New Years Eve

Confession: I hate New Years Eve. Seriously. I read Nora's post about it earlier this month and thought - YES, that's exactly how I feel about this stupid holiday! I think it is such an over-rated holiday. I've had a couple of fun NYE nights, but most of them have been a bit lack luster. I'm not going to be all whiny and get into why I dislike this holiday and feel like it is a couple-centric holiday.

Instead, let me tell you how I will be spending it! Instead of going out and facing the crowd, prix fixe menus, and steep cover charges, I will be heading north to my parents' lake cabin. I can't wait to bring in the New Year with my parents and 2 of my 4 siblings. We are making a big family dinner and will probably play games and watch movies. It's going to be fan-freaking-tastic!

Last year I posted about resolutions, but this year I won't be doing that. Why? Well, in about 6 weeks, I will be posting a '30 before 30' list on or around my 29th birthday. It's going to be a challenge to tackle 30 things in 12 months, but being a list-lover, goal-oriented girl, I am confident I can accomplish everything on my list! So stay tuned for that...

I do have one resolution that doesn't fit into the whole '30 before 30' list, though. So my 2010 resolution is to cut down on the lattes. It's kind of getting out of control. Do I really need to drink a Large, ~$4 latte every day? No, I really don't. Yes, it makes me happy, but it went from being a treat to being part of my daily routine. If I keep up with this habit, I will spend close to $1,200 on coffee in 2010. So my goal for 2010 is to have a latte on Friday. It will be my treat for making it through the week. How will I survive Mon-Thur? I am going to make coffee at home and bring it to work. Much cheaper.

How about you? Are you making any New Years resolutions? How will you be celebrating tonight?

Book Review: Traveling with Pomegranates

This book has been on my to-read list for awhile! I was drawn to it since it is a travel memoir that focuses on the dynamic between mothers and daughters. Then Mandy read it and told me how much she loved it, so I bumped it up on my to-read list and tackled it last month! You might recognize one of the authors - Sue Monk Kidd. She wrote the best-seller "The Secret Life of Bees," which has since been made into a movie. Sue and her daughter, Anne, took 3 trips Greece and France together and this book is the reflection of their journey through these countries - with emphasis on their own personal journey. Anne is in her early 20s and is struggling to find her place in the world. Sue is turning 50 and is struggling with the transition into becoming an older woman. Both are trying to define themselves in a new world, and are also trying to define their relationship.

Having gone through that "quarter-life crisis" that occurs in your early 20's, I could really relate to Anne's story. In the early part of the book, she really struggles with depression - which is something I have struggled with during my 20s. I slipped in and out of that depression from college graduation until about 12 months ago when I finally kicked it for good.

When I was struggling with depression, I became a shadow of who I am, and I know it did not go unnoticed by my family. Sue also noticed the shift in her daughter but hadn't really asked her daughter about it. On their flight over to Greece she says the following about her daughter:

"When I inquired, she said she was fine. But on the flight over, during the hours she sat next to me, she stared out the oval window, at the SkyMall catalog, at the movie playing on the monitor over our heads, and there was an emission of sadness around her, like the faint dots and dashes of Morse code blinking secret distress." (p. 7)

I can remember a trip to Chicago with my parents to attend a wedding - I don't remember what was going on in my life at the time, but I was miserable. I think I was radiating sadness. My mom tried to ask me what was wrong and how they could help, but I couldn't tell her what to do or say to make it better and I certainly wasn't able to help myself. When she asked me what was wrong, my typical response was always that I was fine. I think I so badly wanted that to be the case, I kept saying I was fine hoping that eventually it would be true.

A theme of this book is the Greek myth of Persephone and Demeter. If you are interested, you can read about it here, but to sum it up, Persephone, the daughter, is abducted by Hades, lord of the dead, and falls into a hole in the earth. Demeter, the mother, abandons all of her responsibilities to search for her daughter. Eventually Persephone returns to her, but she is no longer the same innocent girl - she has been transfigured by her experience on the dark side. Demeter embraces her daughter and loves her for who she is, even if she is a slightly different woman. Sue feels like Demeter - the depression Anne experiences is similar to the abduction by Hades, and as Sue says at one point, she just wants her daughter back. (p. 11)

Throughout the course of the book, Anne figured out what sparked the depression. For her, the source of her depression was a grad school rejection letter. As she says, "I do realize the letter has become far more than a rejection letter. Somehow it has gotten attached to much deeper things, turning into a catchall for everything that seems wrong with me: 'Anne: the Official Document.'" (p. 82)

