I recently read "Text Me When You Get Home" which is all about the evolution of female friendships. It looks at the history of female friendships and examines why they weren't an area of focus for older generations. That examination rang true for me as I would say that my mom (hi, mom!) did not focus on female friendships - outside of her sisters. This comment is not a knock against my mom - I think it's common for women of her time. She was married in her early 20s, raised 5 kids, ran/still runs a business with my dad, and was very active in their church and the community. There wasn't a lot of time for her to develop friendships, nor did she really have a big pool of women to choose from since she lives in a rural area. That's not to say she didn't/doesn't have friends. I just wouldn't say they were an area of focus for her. My dad is her best friend. Her siblings and cousins were her best friends when she was growing up, and her siblings, especially her sisters, continue to be her best friends.
For me, female friendships are a very essential and life-giving part of my life. But that hasn't always been the case. Female friendships - or the lack thereof - have the potential bring pain or joy. I've experienced both ends of the spectrum.
In elementary/junior high/high school, I definitely resided on the painful end of the female friendship spectrum. I grew up in a very small community and as a result, the selection of girls to be friends with was very, very small. I mean, my graduating class had 28 people! Reading the "Mean Girls" chapter of "Text Me When You Get Home" brought back a lot of (painful) memories of how out of place I felt during my pre-collegiate school years. I had friends but the quality of the friendships was not great. I have a very vivid memory of playing Upwords with my grandma in her kitchen when I was probably in my tweens, explaining some of the challenges of my friendship with a girl I considered to be my best friend. After explaining what was going on, my grandma told me that it sounded like this girl was a "fair weather" friend and that I was worthy of a much more. The friendships I had in elementary/middle school/high school were all pretty much "fair weather" friends.
During those rough middle/high school years, a friendship with a cousin who is 11 months younger than me was my saving grace, as were friendships I developed through my high school boyfriend. My high school boyfriend lived about an hour away but it was like he lived in a whole other world because things like academic achievement and musical abilities were valued. At my high school, the only things that were truly valued among the student body was your athletic abilities or breaking the rules by smoking/drinking/partying on the weekend. At my boyfriend's school, it was refreshing to see that you could be valued for being athletic, but also for things like musical talent. In fact, some of their best athletes were also in band and/or show choir. And while I am sure some kids in his school smoke and drank, that was not the case with my boyfriend and his group of friends.
My parents witnessed some of the, well, cruelty, I experienced during my junior and high school years and my mom assured me that once I went to college, I'd meet life-long friends who would love me for who I am. Luckily, she was right (aren't moms always right? I can say that now that I'm a mom - ha!). I really blossomed during my college years and quickly met girls that I am still close to 15-20 years later. It was very reassuring to quickly discover that it was actually kind of "cool" to be smart and like academics. No one cared that I wasn't athletic - it was no longer a point of emphasis.
I think I've covered enough ground for one post - in my next post I'll talk about the importance of friendships and how the way I form friendships has changed with time.
Did you have a best friend(s) when you were young or did it take you awhile to find your tribe?
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 7, 2019
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
What I Struggle With
This is one of those posts that should have a subtitle of "keepin' it real." I read several other posts like this from other bloggers last year, like Caroline's post last fall and really appreciated the honesty of the posts.
Most of us tend to focus on the good and positive aspects of our life but it can sometimes paint an unrealistic picture of an effortless, issue-free life. Yes, I love my life and am very happy with where I am today, but that doesn't mean there aren't things I struggle with... So in an effort give you the full story of my life, here are some things that I struggle with.
1. Saying yes to the right amount of things. Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an over-planner. I over-planned my life this fall to the extent that I wasn't really enjoying the plans I was making which defeats the purpose of making plans at all. I have a hard time saying no to things because it makes me feel guilty and selfish. I am very fortunate to have so many opportunities to say yes to as I have a diverse group of friends (college friends, work friends from past and current jobs, grad school friends, run club friends, Phil's friends, blog friends, etc) but I have to figure out how to say yes to less so I don't feel bogged down by my schedule. This has become more challenging now that I am in a relationship as in my single days I would make plans to see friends 3+ days a week and that was fine, but now that Phil is in my life, I want and need to carve out time for the two of us and I also need some alone time on top of all of that.
