My First 6 Months with RA

It's hard to believe it's been 6 months since I found out about my RA diagnosis.  I'll probably never forget the day I got the phone call as I was standing in a super loud Jewish deli in New York with Alli when my GP called to tell my blood tests and symptoms indicated that I had RA and would need to meet with a Rheumatologist to discuss a treatment plan.  In the first days after the diagnosis, I was pretty much in a state of shock and was pretty scared about how it would impact my life, but over the past 6 months I've gotten to the point where, for the most part, I've accepted it. 

I quickly learned that it was best for me to not read about the disease online because there is a lot of scary stuff out there - things like articles on how RA shortens your life expectancy or can impact your heart and lungs or results in being in disabled status/unable to work.  There is some truly scary stuff out there, and while some of it may apply to me, I guess I am in the 'ignorance is bliss' category.  I have a doctor I trust who will tell me what I need to worry about, so I leave the worrying up to her and avoid reading all the scary things out there.

While I have moved towards acceptance of this chronic disease, I still have my bad days.  Days where I get frustrated over my limitations, especially my inability to do any weight bearing activity as my upper body joints are still not doing great.  Besides that, I still can't really wear heels as it puts too much pressure on the joints by my toes.  Not being able to wear heels might not seem like a big deal to others but it bothers me as I feel best and most confident in a pair of heels.  Lastly, I get frustrated over the limitation on the amount of alcohol I can drink each month (I am limited to about 2 drinks/month due to medication I am on that increases the chance of liver damage).  My frustration mostly stems from having to explain why I am not drinking - it's amazing how many people will ask why I am not drinking or jokingly ask if I am pregnant. 

I also get frustrated by the number of drugs I am on.  It feels weird to pull out my bag of pills when staying at others' homes or when I am eating breakfast in a public place.  I have cut out one medication, but am still on 4.  Granted 2 of those are only taken once a week, but it's still a lot.  It seems like every week I am getting a notification from Target that I have a prescription to refill so it's a constant reminder that while I am doing better, my "new normal" is so different than my old one.  Now I have pill bottles on my counter, sharps containers in my dining room as that is where I give my injections and syringes of medication in my fridge. 

This guy is both a miracle and my enemy at the same time.  It's improved my joint paint but causes skin reactions. But the good outweighs the bad.

All in all, I am doing pretty well and I have seen improvement, but I feel like it's sort of an internal silent struggle at times.  I hesitate to talk about it with family and friends or on the blog because I don't want to be that person who is always talking about her health.  The disease is manageable and I am coping with it as well as I can, but it still sucks that it's something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.  And it's been tough to deal with it on top of all the other struggles the past year has contained. 

All that said, I'm in a better place, health-wise, than I was 6 months ago, and I expect to be in an even better place 6 months from now.  I expect the skin reactions to go away and my upper body joints to heal a bit more.  But in the mean time, I am thankful that my foot joints have healed enough to allow me to return to running.  My fingers are crossed that my doctor will clear me to start training for a half marathon when I see her in early April!