On Singing Another Melody

Life inside a music box ain't easy

The mallets hit

The gears are always turning

And everyone inside the mechanism

is yearning to get out

and sing another melody completely

so different from the one they're always singing

I close my eyes and think that I found me

but then I feel mortality surround me

I want to sing another melody

so different from the one I always sing

~ excerpt from The Music Box by Regina Spektor

On my 12 mile run a couple of weeks ago, Music Box by Regina Spektor came on. I really listened to the lyrics for the first time and I nearly stopped in my tracks. I thought to myself - yes - that perfectly describes how I feel.

But I am getting a bit ahead of myself here. Let's flash back a couple more weeks to a dinner with two girlfriends. My best friend was talking about the signatures from their guest book and how much life has changed since they were married in the fall of 2006. People have gotten married. Some have had one or even two children. Some are no longer dating the people they attended the wedding with. The central theme was that so much has changed in the lives of their guests.

I sat there listening to this and said:

"Well, maybe for others, but not for me. I am still signing with the same last name, with no plus one. I am living in the same condo. I am working for the same company. I have a different position, but work with many of the same people. Fundamentally, nothing has truly changed in my life."

Now, I do not want to turn this into a 'woe is me' post... although I was definitely having a 'woe is me' moment that night. I realize that I have so much to be thankful for and have been blessed thus far in life. I have earned my MBA. I have been through career challenges that really tested me and helped me grown as an individual. But nothing has fundamentally changed.

I always try to be honest in this blog - and I must say that as I approach my 30th birthday, my life is very different from how I imagined it looking. I never thought I would buy my first home on my own. I never thought I would turn 30 as a single person. My younger self honestly thought I would have at least one child by now.

But I don't - and that is ok. I am better for all the experiences I have had in my 20s. But at the same time, I sometimes feel like that ballerina - trapped in a music box, singing the same song, spinning in circles.

So I decided that instead of resenting the fact that my life is shaping up far differently than I imagined - I am trying to sing a different melody. I decided to do something that would celebrate the fact that I can go where I want, when I want, for however long I want. I realize that this is a freedom that I need to appreciate and embrace.

So this coming February, I will be spending 8 days in Paris - a city that absolutely captured my heart when I was there in 2008. There is just something magical about that city and I can't think of a better place to go to celebrate my birthday.

I am so excited for this trip and can't wait to return to Paris. This time around I am renting a flat in the Marais area which was my favorite area of Paris. It's actually WAY cheaper than staying in a hotel and I think I will have a more authentic experience.

Here are a couple of pictures of the apartment I am renting! It's so beautiful, I might not want to come back!! Mom, I promise I will... Unless I get swept off my feet by a handsome Parisian - then I can make no promises. ;)

I can't wait to bundle up in my wool coat and scarf and wander the streets of Paris. I can't wait to sip Cafe Creme in a quiet cafe while reading a great book. I can't wait to go ice skating on a rink by Hotel de Ville. I can't wait to discover new areas of Paris that I didn't have an opportunity to explore on my last trip.

So yes - my life is different than I imagined.

But a planning a trip like this makes me realize that maybe it's even better than the life I imagined.

What do you think, dear readers? So far, has your life turned out like you had imagined?