2. Being in a different stage of life than most of my friends. Let me preface this struggle by saying that I am so very happy that my friends lives have taken the direction they have. But sometimes it is hard to be in such a different place in life than most of my friends (i.e. most are married and have children). We have less that we are able to relate to in each others lives because the source of our struggles are different and we probably each romanticize what the other person's life is like. All this is not to say that it's not possible to have close friendships with people who are in a different stage of life, because I do not think that is the case at all... It has just gotten more challenging for me as I get older and the gap between our day-to-day life experiences widens.
3. Figuring out my career. I've worked so hard over the last 8+ years to get my MBA and become a CFA Charterholder. But sometimes (OK, many days lately) I wonder why I worked so hard to arrive on a career path that has left me feeling unfulfilled lately. I'm not going to give up on a career in finance as I know that some of my dissatisfaction I've felt in my last couple of roles has been strongly influenced by the work environment, but I am struggling to figure out where exactly I fit in the finance world.
4. Not comparing my relationship to others. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said, "comparison is the thief of joy." For the most part, no good comes of comparing our lives to others but it's something I am guilty of, especially when it comes to relationships. It isn't a healthy exercise because each relationship is as unique as the two people that form the relationship.
I could go on and include other things like sleep, being patient with others and myself, being in situations where I'm not in control, and the list goes on and on.
It's hard to write posts like this as they make a person feel vulnerable but I think it's important to mix in a dose of reality because I'd hate for anyone to read my blog and come away thinking that I live an easy life or have it all figured out because that is so far from the truth!
What do you struggle with?
Most of us tend to focus on the good and positive aspects of our life but it can sometimes paint an unrealistic picture of an effortless, issue-free life. Yes, I love my life and am very happy with where I am today, but that doesn't mean there aren't things I struggle with... So in an effort give you the full story of my life, here are some things that I struggle with.
1. Saying yes to the right amount of things. Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an over-planner. I over-planned my life this fall to the extent that I wasn't really enjoying the plans I was making which defeats the purpose of making plans at all. I have a hard time saying no to things because it makes me feel guilty and selfish. I am very fortunate to have so many opportunities to say yes to as I have a diverse group of friends (college friends, work friends from past and current jobs, grad school friends, run club friends, Phil's friends, blog friends, etc) but I have to figure out how to say yes to less so I don't feel bogged down by my schedule. This has become more challenging now that I am in a relationship as in my single days I would make plans to see friends 3+ days a week and that was fine, but now that Phil is in my life, I want and need to carve out time for the two of us and I also need some alone time on top of all of that.
2. Being in a different stage of life than most of my friends. Let me preface this struggle by saying that I am so very happy that my friends lives have taken the direction they have. But sometimes it is hard to be in such a different place in life than most of my friends (i.e. most are married and have children). We have less that we are able to relate to in each others lives because the source of our struggles are different and we probably each romanticize what the other person's life is like. All this is not to say that it's not possible to have close friendships with people who are in a different stage of life, because I do not think that is the case at all... It has just gotten more challenging for me as I get older and the gap between our day-to-day life experiences widens.
3. Figuring out my career. I've worked so hard over the last 8+ years to get my MBA and become a CFA Charterholder. But sometimes (OK, many days lately) I wonder why I worked so hard to arrive on a career path that has left me feeling unfulfilled lately. I'm not going to give up on a career in finance as I know that some of my dissatisfaction I've felt in my last couple of roles has been strongly influenced by the work environment, but I am struggling to figure out where exactly I fit in the finance world.
4. Not comparing my relationship to others. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said, "comparison is the thief of joy." For the most part, no good comes of comparing our lives to others but it's something I am guilty of, especially when it comes to relationships. It isn't a healthy exercise because each relationship is as unique as the two people that form the relationship.
