Learned a Lot

Remember when I said I totally fell in love with Amos Lee last month?  This is one of my favorite songs off his newest album.

Spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling

Spent a lot of time talking to walls

Spent a lot of time chasing that old time feeling

Spent a lot of time waiting on your call

It's all about the lessons you learn through heart break.  You see, I've been dating for 14 years.  14 YEARS.  That is a long time.  I have siblings and friends that dated for about 1/4 - 1/2 of that time.  So yes, I've dated a lot, but I have also learned a lot. 

And I've learned a lot

really learned a lot

broken down on my bedroom floor

yes I've learned a lot

really learned a lot

I hope you found what you were looking for

Here are some of the lessons I've learned over the last 14 years:

• If they care, they will call; if they don't, they won't. 
• Trust your gut instinct.  Don't dismiss a feeling that something doesn't feel right. 
• The one who cares the least has the most control.  A detectible misbalance (regardless of whether you are the one who cares more or less) puts a not-so-good spin on the relationship.  
• You can not buy the other person's affections by being the perfect girlfriend.  It's not about being perfect.  It's about being perfect for each other.
• If you aren't happy on your own, you won't be happy in a relationship.  In the beginning?  Yes.  But in the long run?  Unlikely.
• It is far better to be single than to be in an unfulfilling relationship.
• This quote is totally true:  "Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the  sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost." 

Oh and darling

Instead of running

I think it might be time to sit down

and deal with the pain

Late at night I sit and listen to the freeway

rolling like a river on a distant shore

nobody told me that living was easy

I ain't living in fear anymore

It's taken years, but I recently realized that I have let go of the wounds of past relationships. 

I have let go of the bitterness.  I have let go of the "Whys" and the "How could yous" and instead of focusing on the disappointments of past dating experiences, I'm shifting my focus to appreciating the lessons I've learned along the way. 

I'll close with this great quote about forgiveness and letting go of things that has really resonated with me:

"We are chained to that which we do not forgive...  Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor.  Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor.  You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is." 

What have you learned through your years of dating?

And PS - isn't Amos Lee dreamy?  I mean, he's the total package in my opinion.  Great voice.  Plays the guitar.  Has adorably disheleved hair.  Wear glasses.  What's not to love?