Last week, I had a lightbulb moment when listening to Happier, a podcast hosted by Gretchen Rubin and her sister, Elizabeth Craft. Gretchen lives in NYC and has made it her mission to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art every day that she is in NYC. She lives close by so this is easy for her to do. She talked about how going as often as she does lowers the bar for what she needs out of the experience. She talks about how she was raised to "get the most" out of things, but when you go to a place often, you don't need to see it all. Sometimes she spend 10 minutes in the museum, sometimes she spend an hour.
It made me think about how we approach the zoo. I definitely have a tendency to feel like I need to "get the most" out of every experience and this extends to the zoo. I think it's due in part to my frugal nature. If we are going to pay money to go somewhere, we better spend as many hours as we can there and see as much as we can.
But... I was gifted a zoo membership for my birthday in February. Granted, the zoo is not super conveniently located - it's a good 20-30 minute drive to get there and you need to make a reservation to visit (although I think members can always get a reservation), so it is a bit of a 'to do' to go. But I need to change my mindset about what we get out of the zoo.
The zoo opens at 9 for members and we typically need to head out around 11 so that Will doesn't fall asleep in the car on the ride home - which will ruin his already short afternoon nap. So that gives us 2 hours max. But there is no rule that says we need to spend 2 hours and see as many exhibits as we can. Especially with a 1.5 and 4yo.
I should also share that I've already calculated how many times we need to visit to make the membership "worth it." You know because obviously my mother-in-law is going to check up on me to make sure we got our money's worth. But this is how my brain works.
So this weekend, we'll visit the zoo for the 3rd time - which, I'll add, is the breakeven point for the cost of the membership compared to what we'd pay for 3 visits. But on this visit, we'll take a different approach. We'll focus on a few exhibits - the penguins (a favorite for the boys), monkeys, and the hands-on area by the aquarium that we haven't seen yet. Maybe we'll see more after these exhibits if energy levels are high enough, or maybe we'll go home. But I won't pressure myself to see as much as we can in a visit because there can and will be many more visits before my membership expires in February!
Maybe this concept of not squeezing all of the life out of every experience comes natural to others. For whatever reason, it does not come naturally to me. So I am glad I heard that Happier podcast!
Are you conditioned to get the absolute most out of every experience?
I struggled with this for so long with my 3 year old too! The first time we took him to the zoo was the first summer of covid- he was just over a year old and my partner kept saying "he's not going to get anything out of it!" but for me, especially after the dreary spring we had spent mostly inside from all the stay at home orders, I was happy to pay $20 a ticket to walk outside somewhere that was not my neighborhood! Since then, whether it's the zoo or a recent day trip to a kid's amusement park, I try to think about the experience and paying for the quality time. For the amusement park, it was like $40 for the day, but I knew we'd only spend half a day there because of naps, but in the half a day, my little guy went on 3 rides where he was "driving," got to use a pretend excavator, ride on a train and boat, and go to a show where he 'met' Daniel Tiger-- definitely worth the price of admission for the entire experience. Now if only there had been a cheaper ticket for my partner who didn't go on any rides HA.
ReplyDeleteI just listened to this podcast episode yesterday! How funny. I am just like you--I calculate how many times I need to use a thing to "get my money's worth" out of it, etc. and I am definitely a maximizer. However, we get a free entry to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston and we went SO much last winter because we could get there early, stay for an hour or two, and then leave. I didn't feel like I had to get my money's worth (since it was free) and we enjoyed it so much. I definitely need to adopt this mindset more!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on this - you don't always have to get EVERYTHING out of every experience. In fact, sometimes that is just not optimal. I remember when I was a kid, travelling with my parents, they always had to do absolutely everything and see absolutely everything and honestly, it was exhausting and not fun at all. I think it's more fun to just...take it easy. I used to have a zoo membership when the kids were little, specifically so I could just spend a couple of hours there and then go home. We did it fairly frequently, so I never felt like they didn't get enough out of it.
ReplyDeleteOh, boy, I'm just like you - calculating exactly how much I am spending at trying to get every nickel out of every experience. But some of the best times I've had were when I just relax and go with the flow. I guess there's a lesson in that, but it's hard when you (or your MIL) have spent good money on something!
ReplyDeleteI'm really particular about this with clothing. Oh, this coat is $200, but if I wear it for one hundred days for four years then each day is fifty cents and that's worth it, right? Don't get me started on my rationale for prices I pay for shoes. Ha!
I think many, including myself, are conditioned to a certain extent to get the most out of everything we do. I took my two boys to a local animal farm and while we didn’t get to do everything one recent morning, we got to really enjoy each experience and go at a slower pace. This is when I realized that when we tend to rush through to get to the next part/ride and so on and it’s not as fun. By going at a slower pace (my boys’ pace) we really enjoyed the farm. Also going first thing in the morning on a slower day also helped so it wasn’t as crowded, which living in NY, tends to be a real thing on most days.
ReplyDeleteLisa, I am with you on all of this. I think you know this about me already! I overanalyze just about everything when it comes to frugality. It becomes a real curse in my life, to be honest. I want to know I'm getting a good deal or getting my money's worth out of something. Quieting that voice in my head is a tough job, but I'm working away at it slowly but surely.
ReplyDeleteThis really reared its head when we did our big roadtrip. It was such an investment of time and money to get to Toronto and NYC that I wanted to see and do everything. Mostly because I thought: "We might not be back here together as a family for a long time." I think that's one reason why I feel so much less pressure when we do staycation things. I LOVE to get away, but when we do things in Nova Scotia - which conveniently happens to be a drop-dead gorgeous province everyone should visit! - the stakes feel so much lower. If we only spend an hour or two a lovely beach, we can always go back. I don't have to do/see/experience everything.