Anne does eventually find her way out of the darkness - as have I. I can see the changes in myself and my parents and siblings can see them as well. I've shaken the shadow of despair I felt. I don't think I will ever fully understand the source of my depression; I know part of it had to do with how my life was playing out compared to how I thought it would. My career wasn't fulfilling and while everyone else around me was finding their husbands and getting married, I kept going through difficult break-ups. Eventually I came to the point where I realized my worth as an individual wasn't about the job I had or whether I was married. Those things are, to some extent, out of my control, so basing my worth on them was a slippery slope.

I feel the same way as Anne does about the time I spent feeling depressed. As she says, "I think how my experience in the underworld has brought me to a new sense of myself, the way my self-rejection has turned into acceptance and a new way of valuing myself. As painful as that was, I wouldn't change any of it." (p.262)

I am very thankful that my mom and dad were there for me during those tough times and never stopped asking if I was ok. They didn't give up on me, and for that I am thankful. I've grown so much closer to my mom as a result.

I am going to close with one final quote from the book about the mother/daughter relationship:

"I've tried to understand what the embrace between Demeter and Persephone means. I have come to believe it's really about that aperture opening. It's the channel where the souls of a mother and a daughter open and flow as two separate adults, woman to woman. It is, I know now, a place created through necessary loss and necessary search, and a reinvention of the whole relationship."

This book was a wonderful read for me, but it was hard to write this review and bare my soul to all of you. For some reason, there is still a stigma around saying you have struggled with depression. I think our society is getting closer to thinking about depression as you would any other condition - such as hypertension, but we have a ways to go.

Scarf unveiling...

I bet you were expecting a Ten on Tuesday post, weren't you? ToT is taking a little holiday break, but I will be back with more random questions/answers next week!

So today I am going to show you the scarves that I made for my mom, sisters, and sisters-in-law. I started working on these back in April, I believe? It was so hard to keep them a secret. No one, besides my mom, really knew that I was doing this!!

Without further ado, here they are!

The first one is for my mom - we saw a scarf that was knit from this pattern when we were shopping for yarn in the town close to my parents' lake cabin. My mom just loved the scarf but the shop owner didn't have the pattern. Luckily I randomly stumbled upon it while browsing a pattern site this winter. There are probably thousands of patterns, so it's extremely odd that I found this! It looks difficult, but it's not too tricky. It does require a lot of concentration, though! Many of the patterns I do are kind of 'mindless' but this one definitely isn't!


Here's a close-up of it - the entire scarf has that wave pattern going on. My mom loved it and I think she has worn it every day so far!!


I made this one for my younger sister, Abby. She LOVES green so I chose this variegated green yarn and found a checkered pattern. The odd thing is that it matches her winter coat PERFECTLY. I seriously couldn't have found a better matching scarf! Granted, she probably won't get a whole lot of use out of it since she lives in Arizona, but it is definitely keeping her warm while she is home over the holidays!


Here's a close-up of the checkered pattern.


I made this one for my sister-in-law, Julie. This one was actually the most time consuming. I am going to guess it took about 20-25 hours? The reason is that I used pretty small needles. It turned out great, though! Ribbed scarves are my favorite!


I made this one for my older sister, Emily. She is a teacher and this scarf sort of struck me as an 'academic' scarf. No idea why - maybe because it sort of reminds me of Harry Potter's scarf? The colors are similar.


Last, but not least, I made this scarf for my sister-in-law, Emily. Yep, you read that right, I have a sister AND a SIL named Emily. Gets a bit confusing sometimes - we definitely have to use middle or last names when referring to them! Anyways, I knit this one out of a really, really thick yarn and huge needles. I basically felt like I was knitting with baseball bats since I knit this right after I made my SIL's scarf on smaller needles. It turned out great and features a diagonal pattern that switches direction.


Here's a close-up of the diagonal pattern. It's kind of hard to see it, but it's there. :) This was probably the most frustrating pattern. You had to use a certain set of stitches to get the diagonal to go the direction you wanted it to go. One night I freaking could NOT get it to go the right direction. I knit & undid the same 10-20 rows over. and over. and over. I finally gave up and went to bed. The next night I got it on my first try!


