One Year+ Post-Partum After Baby #2

I know I've been all "I'm so tired/We are always sick!" for the last month, so I figured I'd share a post that is a bit more well-rounded in terms of where I'm at in the post-partum journey. 

I'm a little over a month past the one-year mark of having Will. I did a similar post after having Paul, but have changed the questions a bit since some are less relevant. So here goes!

Do you want another baby?

Hell no! We are 100% done having children, and I think we would feel this way even if we weren't both 40. Pregnancy is incredibly hard for me between my RA and my blood clot history so I could not go through it again. I do think parenting is a young man's game, so maybe I would feel a tiny bit different if I was in my early 30s, but difficult pregnancies aside, 2 kids feels like the right family size for us and Phil and I are 100% in agreement on this.

How does your body feel postpartum now at one year out?

All in all, pretty good. I am still carrying a bit more weight than I'd like but I'm still breastfeeding Will and it seems like my body needs to hold onto some weight to have enough supply for him. I got back into exercising much earlier after having Will compared to having Paul. That was possible because I worked from home this time around. Pre-covid, we left the house at 6:50 and go home around 5 and that just didn't leave a lot of time to workout. It also helps that I have a neighbor to run with, although that has really tapered off as I'm a wimp when it comes to cold weather running. 

I did receive a new autoimmune disease diagnose right before Christmas, though. In addition to rheumatoid arthritis (RA), I have something called Hashimoto's disease which is an autoimmune disease that impacts my thyroid. According to my rheumatologist, it's very common to have this when you have RA. Basically having one autoimmune disease makes you susceptible to others. I also have celiac, although I don't have a formal diagnosis for it but since I felt so much better after removing gluten nearly 12 years ago, my primary care physician said we can assume I have it. 

For the new Hashimoto's diagnosis, I saw an endocrinologist and discussed whether I should start meds. I asked if it would be easier to lose/maintain my ideal weight if I went on medication and she said that the #1 challenge for losing weight is how poorly I am sleeping as poor sleep is terrible for your metabolism. I do feel so tired and worn out these days, so I'm trying to cut myself some slack until I'm sleeping better. And then if I still feel really tired and worn out, I'll consider going on a thyroid medication.

What are you plans for weaning from breast milk/transitioning to milk?

I am still nursing Will about 3 times/day, but more like 5-6+ when he was sick. I'll follow his lead on weaning. I was thinking I would force him to wean around a year so I could change RA meds, but the combo I'm on right now, which is safe for breastfeeding, is working great. I'm hoping to get back to a schedule of nursing in the morning and night and then before naps on the weekends. He does not need to be nursing during the night at this age and weight, but it's something that is comforting for him so I've been willing to do it, but the kitchen will be closed at night pretty soon. ;)

Will has done way better with solids but he will not drink cow's milk! He chugs water like a champ but shakes his head when we give him a cup of milk. I thought since he eats way more than Paul did that he'd lose interest in nursing but that has not been the case yet. So I don't really know when he will wean or how we will accomplish that so I'm following his lead. It was easier in a way with Paul - when my breast milk supply was done, he was done drinking breast milk. And since he drank breast milk cold right from the newborn days, the transition to cow's milk was a cinch. 

How is being back at work?

My return to work was completely different this time around! After having Paul, I struggled with the return to work and questioned whether I was meant to be a working mom. But around 10 months, it was like a switch flipped and it got easier. This time around, I was very ready to go back to work at the end of my 20 week leave and I have not struggled at all. I think knowing how much our kids benefit from being at daycare helps. The downside is alllll the germs and illnesses, but kids have to develop their immune system at some point. Returning to work while working from home was 100 times easier than going back to the office, though! I was able to pump while working and didn't have to haul stuff back and forth. And the schedule was so much less taxing - our mornings would look very different if we had to get out of the house at 6:50 with 2 kids and look presentable for work (it's the looking presentable part that is lacking most mornings!!)

How has having another baby impacted your marriage?

Many people told me that the change from no kids to your first kid was the hardest, but I feel differently. Going from 1 to 2 kids has been harder for us. I think being in a pandemic where we are limited in what we can do/how much help we can accept does not help matters either. I am very glad that I have a strong partner by my side. We have definitely been cross and snippy with each other, especially in the early sleep-deprived months and the return of those sleep-deprived months recently, but we are both just so very tired and it's easy to get snippy when you are tired. Add in toddler tantrums and boundary pushing and it just makes for some not-so-fun phases of parenting.

I also feel some jealousy towards Phil. It's so much easier for him to be away, like he could easily golf a round this summer and be gone for 5+ hours and it was not a big deal (he did not do this very often - he would mostly golf on a day when he could leave work early and be home by dinnertime). I could be away for 5 hours now, but this summer it would have required taking a break to pump which is just not fun. There have also been times when I've had Phil sleep in the basement when he's sick or I'm sick and I've felt envious of his ability to go down there for 8-10 hours. With Will breastfeeding, that just can't happen, especially this fall/winter when he's been sick and nurses during the night. With Paul, the nighttime work was more equitable. Since I was pumping, we'd split the nights (I'd handle bedtime until 1, he'd handle 1-6). But that doesn't work when you are breastfeeding. 

But all in all, having a second child has strengthened our marriage overall. We've gotten better at communicating and I've gotten better at asking for help which is hard for me to do. I've enjoyed watching Phil's relationship with Paul strengthen. Paul has always been a huge mama's boy but he's starting to see that dad is really really fun - certainly more fun than me ! And I'm not being self-deprecating. I am not the fun parent! I'm the organized, scheduling parent who is researching the best chapter books to introduce to a 4-year old and googling whether babies can have appendicitis. ;) Dad is wrestling, doing bench presses with Pablo (called Pablo presses) and takes him sledding. I'm ready to give up the favored parent so I hope their relationship continues to develop! :)

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Bottom line, in the midst of feeling really tired and always on the brink of some new virus, we also know how incredibly lucky we are to have 2 healthy, happy kiddos! So even in what feels like a really challenging stage of life, I try to not take for granted how very lucky we are. I could just use some uninterrupted sleep! But hopefully it's just around the corner now that Will has tubes!

Did I miss anything? I'm an open book so ask any question you are curious about - if there is an email address attached to your comment profile, I will respond!