying to believe that whatever happens is meant to be.

The last 2 weeks haven't been all bad, though.  While I have had a lot on my mind and have definitely been more sad/down than happy, I have had my moments of optimism and excitement.  I love traveling and discovering new places and I know this move to Charlotte will give me an opportunity to explore a different part of the country.  I stare at pictures of Asheville and Charleston on days when I feel down about living in Charlotte.  And I focus on the fact that I already have one friend that lives in Charlotte, and John lives less than 3 hours away.  And luckily there are inexpensive flights to Boston, NYC, DC, and Pittsburgh, so I know I will have trips to visit Kelly, Alli, Becky, Mandy, and Erin to look forward to.  Best of all, my sister Abby will be in Mississippi for a year as they will be stationed there while her husband  becomes an Air Force Pilot, so we can meet up in Atlanta which will only be a 4 hour drive for each of us.  So at least I'll have family somewhat close by, and we'll both be going through similar things.

I have to be in Charlotte by April 1st, so am leaning towards moving that last week and probably will fly to Charlotte on the evening of Easter Sunday (they ship my car for me, thank God).  I still need to meet with the relocation counselor and learn more about the process and how it all works (and if I can push my start date out a bit to make sure I can spend Easter with my family).  I know there will be a multi-day gap between when the moving company packs my stuff and when it arrives in Charlotte (up to a week, I think) so I need to figure out the logistics of where I will stay when I am in limbo.  But I have time to figure that out.

My next step will be a trip to Charlotte in February to check out my apartment options.  I have been disappointed to find that the cost of living is actually higher in Charlotte (in terms of rent) than Minneapolis.  I imagine this is due to the fact that they have far fewer apartment buildings than Minneapolis does.  It's kind of depressing to see what I will get for my money versus what I have now, but I have to just let it go and accept the fact that I am not going to find what I have here in Minneapolis.  I think my mom will be joining me for this trip, so it will be good to have her with me.

This decision has been far from easy, and one thing that has bothered me the most is when people say things like, "well you are choosing between your personal life and your career/money."  It really bothers me when people phrase that decision because first of all, I am being forced to make this choice within a very short time frame.  It's not something I am choosing - it is being forced on me.  Secondly, I think it's more accurate to say I am choosing between financial stability and uncertainty about my future income.  Sure I could roll the dice on finding something during the severance period, but I'd be taking on a HUGE risk, financially. I think it's easy for someone outside of my situation to say 'oh come on, you can find a job' - but they do not have to deal with the financial ramifications of not finding a job and putting themselves in financial jeapardy. So yes - financial stability wins out in this decision, but it's not like I value money over family/friends/my boyfriend. Lastly, I will still have a personal life when I move to Charlotte.  Yes, it will be far different from the one I have here and I won't see the people I love nearly as often as I would like, but I will make it work. 

I am slowly trying to make the transition from the pity party to a sense of excitement and anticipation.  It's not an easy transition and I know I will still have hard days, but I know that I have to embrace the decision I've made and not look back.  I need to own my decision and accept the fact that I've made a different decision than some of my family members and friends would make or would like me to make.  What I need now is for the people in my life to accept my decision and support me, even if it is not the decision they would have made.

I really believe that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react and deal with it.  I've been really sad, down, and depressed, but I want to shift out of that frame of mind as this is my reality and being sad/angry/upset is not going to change anything and will probably only make it worse.

I'm sure I'll be sharing my experiences, both good and bad, along the way.  And if anyone has made a cross country move and has some words of encouragement and/or advice, I am all ears.

Here's to the next chapter in this adventure of my life!

23 comments:

abbi said...

Best of luck to you on the next few weeks as you make preparations. It sounds like you are starting to have a great outlook on the exciting things to come!

missris said...

Oh Lisa I've been thinking about you the last few days and wondering how you were doing. I'm glad you made your decision and I think it is a very very brave one. You are such a positive, upbeat person that I think this move will be a really good thing for you. And you better add me to your Pittsburgh visit list because you know I'd love to meet you in person! Although maybe we should arrange a meetup in Chicago instead ;)

Raquelita said...

I think you have been handling all of this with a lot of grace and still allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions of such a significant change. I hope that the moving process goes really smoothly and that the counselor does all the leg work of setting up your move for you. That was a huge pain for us, and I have to say that Mark did most of the work to set up appointments and get estimates since I was abroad doing research.

Shoshanah said...

I dated a guy once who was miserable where we was living, and decided it was just based on his environment. But then he moved to Spain, and even living in a new country, one he was so excited for, he was still miserable. Basically, I'm 100% agreeing with you. Yes you can be miserable a bad situation, but you'll likely still be miserable in a good situation and visa versa.

And while my situation is different than yours, people always ask me what the biggest difference between CA and LA are. But really they aren't that different. It's really just the people & food options for me! Ha!

Caroline said...

I admire your attitude so so much. My mom always says to me, "make the decision right" and I try to repeat that to myself when things are uncertain. I have no doubt you are going to make the best of this! Best of luck prepping for your move!

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

All the best to you in this new chapter - and good for you for taking a risk and LIVING! The best is yet to come!

Journey Authentically said...

You've got this, Lisa. Glad that the decision is made and now you can pour your energy into making it the best transition for you. With how much you've been able to travel, there's no doubt that you will be maintaining your connections etc. Give the move time--anytime I've moved it feels like it takes a year to get situated fully but enjoy the process. There's always good in every location!