So there you have it! I really enjoyed making these scarves and the recipients all seemed to really like them! I am currently working on another gift - it's so fun to have a hobby that makes fun gifts that people usually enjoy receiving. I mean, who doesn't like scarves, right?

I've gotten some questions about how I got started on knitting so will put together a post on that in early January!

Which of the scarves I made do you like best?

Christmas was..

Happy Monday! I can't believe Christmas has come and gone - it was such a fun weekend, but sort of a whirlwind! I was too tired/lazy to download any pictures and videos last night so here is my weekend in bullet points (photo post to come next week when I actually have some time in the evenings!)

Christmas was...

• putting together a 500 piece puzzle with my grandma, cousin, and aunts.
• being equally excited when my 4 1/2 year old nephew put together the 40 piece puzzle I got him as part of his Christmas present - he was so proud of himself!
• hearing my 20 month old nephew say my name for the first time!! I tried getting him to call me "La La" all summer since I figured that would be easier, but he has now mastered "isa" as well as everyone else's names!
• watching my sisters, sisters-in-law, and mom open the present with the scarf I had knitted them! I was so nervous that some maybe wouldn't like the pattern/color I chose but everyone seemed to love them!
• getting my car stuck in the snow for the first time in like 10 years. We got hit with quite the blizzard.
• celebrating with all of my dad's siblings - they haven't all been together on Christmas since 2000! My grandpa was definitely greatly missed but we all had a wonderful time together.
• feeling a twinge of sadness when I looked at the wall that used to hold all our senior pictures which now holds all of my siblings' wedding photos... and my senior picture. I asked my mom to please take my photo down from what I refer to the 'wedding wall'. It just looks out of place.
• feeling that same twinge of sadness when 'family photos' were taken the night of my parents anniversary dinner. I am so thankful that nobody asked me to pose by myself. I just kept myself entertained with my blackberry and tried not to think about how I was the only person in my family who didn't have someone to take a photo with.
• nearly crying when I opening the gluten free recipe book that my sister-in-law compiled for me; I was so touched that she went to the work of gathering all these GF recipes and writing them out!
• watching my 20 month-old nephew dance along to the song his Elmo doll sang - hilarious! I will be posting a video of this next week!
• eating gluten free sugar and kiss cookies my aunt got for me - which taste EXACTLY like my mom's!
  
• winning 4 games of bananagrams in a row. That game rocks!! Although I don't know if anyone in my family will want to play with me anymore after my winning streak!
• having a mini-slumber party with my 4 1/2 year old nephew and waking up to him snuggled up against me! He is definitely a cuddler!
• exactly what I needed. I feel refreshed after the long weekend with my family - I can't wait to see them again on New Years Eve!

How was your Christmas?

Oh, and a very special Happy Birthday goes out to my dear dad!

And the winner is...

Time to reveal the winner of my giveaway!

And the winner is....

Nicole from My Life with a Crazy Puppy! Nicole, please send me your address. I will try to get the hat & scarf made within the next month or so!

I am heading up to my parents' today at noon. I had originally planned to leave after work, but they are forecasting a storm so I decided to take a 1/2 day today. I am not crazy about driving in the dark by myself and REALLY don't like driving in the dark by myself when it's storming. So even though it kind of sucks to waste vacation time driving, it's totally worth the peace of mind of knowing I'll get to my hometown safe and sound!

I'll be at my parents' house through Friday and then we head to the cabin for the remainder of the weekend. I can't wait to spend the next 4 days with my family! I plan to sleep in tomorrow, soak up the time with my family, play the piano, and do some knitting.

I hope you all have a safe and fabulous weekend! I'll be back on Monday with some sort of recap! I can't wait to hear all about your holiday - and catch up on the posts from this week. I have not had time in the evenings to do much blog reading, but I promise to get caught up eventually!!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Ten on Tuesdays

Time for a Christmas themed Ten on Tuesday!!


1. When do you put up and take down your Christmas decorations?
I put them up the 1st or 2nd weekend after Thanksgiving. I take them down after we celebrate Epiphany - which is usually about the 2nd weekend in January.

2. What do you do to simplify the holiday season?
What does simplify mean? Ha. Kidding. Um, I don't really do much to simplify the season, in my opinion. I put more and more stress on myself and expect myself to get way more done than I really have time for. I should work on that whole simplifying thing.

