Our Growing Family

This has been a heavy year so far with COVID, the resulting economic hardship many are experiencing as a result, and the social unrest from the systemic racism that has plagued our country for so many years and is finally getting the attention it deserves. But in the midst of all this darkness and difficulty, we have some good news to share...

 Our waving baby at 11 weeks.

WE ARE EXPECTING!! 

It's been a much harder road to a 2nd child than it was having Paul. For those who haven't read my blog for a long time we got pregnant with Paul the month after we got married in 2017. We knew we were incredibly lucky then but now I really know how lucky we were after having a harder time having a 2nd child. Longer-time readers know that we had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in October which was a very difficult and heartbreaking experience for us. And then the path to getting pregnant again was not easy as my cycle was impacted by being on and off steroids to treat RA flares.

But... here we are - expecting our 2nd child. I do not take for granted how lucky we are and my heart goes out to those struggling with infertility. It breaks my heart that the ability to grow a family is out of the hands of so many couples. So for those you dealing with that - I see you and I have so much compassion and empathy for what you are going through.

Now for the details!

How far along are you?

I am 15 weeks along!

What's the official due date?

December 8th, 2020 but I will have a scheduled C-section around 39 weeks so baby S will arrive in early December. I'm opting for a scheduled C-section as I can't handle repeating what happened with Paul - I labored for over a day, got to 9cm (without an epidural as I wasn't allowed to get one due to being on blood thinners) and then needed a C-section because his head wouldn't descend and his heart rate was dropping. Also, having a scheduled C-section makes sense since I am on blood thinners again due to a genetic mutation that makes me prone to clots (I had a massive blood clot at 34 weeks with Paul). It's just easy to manage all around as being on blood thinners really complicates things. I know I don't need to defend our decision to have a planned C-section but I do feel a little defensive about it. I would have to NOT have to have major surgery to bring a child into the world but after discussing it with my OB, we feel it's the safest decision all around.

Are you showing at all?

Yes, this time around I am showing. I have a fairly small bump. With Paul I did not show until closer to 18 weeks so this is a very different experience for me! The lighting in this picture isn't great but it shows you my little bump. I'm in that awkward stage where it's hard to tell if I am pregnant or just eating a little too much ice cream. Ha.

How did you tell Phil?

Once again, there was no pomp and circumstance to telling Phil. I had to do a lot of monitoring when we were trying for #2 so he knew exactly when I was going to take the test and was anxiously waiting in the bedroom while I was in our master bathroom. Earlier that week he had said, "you know we are going to have a positive test now that COVID-19 is happening!" We found out I was expecting in late March right when things were starting to get bad.

How did you tell your family?


I called my parents the weekend before the 8 week ultrasound to share the news. I was extremely anxious about the 8 week ultrasound as that's when we found out our last baby didn't have a heartbeat and I had to go to this appointment (and all appointments for this pregnancy alone). So I needed the extra prayers and support of my parents. I also told my little sister via text the day we got the positive pregnancy test as we are very close and share everything. I told my other siblings via text after the 8-week ultrasound. Again, it's on the early side to tell people but I knew they'd keep it to themselves and we wanted the extra support and prayers.

Phil wanted to wait until we had the genetic testing back to tell his mom so we told her when I was almost 14 weeks. We went out to her house for the afternoon and had Paul wear this shirt (it says Soon to be a big brother). She quickly read what was on his shirt and was so excited!

Will you find out the sex of the baby?

We decided to do things differently this time and found out during the genetic testing (we did not find out the gender with Paul). Drumroll..... it's another boy!! I was not the least bit surprised because this pregnancy is exactly like my pregnancy with Paul. Plus, Phil's family tends to have boys. I was obviously open to either gender but I've kind of always pictured myself as being a mom of boys. We would have of course been excited to have a girl but I never felt strongly about really wanting to have a daughter like many women do. Now we need to figure out a name though - having a girl would have been nice as we had a girl named picked up if Paul had been a girl. But we've got 5 months to figure that out!

How have you been feeling physically? 

Overall, I've been feeling pretty good. My RA is much better managed this time around. Back in February I was able to go back on the drug I was on before getting pregnant with Paul as there is more evidence that it is safe for pregnancy. My RA definitely isn't in remission (it goes into remission for over 50% of women) but it's not terrible. I've been able to manage all of my flares with a topical anti-inflammatory gel.

I did have the same bleeding issue that I had with Paul - it's called a subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH). It's a area of bleeding that develops around the placenta. I had some bleeding the day I put in my garden fence so that scared the heck out of me. I was able to get in for an ultrasound the next day which confirmed I have an SCH. Being on blood thinners complicates things as it's harder for the bleeding issue to resolve. So I have been taking it easy and sticking to just walks as heavier activity would likely result in more bleeding.

But as far as pregnancy-specific symptoms, I am pretty lucky. I had the same aversions as I did with Paul (coffee and sweets). They are getting better and I'm back to treating myself to the occasional coffee (I packed away my coffee pot during the 5th week when the smell was making me gag). There are still things I can't/won't eat like yogurt and hard-boiled eggs, which were staples in my diet before. But overall, I'm incredibly lucky and my nausea has been very minor and I have not thrown up!

How have you been feeling emotionally? 

Oof. This has been the hardest aspect of the pregnancy. After having a miscarriage with no signs in the fall, I was so anxious it would happen again. Plus 2 good friends had miscarriages in Feb/Mar around 12 weeks after hearing the heartbeat at 8 weeks. So I was so paranoid that was going to happen to us. Now that I'm 15 weeks, I'm feeling more confident in things and trying to trust it will all work out.

How have you been sleeping?

My sleep has been hit or miss. The exhaustion during this pregnancy is unreal, but I think chasing a 2-year old around is way different than being pregnant with no kids in the house! Also, COVID has really turned life upside down and we had Paul home with until I hit the 8 week mark of pregnancy. I purposely waited until we saw the heartbeat at 8 weeks to send him back to daycare as I was worried I'd have another miscarriage and would need my mom to come watch him if I needed a D and C. And I wouldn't have felt right having her watch him if he'd been at daycare and exposed to who knows what. This is just an example of where your mind goes when you've experienced a loss...

I definitely live for weekend naps and nearly always nap while Paul is napping.

Have you had any aversions or cravings?

As I mentioned above, I had an aversion to coffee and sweets but that's getting better. I don't really have any strong cravings although I have been eating a lot of pickles but that's not super abnormal for me since pickles are one of my favorite foods!

What have you been doing for exercise?

Just walking! But my OB wanted me to take it easy due to the SCH issue and I feel like I can still get a good workout with walks as there are lots of hills in our area that get my heart racing. I do really miss running and now is when I could easily fit it in since I'm working from home. But I just keep telling myself that this is not the season of life for running. Some day I will return to that sport but not in the near future.

So there you have it, a long post with lots of details. I think I will post every 4 weeks like I did with Paul, starting at 18 weeks. I know pregnancy posts are not everyone's cup of tea, but I know some like to read them (I really do!) and I love being able to look back on the posts from my pregnancy with Paul.