I could go on and include other things like sleep, being patient with others and myself, being in situations where I'm not in control, and the list goes on and on.
It's hard to write posts like this as they make a person feel vulnerable but I think it's important to mix in a dose of reality because I'd hate for anyone to read my blog and come away thinking that I live an easy life or have it all figured out because that is so far from the truth!
What do you struggle with?
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Sorry I'm Not Sorry
This post has been brewing in my head for quite some time, in different formats and with different titles. But earlier this week, the lovely Amy of Coffee & Sunshine shared this post which struck a note with me and got my creative juices flowing. You should really go read the whole post, but her post is basically about getting excited about the life that you are living and not being ashamed or embarrassed of our passions.
I am going off on a bit of a tangent here, but after reading that post, I reflected back on conversations I've had with a couple of different people from different corners of my life. And the topic of those conversations has been that I feel like I no longer fall under the conventional definition of "fun."
What do I mean by this? Well, while I am certainly as single as they come, I am not living the stereotypical life of a "fabulous 30-something." I'm not closing down the bar. I don't go to dance clubs. I don't meet up with friends for cosmopolitans on a Tuesday night. Let's face it - most nights I am in bed by 9:30 and that includes Friday nights as I have to get a good night of sleep before my long runs on Saturdays.
The truth of the matter is -- I never have enjoyed going to bars, not even in college. I've never been good at staying up until last call. I mean, truth be told, I have actually been known to fall asleep at the bar on occasion (yes, seriously, there are photos to prove this)! I have never been, nor will ever be, the life of the party.
But I spent so much of my 20s apologizing for or being embarrassed or insecure about the fact that I wasn't good at staying out late or drinking more than 1-2 drinks in the span of an evening, and I let myself believe the lie I had been telling myself - and that lie was that I wasn't a fun person. Now that I am 31 and have a better sense of self and my priorities/interests, I've gotten to a point where, well, I'm not sorry that I don't enjoy those types of activities. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy getting together with friends for cocktails and conversations, I would just prefer to be out between the hours of, say, 7-10, instead of 9-12.
I've redefined my definition of fun. Fun to me means getting together with girlfriends for wine at one of their houses, which might mean taking part in the bedtime rituals of their little ones (which are moments that I relish, as I know they are fleeting). Fun is getting together at 7 am on a Saturday morning for a double-digit long run around the lakes and rivers of Minneapolis in the company of my fellow run club members. Fun is a night in that includes a home-cooked dinner and tackling my next knitting project. Fun is sharing my passion for all things French by planning an over-the-top delicious menu for our next Julia Child night. Fun is getting giddily excited over my newest striped apparel purchase. Fun is losing myself in the pages of a book. Fun is browsing through books at Barnes & Noble with a pumpkin spice latte in hand. Fun is engaging in conversations with family members over memories of the past. Fun is playing countless games of Go Fish with my nephews (and suspiciously never winning). Fun is planning trips to see other bloggers, both near and far.
I will say, it took me the entire decade of my 20s to get to this place I am today - a place where I can embrace my passions and share them - be it a passion for numbers and bonds, or France, or the season of Advent, or macaroons, or white wine. But I am done saying I'm sorry or wishing I was different than I am. And yes, I still encounter situations or events that make me insecure about the fact that I am not 'the life of the party,' but for the most, I've learned to embrace that I am who I am.
So no, I am not living the stereotypical 30-something single life, but I think the life I am living is the right one for me. And better yet - I think it's fabulous.
I thought I would close with a short poem by one of my favorite authors, Mary Anne Radmacher, which sums up how I feel just perfectly:
I am going off on a bit of a tangent here, but after reading that post, I reflected back on conversations I've had with a couple of different people from different corners of my life. And the topic of those conversations has been that I feel like I no longer fall under the conventional definition of "fun."