Interestingly, my parents had SO little money when I was growing up, I don't remember feeling like I needed to get the most out of everything because just about everything we did WAS free. But growing up with very little financial flexibility has impacted how I view money soooo much.
And yes, I definitely am always calculating how many visits it would take to get my money's worth out of something!
Great post. And I really hope you enjoy the zoo visit this time by focussing on your favourite stops :)
There is a local outdoor garden area that I've enjoyed buying a membership for since my oldest was a baby. It made sense because if you went twice you broke even. It's was a super cheap deal and kids under 5 were free, and 6-18 were a 1. Score. Great place to picnic and explore. They added on and the prices doubled. Mind you this was the first time they raised their prices in my life time. But then it was like okay, do I keep getting two adult year passes and then when all 4 of us go just pay the now 2 dollars for the oldest or do I just buy one and then pay for the oldest every time. And THEN they closed one of the entrances. I've had to do a lot of, this is a great local place, and so many things to enjoy and bite my tongue. But it gets aggravating. I try to see it as this is a public good that I want to continue to be nice and share with my children so I will bite the bullet. BUT it has gone from a place I'd take any visitor to it only being a place where I'd take someone who REALLY wanted to see it because I think for a drop in price it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteI also listened to that podcast, and am fascinated by Gretchen's project of going to the Met every day. I think if I were paying full price every time I went to the zoo, I would try to see very single thing. But kids don't have that same expectation and it can be super tiring for them. That's why having a membership is SO NICE. It makes it easy to switch your mindset, and you could even say to the boys "let's go see the penguins today" (or whatever else it was you had planned) instead of announcing vaguely that you're going to the zoo. Now the only problem is, you'll need a membership every year. Hopefully your MIL will rad this post and realize what a great gift it was!
ReplyDeletei was that attitude when we travel to places. like if I've already paid the fight the hotel and everything, we need to make every minute of it productive, which sometimes makes the vacation experience stressful.
ReplyDeletesince the pandemic, i've tried to slowdown and remind myself that the objective of vacation is to enjoy and do what feels good, so some slow days are as productive as busy days. :)
I want to argue that you were already making the most of it, considering your boys' age and the circumstances! Kids' attention spans at this age aren't made for longer outings, and focusing on just a few attractions each time is perfect for them. When my kids were younger, we had yearly memberships to two museums and used them a lot. Having the memberships made me relax more in terms of just spending one or two hours there at a time, and exploring different attractions, or even hanging out at the kids' favorites over and over again without feeling that I was wasting time or admission fees. These days, I still occasionally fall into the trap of over-planning during trips. These high expectations usually backfire quickly and ruin the mood for all of us, even now that my kids are older. I try to remember they are still children and have different needs and stamina than grownups.
ReplyDeleteFor sure, your new approach to the zoo seems like it will be less stressful! I think I'm spoiled because I live in DC where so many of the museums and the zoo are free, and I love being able to pop in to a museum and really get to spend time lingering with one exhibit.
ReplyDeleteI feel like there is something misleading in thinking that "getting the most out of" a museum or a zoo or what not means seeing as much of the place as possible. I think getting the most out of something is often about savouring the part of the adventure you do get to experience. I would feel like an experience is money well spent if I really got to fully enjoy and take in a couple things. It's that classic quality over quantity thing. I'm sure I would be disappointed to miss out on some parts, but I wouldn't think I was wasting my money. Rushing through an experience and not getting to enjoy any of it would make me feel like I'm not making the best use of my money. I once had six hours in Paris and I spent that time wandering down a street, eating an apple pastry, and sitting in a park to people watch, and I certainly felt like I made the most of my few hours- I had thought about trying to go see the Eiffel Tower or some such, but I don't know that I would have enjoyed the stress of trying to find my way across an unfamiliar public transport any more than my leisurely soaking up of the city.
Molly requested a zoo membership as a family gift for Christmas last year for that reason -- they'd just get exhausted trying to do too much and what was to be a fun family experience would end up with overtired, crabby kids. Now they go periodically and dshe says it's loads better. The only time that doesn't work so well is traveling when you have limited time in any one spot.
ReplyDeleteI love this shift in perspective! I feel the same way as you do, wanting to make the most out of every experience (and make the money I spent worthwhile!) This happens to me so much when I'm planning vacations. I put SO MUCH PRESSURE on myself to see all the must-see sights and soak up every bit from the experience when it's just not possible to do that. And I don't want my vacations to be go-go-go all the time. But then I feel bad when I don't... like I'm "wasting" the opportunity. It's a fine balance, for sure.
ReplyDelete100% agree. For me this is the key to enjoying kid outings. It can be hard for me to get into this mindset, but if I'm open to what is intriguing for my 3-year-old the visit is so much fun (even if it isn't what I would expect a zoo visit looks like).
ReplyDeleteI definitely can relate to the dilemma: it's not always tied to money for me (although that obviously can play a role), but also if it's something that is "far away", not easy to reach and if I go, I want to make sure I see as much as I can while I can. That is not always practical or even enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteWhen I traveled with my family this summer, we made the conscious decision to "pair down" our agenda and try to focus on a few things... which in the end made the experience much more worthwile than rushing from one thing to the next. We were really able to enjoy the things that we DID see and tried to not think about things that we were missing out on.