Well the test is over and behind me. Despite the fact that I studied more hours for this level than any other level, I walked out of the exam feeling worse than I did for any other level. In fact, I cried. And they were not tears of joy. They were tears of frustration and uncertainty. And exhaustion, too.
So if you ask me how I think I did, my response is: I just don't know. Could I have passed? Yes. Could I have failed? Yes. The morning part of the exam was pretty bad. I had no trouble finishing any of my practice tests within 3 hours, but I was furiously scribbling to finish on Saturday morning. My heart my racing and my hands were shaking as I tried as hard as I could to get my thoughts down on the paper. The afternoon went better. It was tough and there were some questions that I had to completely guess on, but I could have pulled off a 70 (which is the alleged passing score). I do find some comfort in the fact that the other people I talked to (including Phil) thought the morning was very difficult, and it is graded on a curve (to some extent) so it helps that others struggled as well.
And now I wait. Results come out in about 10 weeks - so even slower than levels 1 and 2 since they have to hand grade all the essays. I laid awake in bed on Saturday night until 3:30 am, running through some of the questions in my mind, over and over. I am hoping that as the days pass, I analyze less and am able to just let it go. After all, worrying and obsessing over it won't change anything.
On a positive note, it is so wonderful to get my free time back. It was so great to get to the airport and not sit at the gate and study. And I read for pleasure on the flight home. I won't take those little things for granted.
Testing aside, it was really great to be home. I saw friends, family, and Phil, and soaked up some time downtown on Friday afternoon. Being home definitely affirmed the fact that I really need to get back to the Midwest. There were definitely a lot of tears when I said good byes throughout the weekend, even though they are see you laters. But I will be home for a week in just under 2 months. I don't like to wish away time, but I am hoping that trip home comes fast.
I know the tone of this post is pretty down and defeated, but it's my reality. It's really hard to put your heart and soul into something and walk away feeling so uncertain about the outcome. I am trying to remind myself that pass or fail, life will go on.
I will keep the hope alive about the test - and like we talked about, I hope the further you get from it, the more you can relax and really start to enjoy yourself again. Way to hang in there for a such a big weekend!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're done with the test for now, were able to see your family and friends, and have just two months to see them again. Hoping for good results and that your trip comes up soon!
ReplyDeleteUgg that stinks. I hated when tests went like that. I sincerely hope that you passed!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to get away and see your family and friends! And as for the test, there's nothing you can do about it now (although I'm sure you did well) so just try not to think about it!
ReplyDeleteEach day you will analyze this less intensely and it will be behind you. I hate that feeling!!!!! Glad you got some quality Minneapolis time ! Wait until you live in a warm climate for awhile and go home in the winter ! The silver lining becomes apparent ;)
ReplyDeleteYou just have to believe that your hard work is going to pay off, and we will pray for good results! Now you just have to try and focus on enjoying life and smelling the roses that are before you every day, even in Charlotte! We will be so anxious to have you back in a few months to just relax and visit!
ReplyDeleteI find this the most frustrating thing about tests... that no matter how hard you studied, you sometimes can't predict the outcome. BUT: my fingers are crossed and I know you put everything you have in this exam... so I am sure you'll have passed. You MUST!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed the time home and I hope you can take advantage of the new free time on your hands ;)
xo
Sending good thoughts your way! All you can do now is wait and see. Thank god it's behind you and you can have some more free time back! Big hugs! XO
ReplyDeleteNo matter the outcome I am proud of you for all that you have done to prepare for the course the last six months. I will keep my fingers crossed and prayers out there that you have passed and can put all of the CFA behind you.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs, lots of love and thinking of you!
Oh, I'm so sorry friend. One of the worst feelings is that stressful anxiety of not knowing how you performed on a test - ESPECIALLY something you gave up SO much time to study for! Hopefully, each day you will think about it less and less and these next 2 months will zoom by so you can be in Minneapolis again!
ReplyDeleteBUT YOU ARE DONE! We can celebrate that fact, right? WOOHOO!
I know I've said this before, but I feel like this test stood for so much more than just the third level of the CFA series. You were required to put life on hold to study for this exam ... an inconvenience when life was in Minneapolis, but a delay of your larger reality once you moved to Charlotte. Even though you faced a lot of sadness related to your move, I think you were also able to put the meaning behind this move on hold while you focused on the exam. It's over, now what? And that's what you faced walking out of the exam. At a minimum, I'm hoping your social life and your health will get better in the coming weeks. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'll keep my fingers crossed for you! At least the pressure is off you to test well, so you can relax and stop spending all your free time studying. Enjoy the warmer weather and the boot off your foot! :)
ReplyDeleteI've long ago decided that no one can change our own reality. I hope in time you'll let some of the stress of it go, because it's done. And right now, there is nothing more you can do about it. If it's a good result (and I am hopeful) you'll fly. If you don't make it this time, you can make choices. And at any event, you had family time, and that's precious.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Lisa. Wish you had a furry thing to come home to and love. But soon -- running!
Hang in there, Lisa! You'll be back home before you know it. In the mean time, I'd try to put the test out of your mind as there's nothing you can do about it now anyways..
ReplyDeleteUgh I hate the post over analyzing I do to myself in bed. I start counting to distract myself. Hoping for the best results!
ReplyDeleteOh no girl, I'm sorry that you walked out feeling so down :-( Now that will be all you think about until you get the results ... how stressful. Here's hoping that you passed and can finally relax and kick back for a while. All the best to you girl!
ReplyDeleteWhat a tough weekend you've had, honestly. I'm just hoping for the best for you! Sometimes even in the most uncertain times, we can surprise ourselves. I hope those 105 hours of studying pay off for you, my God do you ever deserve it!
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking of you! At the very least, I'm glad you have life back and I hope that it went better than you think it might have. We're always our own worst critic. You gave it all you could and you studied SO much, so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!
ReplyDeleteWell if nothing else, at least you are done. All you can do is wait, but you may as well enjoy the time, since you have done all you can do (which, btw, was A LOT!) Sorry that you don't feel like you did well, but I am sure you will be fine. I have so much confidence in you! You are one of the most determined and dedicated people I know!
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