Making Work Work Part 2

I'm back with part 2 of my "making work work" post series!

What other changes have we made now that we are working parents?

We've made some slight changes to household responsibilities to make life a little easier on everyone!

- The biggest, most positive change for me is that Phil does all of our grocery shopping. He typically does this on Saturday mornings. On the iPhone notes ap, you can share the note with other iPhone users, so that's how we build our grocery list. It works well to use a shared note as we can both add to it.

Our shared grocery list note

- Phil is also more involved in meal planning. Before I tended to come up with the meal ideas which is kind of mentally exhausting. Now we tend to sit down on Wednesday night - the day we get the weekly ad for our local grocery store - and we plan the 3-4 dinners I will make.

- During nap time on the weekends, I do as much of the prep work, like cutting up veggies, for our meals. That way dinners come together more quickly on week nights. Our week night schedule is so chaotic so it's been helpful to do prep work ahead of time so meals come together faster.

What do I wish I had known a year ago?

- I wish I had stressed less about how little Paul was napping at daycare and just accepted that he was never going to sleep well there. I spent a lot of time worrying over this and trying to solve the problem but it has been an unsolvable problem. He just doesn't nap well in a room with 10-11 other babies/toddlers - I can't really blame him! It has resulted in an earlier bedtime than I would like, but I remind myself that this is a temporary phase of life and eventually he will stay up later. I took me a good 6-8 months to accept this, though. He is happy and never appears over-tired and it doesn't impact his nighttime sleep so it's something I've learned to let go of.

- I wish I had known that I would go through a phase where I questioned whether I was meant to be a working mother, and that this phase would pass. August through December of last year were very difficult. I basically had an existential crisis and wondered if all of the time and effort I put into my education and CFA designation were all for nothing as maybe I wasn't cut out to work outside the home. I am glad I pushed through that difficult time and strategically used vacation time to get extra time with Paul. Fortunately I felt a shift in January when Paul turned 10 months. I now enjoy work much more and I know that Paul benefits from the time he spends in daycare. It helps that he loves it there and we love his teachers.

- I wish I had a mentor during that time that could tell me that what I was feeling was normal and that it might get better. It's hard to have open, honest conversation about how you are struggling with your return to work. I work in a very competitive work environment that is going through cost cuts so it's hard to talk about how hard your return to work is when you know they are looking at reducing head count. So I kept this to myself and confided in other friends outside the company. But it would have been nice to have a trusted mentor that could have told me she felt similarly. Now that I'm on the other side of those feelings, I've had multiple conversations with other women at work who said they felt the exact same way. It would have been comforting to know I wasn't alone in feeling that way. I recently suggested that my company establish a mentoring program for moms returning to work. I have a meeting today about developing the program with a senior leader at my company. Hopefully it comes together and we can launch something later this year!

How have I changed since having a child/returning to work?

- I've definitely grown and changed a lot over the last year+ since Paul was born. It has taught me how to prioritize and how to say no. I rarely make week-day plans unless they happen after Paul is in bed and I am very particular about what I say yes to on the weekend. I try to only commit to one thing each weekend day.

- I've also come to understand that while many women want and need a break from their children (and are certainly entitled to the break/me-time!!), the circumstances of our schedule/limited time with Paul mean that I don't desire a break from him. I do not say this to sound like a martyr or super-mom. But the reality is that I get my break in the 45-50 hours I spend away from him at work + the time in the evening after he goes to bed. I want to want to go on a vacation with Phil without Paul. But the reality is that I don't want to do that. That's not to say that I don't feel a sense of relief when he goes to bed some nights as the weekend days can be long if he's fussy or throws his food on the floor during meals or is hard to entertain. But all in all, I don't crave time away from him. Maybe this will change with time but for now, all our vacations will include Paul.