3. What do you do to remind yourself and your family what the Christmas season is all about?
Spend time with family and friends, read the Magnificat each day (Catholic publication with daily prayers/meditations), focus on the peace of this season. It is easy to get caught up in the hustle & bustle of the season, but I try my best to focus on what we are celebrating - the birth of Christ.

4. How do you spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?
Christmas Eve is spent with my immediate family. We have a huge seafood feast, open presents, and then have homemade ice cream for dessert. The homemade ice cream is to die for. If you've never had it, I feel very sorry for you because it is AMAZING.

Christmas Day is spent with my dad's side of the family. We have a meal that is similar to what you'd have on Thanksgiving. I always thought of it as a smaller gathering when I was growing up since my dad only has 3 siblings (doesn't seem like much since my mom has 7!). But this year, there are going to be about 40 of us! That is not a small gathering!!

5. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?
Our Christmas Eve meal. As I've gotten older, the evening is more about sharing an amazing meal with family. The present opening is fun, but the focus of the evening is definitely enjoying each others' company while preparing a meal.

6. Did you do the whole Santa thing growing up? What do you like/not like about continuing the tradition?
Yep, we did. He usually came while we were opening gifts. My parents were pretty clever. My dad would inevitably get a gift of clothing that he would just HAVE to try on immediately. So he'd go into their bedroom and on his way, he'd ring the doorbell (he was able to do this from the hall with some odd contraption we used to have where you could set your doorbell to be a song). So the doorbell would ring, us kids would all run down to the front door - no one would be there, and we'd get back upstairs and there would be a bag of gifts on the deck.

The Santa tradition is still alive and well in our family, but it's different now - Santa now comes at night for the kiddos and then us adults get fun stocking stuffers. I love that the tradition is alive - there is nothing that I don't like about it!

7. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?
This is a sensitive question for me. :( Now that I am gluten free, I can't have any of my favorites from the past - like sugar cookies, kiss cookies, or gingerbread men. But those peanut butter balls are pretty fantastic so they make a great substitute! But my heart does ache a little bit for my mom's sugar cookies. They are to DIE FOR. Well, anything she bakes is, but especially her cookies.

8. How do you take your egg nog?
Um, not at all. I am not a fan of the stuff!!

9. What is your favorite Christmas carol and why?
Probably Silent Night. It is a beautiful hymn and its an easy one to sing in harmony. I'm more of a harmony person v. a melody person. Some songs are easy to sing the harmony to, and this is one of them!

10. When was the last time you had a white Christmas?
I have never NOT had a white Christmas - at least not one that I could remember. And I am glad about that! Since I grew up with snow every Christmas, I think it'd be sad to not have it.

Christmas is Coming!

I cannot believe it is Christmas week. How in the heck did this holiday sneak up on me? I think back to my childhood year - it seemed like it took FOREVER for Christmas Eve to arrive. I guess back then I was all about the presents under the tree. I still enjoy the presents aspect, but that's not what I am most looking forward to. I am more looking forward to seeing all of my siblings, their spouses, and my nephews. We aren't all together under one roof often enough. Honestly, if my parents decided not to buy gifts anymore, I wouldn't even care! I am more excited about watching my nephews open their gifts! Having kids around definitely changes the focus of Christmas!

Here's some photos of things I've done to prepare for the holiday season:

My favorite Holiday treats are now off limits since I am Gluten Free, so I made something new that I could enjoy this year - peanut butter balls! They are to die for!!

I usually have a cookie decorating party - this year I changed it to a Gingerbread house decorating party. I've told you guys I have no artistic ability - here is the evidence. I kind of wanted to lie and say my 4 year old nephew decorated it. But honesty is the best policy. This is the handiwork of a 28 year old. If you could see a side shot of the house, you would notice that I actually put the roof on upside down so the shingles are going in the wrong direction. Oops.

This is what a gingerbread house decorated by an adult should look like! This was my friend Brooke's - she is so talented!!

There is a good reason why I shoddily put that Gingerbread house together. My friend Amanda was over with her baby. Stella was born on December 2nd and is such a beautiful baby! I rushed to get my Gingerbread house decorated so I could hold her and give Amanda a chance to do some decorating. There is nothing more relaxing than holding a baby and putting her to sleep. And don't you love the name Stella?? I know I do!!

Here is my Christmas tree, which I decorated on my own for the first time in years. I suck at all things crafty, but managed to not make it look too terrible!

If you celebrate Christmas, how will you be celebrating it this year? I am heading home on Wednesday after work and absolutely can't wait!