Last week, I read "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua. In her memoir, Chua shares her parenting techniques and compares them to the "Western approach" to parenting. I obviously do not have children so have no experience parenting but I was drawn to this book as I am curious about other culture's approaches to parenting. I've heard anecdotes about the Chinese approach to parenting, in passing, so was intrigued by a detailed account of Chua's parenting. The book was a fast, easy read but I must say it was quite appalling. To some extent, she seems to make a joke of the way she treats her daughters or thinks it is 'cute' - but in my opinion, her treatment of her daughters borders on verbal abuse in some circumstances. For instance, at one point she refers to her daughters as garbage... My jaw sort of dropped when I read that! I simply can not fathom my parents referring to me as garbage!!Her rearing techniques seem to be successful with her older daughter but her younger daughter does not take well to the way Chua treats her - or the rigorous schedule. In the end, it seems to backfire and I think that Chua realizes that her strict approach is maybe not the best approach in all circumstances.
Chua is very critical of the "western approach" to parenting. She thinks that, under the western approach, children have too many freedoms and that parents try to be a friend instead of a parent. I think this is probably the case in some families, but it was never the case in my mine. I consider my mom a friend now, but when I was an adolescent that wasn't the case. My parents were strict, but not excessively. They instilled values such as discipline but I still enjoyed my childhood. In my opinion, Chua essentially robs her children of having a childhood. Yes, they are accomplished musicians and did well in school but is it worth the price of not relaxing and enjoying what should be, to some extent, a carefree time in your life?
I gave this book 3 stars on goodreads as it was an engaging, fast read. If I was rating it based on my opinion of the author, I would probably give it 1 or 2 stars, though!
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from TLC Book Tours. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
11 comments:
I read what you'd said about this on Goodreads and I figured then that it probably wasn't a book I would be interested in reading. I don't know - I just feel like I may get annoyed with some of her generalizations. Like I think I've said before - I think we had similar upbringings and my parents didn't try and act like my friend, though I'm happy to be friends with them NOW.
Maybe if/when I'm a mom or after I've raised kids I'd be curious to read this, but right now? Doesn't sound like my thing. I had a lot of friends of Asian decent when I was growing up and they did have what I consider to be a very cold childhood/relationship with their parents. And definitely very booked extra-cirricular activities and super high expectations for grades, school and etc.
Thanks for sharing your review :)
i heard about this book and felt that for my bloodp ressure i better stay away from it haha.
This sounds like an interesting premise for a book, but I wonder how accurate it still is. I know five people who lived in China recently - one is my aunt - and all have expressed surprise bordering on horror at the spoiling that goes on in many cities. Since the "one-child" law perhaps parents are spoiling their children more. My aunt did say, though, that in rural China (she worked for a communications company and had to travel a lot) there was more of the distant relationship this book seems to describe. I might drop by Barnes and Noble and check it out!
I will have to purchase this one on my Kindle - I really want to read it! I think this lady was interviewed on the Today show this week (they were talking about her the other day)
I completely agree with what you said about the necessity of BALANCE that needs to exist within a child/parent's relationship. How can you teach your child respect, if you don't even respect them??
Ryan had a friend that he graudated from UA with a parents very similar to this. His stories just had me in-awe. His parents live here in Tucson, and b/c he didn't graduate with high honors -- they didn't even attend his college graduation. I just think that's so sad.
Good review!
Interesting - I find parenting and the child-parent relationship in other cultures very fascinating as well! I do think that the North American culture tends to raise spoiled children, not that that doesn't mean they don't turn out well as adults (I was SUPER spoiled) but I feel that a lot of kids/teenagers (that I've encountered anyways) are very bratty and righteous. And all these teenagers with iPhones and hair extensions? Kind of ridiculous! I wonder what it's like in European cultures...
I am fascinated by how people from other cultures parent ... sometimes I think it is a lot better than what we see in North America.
I've been hearing a lot about this book lately. While I do think it sound like an interesting topic, I can't imagine that I would actually enjoy reading it. I think I'd just get to fed up with her parenting techniques to enjoy it.
Wow, clearly a very interesting topic. I have found a lot of Asian cultures to be very strict with their kids, I think they definitely love them though- just show it in a different way, I haven't heard any parents refer to their kids as garbage- terrible! but they are sometimes harsher than I would expect. Like she found in the book, this works well for some kids and backfires for others- same with the "western" way of raising children. Though I have to say, just like it's hard to generalize Asian cultures- its hard to generalize western ones- the way the Mormon parents in my classroom raise their kids vs. some other families is really different. I don't think my parents were my "friends", but I can see her argument because I see it with a lot of families now. I get a lot of, "well they didn't want to do that..." well, they are 5 so they don't get to pick everything haha.
I'm pretty sure that I would find the book mortifiying. My mom had a very laid back, hands off approach to raising me because her mom was incredibly strict with her. I don't know that I could read this book and be ok with the authors line of thought, it just seems really emotionally damaging.
I often find it hard to judge a memoir (do I rate the book or my opinion of the author?) so I love that you have it two ratings - that makes so much sense to me.
Thanks for being a part of the tour! I'm glad you enjoyed the book even if you disagreed with most of the author's actions.
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