What do I mean by this? Well, while I am certainly as single as they come, I am not living the stereotypical life of a "fabulous 30-something." I'm not closing down the bar. I don't go to dance clubs. I don't meet up with friends for cosmopolitans on a Tuesday night. Let's face it - most nights I am in bed by 9:30 and that includes Friday nights as I have to get a good night of sleep before my long runs on Saturdays.
The truth of the matter is -- I never have enjoyed going to bars, not even in college. I've never been good at staying up until last call. I mean, truth be told, I have actually been known to fall asleep at the bar on occasion (yes, seriously, there are photos to prove this)! I have never been, nor will ever be, the life of the party.
But I spent so much of my 20s apologizing for or being embarrassed or insecure about the fact that I wasn't good at staying out late or drinking more than 1-2 drinks in the span of an evening, and I let myself believe the lie I had been telling myself - and that lie was that I wasn't a fun person. Now that I am 31 and have a better sense of self and my priorities/interests, I've gotten to a point where, well, I'm not sorry that I don't enjoy those types of activities. Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy getting together with friends for cocktails and conversations, I would just prefer to be out between the hours of, say, 7-10, instead of 9-12.
I've redefined my definition of fun. Fun to me means getting together with girlfriends for wine at one of their houses, which might mean taking part in the bedtime rituals of their little ones (which are moments that I relish, as I know they are fleeting). Fun is getting together at 7 am on a Saturday morning for a double-digit long run around the lakes and rivers of Minneapolis in the company of my fellow run club members. Fun is a night in that includes a home-cooked dinner and tackling my next knitting project. Fun is sharing my passion for all things French by planning an over-the-top delicious menu for our next Julia Child night. Fun is getting giddily excited over my newest striped apparel purchase. Fun is losing myself in the pages of a book. Fun is browsing through books at Barnes & Noble with a pumpkin spice latte in hand. Fun is engaging in conversations with family members over memories of the past. Fun is playing countless games of Go Fish with my nephews (and suspiciously never winning). Fun is planning trips to see other bloggers, both near and far.
I will say, it took me the entire decade of my 20s to get to this place I am today - a place where I can embrace my passions and share them - be it a passion for numbers and bonds, or France, or the season of Advent, or macaroons, or white wine. But I am done saying I'm sorry or wishing I was different than I am. And yes, I still encounter situations or events that make me insecure about the fact that I am not 'the life of the party,' but for the most, I've learned to embrace that I am who I am.
So no, I am not living the stereotypical 30-something single life, but I think the life I am living is the right one for me. And better yet - I think it's fabulous.
I thought I would close with a short poem by one of my favorite authors, Mary Anne Radmacher, which sums up how I feel just perfectly:
with passion live
with attentiveness love
with courage imagine
with integrity communicate
with perspective play
in all things and in all your ways
build your legacy with joy.
Friday, August 10, 2012
A Great Perhaps
Last weekend, I read the August blogger book club book - Looking for Alaska by John Green (which was a wonderful book, btw). Early in the book the main character, Miles, is asked by his parents why he wants to go to boarding school. He quotes the last words of Monsieur Rabelais, a famous Frenchman:
"I go to seek a Great Perhaps."
I think I stumbled upon that quote at the perfect time as that quote could also sum up my approach to dating these days. During the months of December - early June, I really did not have the time or energy to date. Some have argued this point with me and said that if the right person came along, I could make it happen. But I know that this is not the case. Between my lack of free time and the stress level in my life, it would be next to impossible to foster a new, budding relationship.
But now the CFA exam is behind me and I have 5 months of freedom until the next round of studying begins. For a long time, I've held the belief that I should be able to meet a guy naturally and organically by living my life and doing the things I enjoy.
But the fact of the matter is that it's not working. I haven't been on a date since October and with the exception of a few potential set-ups by friends, I have no potentials in sight. So after much thought and some prodding by some close friends, I decided that maybe it is time for me to be a bit more purposeful about meeting someone.