Stephany said...

I completely understand why you're making this move, even though you don't necessarily want to move to Charlotte. I think it's the responsible decision and the HARD one.

I really love the tone of this post. It's hopeful and I know you are going to make the best of your time in this new place. You seem like you've come to terms with everything, although I'm sure it's been a rough few weeks for you.

And you have a fun DC weekend to look forward to, hopefully! :) I would love, love, love to meet you!

Marlys said...

I agree with you that this decision was forced on you and you really have no option but to accept it because of the financial obligations you have! We sure don't need another person dependent on the government for support so I herold your decision albeit a very difficult one! My heart breaks to have you move so far away, but we will look forward to visits to that part of the country! Always know we are behind you on this decision and will be here to support you in any way we can! I look forward to helping you find a place to live! :)

Allison said...

Although it certainly wasn't as dramatic as your move, it reminds me of when Erik and I moved out of NYC and into the suburbs because of finances. It was really tough the first few months, but we eventually got a groove going and it's turned out to be a really great decision. You never know what's around the corner, or how you're relationships will end up. Maybe your BF will find an opportunity in Charlotte? You never know! And long-distance relationships are hard, but totally do-able if it's the right thing. I wish nothing but the best for you and your guy.

Lindsey Dunmyre said...

I hope this will give you some comfort:

Three years ago, my dad moved across the country, from PA to TX, for a job. He doesn't love it there, but he has made it work because it was his best option. Just found out last night, though, that he'll be coming back to PGH, maybe as early as April, just in time for me to hopefully start having babies!

I want this to give you faith that you will end up where you're supposed to be eventually. Just give it a little time. Charlotte isn't where you want to be, but you can make it bearable for the time you are there.

Lindsey Dunmyre said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa said...

Welcome back, Lisa! I'm happy you've made a decision, and it seems like you really took your time & that you're happy with your choice. Well, as happy as you can be given the circumstances, You've really looked at all your options, and in the end you need to do what's best for you. At least it's not permanent. Who knows what can happen in 1-2 years! Maybe something amazing will happen for you in Charlotte. Whatever DOES happen, you know we're all here for you & hopefully with blog friends all over, it will make the whole thing much easier for you.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

You have the wisdom of a prophet, the strength of a warrior and the falling grace of a cat (always landing on your feet). I know the last few weeks have been really hard for you, but also know you're going to be a-ok when you sort out the details and get started on this next chapter of your life.

Also, add Savannah to your must-visit list. It's a beautiful southern city and I have very good friends living there whom would love to show you around. =)

Linda said...

I'm loving your attitude, Lisa. I am hoping maybe boyfriend can with a stroke of luck find an awesome job in NC that he cannot resist.


Cheers to a new chapter!

Amber said...

Oh man I loveeeee Nilsa's comment and will have to ditto that - you do have the falling grace of a cat and you should totally share that comment with P :)

I know this has been extremely difficult for you but I know you've made the best/right decision for you. All will work out in the end :)

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

Other than my much briefer and more certain of the outcome study abroad experience, I have NEVER had to make a crazy move so I have no personal advice for you. All I can say is that over the past few years I have known you, I have watched you handle difficult situations and make changes to your life in order to be happy and I think that if anyone can handle this, it is you. You will come out strong on the other end of this, and in the meantime you have a really, really good support system that you have built by being such a wonderful daughter, sister and friend yourself. We will all take care of you through this, at best surprisingly good experience and at worst dip in the road.
Plus there are the cheap flights to Boston :)

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

((((())) You got this. ;) I know two people in Charleston that loooooooooooove it. One of our friend's is a teacher there and I don't think she ever wants to leave hahah.

Barb Geier said...

You will do well. I know these things. :)
Love you. Proud of you.

Becky said...

I read this the other day but didn't get a chance to comment on it until now. I am really proud of you for trying to make the best of this situation - I know it can't be easy. And hooray for being on the same coast!

However, I think it's perfectly fine for you to still feel upset/bummed about it from time to time and I'm always here to listen when those feelings surface!

Abby said...

First of all, I am SO happy to see you back! This is a GREAT post! And yes, now you're to the point where the mental shift to "Okay, I'm doing this - I may as well make the best of it" needs to happen. You will handle this move away from "normal" much better than your hermit of a sister did. ;)

I'm glad Mom might come with you to Charlotte! That would be really nice to have someone with you as a second set of eyes when you find an apartment -- especially our Mom!

Cherry Blossoms said...

You are going to do great! I took a leap of faith 10 years ago moving to Phx all by myself and look how great that turned out for me?!
Granted, that was something I wanted as my options in MPls were not available at the time.
Any change in life, good or bad, is scary at times. You will go thru an adjustment period but once you are settled I am sure you will soon be finding new 2nd favorites!

Kyria @ Travel Spot said...

Whew! I am glad that you are trying to look at the bright side! I don't have experience with cross country moves, but I have moved around a lot for work. It is hard at first, but you meet people and make friends and, like you said, you have people close by to visit with. I think it will be fine. I know you like to travel, so I think you should consider this an extended "vacation" with work involved, and just use the next two years as an adventure and a way to explore a different part of the country before heading back home. I always wanted to go and live in a different city for a year or two; I thought it would be fun. I know Charlotte is not your first choice, but I think you will find things that are great in the area, just give it some time!