Full Circle

Good morning and Happy Thursday to you all.

I guess you could say that I am still flying high from my news that I shared last week. I know it is just a job, but starting this job really makes me feel like my life has come 'full circle'. I feel like I am on top of the world. I was just chatting with my dear aunt Betty at my Grandpa's sale last week and I expressed how I happy I am with my life these days. I love the city I live in. I found a job that I am excited about and it's something that I know will challenge me - which is so important. I have a great group of friends and a super supportive family.

Really, what more could a girl ask for?

Well, not long ago, I would have told you that my life was never going to be fulfilling until I found my Mr. Right. I'm not saying I am giving up on that - I still hope he is out there. Sometimes I picture him in my mind. He's wearing horn-rimmed glasses, reading a book penned by Hemingway. He embraces my dorky/nerdy side and likes to wander around bookstores with me on date night. He holds my hand when we are driving and opens my car door for me.

Now I am not silly enough to think that my vision of this future Mister is going to match the reality, but it's fun to think about what he could be like.

But I don't feel like I am 'waiting' for someone anymore. For the longest time I felt like I would never be happy until I found my 'other half'. I thought the kind of happiness I feel now was reserved for those that were part of a couple.

It has taken me awhile to get to this place though, and this journey to a happier me has not been an easy one. I think back on those month after Ryan and I broke up, and the person I was then is virtually unrecognizable compared to the woman I am today. I was completely broken and such a mess. I am so thankful for the friends and family that helped me through those dark months. Especially my mom - she was on the receiving end of a lot of tearful conversations and always reassured me that I would get it through it. And I am so thankful for her patience and positive attitude.

Let me be explicit here, though - I do not in any way blame Ryan for those dark and empty months. I think I would have gone through a period like that in my life regardless of whether or not I dated him. I needed to face down some ghosts and figure out who I am and what makes me tick. That relationship ending was just a catalyst for that process.

Anyways, I share this with you for a couple of reason. First, it is always therapeutic for me to write about these experiences. There is something about putting words to emotions and experiences that make them more real and tangible. Second, I share them because I know we are all at different points along our path to happiness; the journey along this path is not always linear. I know there might be a day where I am feeling a little glum, and on those kind of days, I'll pull this entry up and remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for.

The way I feel is best summed up by the refrain of "More," a Tyrone Wells song (his most recent CD rocks, by the way).

I'm alive,

I don't wanna die,

I don't wanna waste another day,

Or night,

I know there's something more,

Than what we're living for,

I see it in the stars,

I feel it on the shores,

I know there's something,

I know there's something more.

Ok, your turn. Are there any periods of your life, either happy or sad, that stand out as a particularly formative time?