Ten Days of Thanksgiving: Day 9

Today I am thankful that I am back with my former employer.

For those of you who have read my blog for awhile, you know that I changed jobs this spring. This post has been brewing in my head for quite awhile, so I should warn you - it's a lengthy one.
Last October, I started what I thought would be my dream job at a company that I now refer to as "The Psych Experiment." I got the job offer through my MBA programs recruitment process and was on cloud 9 when I started. I was excited to work for this company and having met with multiple people within the organization, I thought it was going to be the perfect fit.

I couldn't have been more wrong... For reasons I won't go into, the position was not a great fit. Add in the fact that my manager and I did not see eye to eye on things, and, well, it was the makings of the perfect storm.

But I put on a happy face and kept telling myself it would get better. I told myself - just get through this first 18 month rotation and then you can look for something different. I am many things, but a quitter is not one of them.

By the time my birthday rolled around, though, I was crumbling. My dad called to wish me a happy birthday and innocently asked, "How's work?"

I started sobbing. I let down my guard and told him how awful work was. I told him how each day I would drive home and say to myself, "I used to be smart, right? I used to be capable and confident and successful, right? Where is that girl?"

I think my dad was in shock. My parents knew I was stressed and probably not all that happy, but I don't think they realized just how unhappy I was. And I don't think I realized it either until I put those feelings into words.

In March, I made the decision to leave this organization, a short 5 months after I started. I contacted my former employer and they re-hired me. I should also note that I am so thankful that I did not burn bridges.

I would be lying if I said the transition back to my former employer has been an easy one, because it hasn't. I still feel a sense of shame over everything that happened. I feel like I should have been able to make it work at The Psych Experiment. I feel sadness and disappointment.

But I am also slowly but surely healing from this experience. And while it's been a difficult year for me, I am so thankful to be back with my former employer. Am I in the perfect position? No, I'm not. But I am surrounded by fun co-workers. I have a boss that supports me, encourages me, and gives me positive feedback. I work for a company where I thrive in their culture. And I am making steps to work towards securing a position that will be a better fit and will utilize my math major and my MBA.

I'm excited to see what the year to come holds.

And I am ready to put all that happened in early 2010 in the past.