I Made It

When the world is breaking down around you
Taking everything that you know
What you didn't know
Is that we can go forever
If we want to we can live
Inside of a moment
The one that we own

Here I am on the eve of the day I will depart Charlotte.  I did it - I made it through my year+ of living in a place I didn't want to live.  Have you ever had an experience where you listen to an artist's album and feel like it was written for you?  That has been my experience when listening to Ingrid Michaelson's newest album, Lights Out, which I highly recommend.  Even though my mom isn't going to know a single song so probably won't enjoy listening to it as much as I will, that will be the first album we listen to on our way out of Charlotte.  I'm sprinkling lyrics from the song "Afterlife" throughout this post as they speak so well of how I feel as I prepare to leave Charlotte.

We are
We are going to be alright
We got
We got we always got the fight in us

We are
We are
We are going to live tonight
Like there's no tomorrow
'Cause we're the afterlife

I know it sounds melodramatic to say this, but there were times during this year in Charlotte where I really wondered if I was going to be alright.  It was a year of me treading water in a rough ocean, thinking, "for the love of God, would someone just throw me a life jacket."  I think it was particularly frustrating for my parents and close friends because they saw me struggling but they couldn't do anything to make it stop.  I've been on the other of this and know how hard it is to watch someone struggle and to feel unable to help them.

Living like you're dying
Isn't living at all
Give me your cold hands
Put them on my hearti
Raise a glass to everyone
Who thinks they'll never make it through
This life
To live a brand new start

The past 4 weeks have been healing for me.  I've let go of some of the sense of heaviness that I've been carrying around since last January when I found out about my move.  I feel happier, lighter, more free (for the most part... My frustration with my car accident has set me back a bit on the 'calm' front).  But I know that fully healing from this year of struggles, from my health issues to living in Charlotte to other challenges in my personal life, will not happen over night.  Or in 6 weeks.  Or maybe not even in a year. 

We are
We are going to be alright
We got
We got we always got the fight in us

We are
We are
We are going to live tonight
Like there's no tomorrow
'Cause we're the afterlife

Right now I want to metaphorically box up the experiences of the past year and put them behind a closed door, and lock that door.  I want to put them behind me and focus on the good times ahead of me.  I think one day I will want or need to take that box of memories and experiences out of that locked room and sort through them in order to completely move on from this year, but now is not the time for that. 

Every time I close my eyes
I hear your favorite song
Telling me not run
Not to worry anymore
I can't hold on tight
To nothing better than the rest
So it's now
Or never more

There will be nothing bittersweet about tonight, my last night in Charlotte.  Sure there are things I will miss about North Carolina, like the mountains, hiking, and the friends I've made here, but for the most part, I am just so happy and thankful that I get to close out this chapter of my life and start a new one. 

If it was legal to consume champagne while driving, my mom and I would be toasting as we pull away from Charlotte, but toasting our lattes/coffees will have to suffice.  So if you hear a faint shout of joy around 8 am EST tomorrow morning, that's the exclamation of joy I'll be making when Charlotte is in my rear view mirror.

Here's to new beginnings in a city I love!!