Putting Analysis Paralysis Behind Me

Hello!  I'm back!  Look at me, posting a late day post! 

Well after suffering from a horrible case of analysis paralysis for the past 2 weeks, I have reached my decision about the upcoming move...  Even though this is not a path I ever expected my life to take and didn't really want it to take, this afternoon I accepted the relocation offer to Charlotte.

The past 2 weeks have been very tough for me.  There have been a lot of tears and days where I feel just plain depressed.  My boyfriend has been supportive but we both have acknowledged that we don't know what this means for us.  There have been lots of hugs and cuddles and he has definitely been a sounding board and 100% supportive throughout this process, for which I am thankful for.  Out of everything, this is the toughest aspect of the move for me.  I can move for 1-2 years (or however long I end up being in Charlotte) and when I move back, my relationships with family and friends will pick up where they left off.  I am not sure that will be the case for my boyfriend and I.  But I know we both want to give a long distance relationship a shot and I am trying to believe that whatever happens is meant to be.

The last 2 weeks haven't been all bad, though.  While I have had a lot on my mind and have definitely been more sad/down than happy, I have had my moments of optimism and excitement.  I love traveling and discovering new places and I know this move to Charlotte will give me an opportunity to explore a different part of the country.  I stare at pictures of Asheville and Charleston on days when I feel down about living in Charlotte.  And I focus on the fact that I already have one friend that lives in Charlotte, and John lives less than 3 hours away.  And luckily there are inexpensive flights to Boston, NYC, DC, and Pittsburgh, so I know I will have trips to visit Kelly, Alli, Becky, Mandy, and Erin to look forward to.  Best of all, my sister Abby will be in Mississippi for a year as they will be stationed there while her husband  becomes an Air Force Pilot, so we can meet up in Atlanta which will only be a 4 hour drive for each of us.  So at least I'll have family somewhat close by, and we'll both be going through similar things.

I have to be in Charlotte by April 1st, so am leaning towards moving that last week and probably will fly to Charlotte on the evening of Easter Sunday (they ship my car for me, thank God).  I still need to meet with the relocation counselor and learn more about the process and how it all works (and if I can push my start date out a bit to make sure I can spend Easter with my family).  I know there will be a multi-day gap between when the moving company packs my stuff and when it arrives in Charlotte (up to a week, I think) so I need to figure out the logistics of where I will stay when I am in limbo.  But I have time to figure that out.

My next step will be a trip to Charlotte in February to check out my apartment options.  I have been disappointed to find that the cost of living is actually higher in Charlotte (in terms of rent) than Minneapolis.  I imagine this is due to the fact that they have far fewer apartment buildings than Minneapolis does.  It's kind of depressing to see what I will get for my money versus what I have now, but I have to just let it go and accept the fact that I am not going to find what I have here in Minneapolis.  I think my mom will be joining me for this trip, so it will be good to have her with me.

This decision has been far from easy, and one thing that has bothered me the most is when people say things like, "well you are choosing between your personal life and your career/money."  It really bothers me when people phrase that decision because first of all, I am being forced to make this choice within a very short time frame.  It's not something I am choosing - it is being forced on me.  Secondly, I think it's more accurate to say I am choosing between financial stability and uncertainty about my future income.  Sure I could roll the dice on finding something during the severance period, but I'd be taking on a HUGE risk, financially. I think it's easy for someone outside of my situation to say 'oh come on, you can find a job' - but they do not have to deal with the financial ramifications of not finding a job and putting themselves in financial jeapardy. So yes - financial stability wins out in this decision, but it's not like I value money over family/friends/my boyfriend. Lastly, I will still have a personal life when I move to Charlotte.  Yes, it will be far different from the one I have here and I won't see the people I love nearly as often as I would like, but I will make it work. 

I am slowly trying to make the transition from the pity party to a sense of excitement and anticipation.  It's not an easy transition and I know I will still have hard days, but I know that I have to embrace the decision I've made and not look back.  I need to own my decision and accept the fact that I've made a different decision than some of my family members and friends would make or would like me to make.  What I need now is for the people in my life to accept my decision and support me, even if it is not the decision they would have made.

I really believe that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react and deal with it.  I've been really sad, down, and depressed, but I want to shift out of that frame of mind as this is my reality and being sad/angry/upset is not going to change anything and will probably only make it worse.

I'm sure I'll be sharing my experiences, both good and bad, along the way.  And if anyone has made a cross country move and has some words of encouragement and/or advice, I am all ears.

Here's to the next chapter in this adventure of my life!