So my first step was to try speed dating last Friday night. I like this approach to meeting someone better than online dating because it gives you the ability to immediately assess whether you are a) interested in the person and b) attracted to them - which in my opinion are not things you can determine by looking through profiles or emailing back and forth with someone you meet online.
There was a pretty small turnout (4 guys), but I am glad I did it. You got 7 minutes with each person, which was(more than) enough time for me to determine if I'd like to see the guy again. And randomly enough, there was actually a guy from Paris there! Ooh la la! But the company that hosted it (Date and Dash) totally sucks. I matched with the Parisian but had to email the host to ask for my matches - otherwise they wanted me to pay an extra $10 to find out automatically (on top of the $35 event fee) and then the email of the Parisian was wrong... so yah. Kind of a fail, but I am still glad I tried it!
Because of the low attendance, I don't know that I will do another speed dating event - especially after my poor experience with this company. But it was a good experience for me and got me back into the swing of making date-type conversations. Despite my reservations about online dating, I am also considering doing a short, 3-month subscription to a site, possibly eHarmony.
And so I go to seek a great perhaps. Perhaps something will come of it. Perhaps nothing will. The good thing is that regardless of whether I meet someone between now and December, I am very happy with my life and do not feel as though anything is truly "missing." I guess that you could say that meeting someone would just be the cherry on top of the ice cream sundae that already has all of my favorite toppings.
If you are married, how did you meet your spouse? If you are single, would you ever try speed dating?
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Hitting the Wall
As I mentioned in my post on Monday, I have been in quite the funk lately. I don't think that will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me well. Between recovering from my surgery, managing the stress of potential (but yet to be announced) changes at work, and most of all, studying for the CFA, it's been a tough couple of months for me.
There is this concept of "hitting a wall" when you run a marathon - it usually happens around mile 20. The physiological explanation is that your body runs out of glycogen and has to burn fat (which is an extremely inefficient source of energy) to keep you going. Your legs feel heavy and you just kind of want the race to be over. But most runners don't quit. They power through because, dangit, you've ran 20 miles. You can do 6.2.
The last month, I have hit a metaphorical wall when it comes to studying. I am exhausted. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and after June 2nd, I'll get my free time back, but right now I am worn out and stressed out.
But this is where past marathon training experiences come into play and help give me perspective. I think back on the two marathons I've ran and remember times when I felt defeated. Beat up. Tired. But I pushed through those walls I hit in the past, just as I am pushing through the wall I have hit lately.
This is not intended to be a "woe is me, I want your sympathy" post. I know I signed up for this - no one forced me to pursue the CFA designation. This is me saying - it is really freaking hard, and I am really tired. And I have a short fuse. And I hate it when people ask what is new because the only response I can come up with is whatever section of the CFA books I am tackling that week. And gah - I don't really like the person I am most days because I am so moody and over-sensitive and prone to tears.
But this too shall pass. I know this. This funk I am in is situational and temporary. And it's already starting to get a little better, thanks to the nice weather we've had lately. I know that the clouds will part on June 2nd and I'll fall back in love with my life in Minneapolis, just like I did last year. In the mean time, I'm trying to stay focused and positive.
There is this concept of "hitting a wall" when you run a marathon - it usually happens around mile 20. The physiological explanation is that your body runs out of glycogen and has to burn fat (which is an extremely inefficient source of energy) to keep you going. Your legs feel heavy and you just kind of want the race to be over. But most runners don't quit. They power through because, dangit, you've ran 20 miles. You can do 6.2.
The last month, I have hit a metaphorical wall when it comes to studying. I am exhausted. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and after June 2nd, I'll get my free time back, but right now I am worn out and stressed out.
But this is where past marathon training experiences come into play and help give me perspective. I think back on the two marathons I've ran and remember times when I felt defeated. Beat up. Tired. But I pushed through those walls I hit in the past, just as I am pushing through the wall I have hit lately.
This is not intended to be a "woe is me, I want your sympathy" post. I know I signed up for this - no one forced me to pursue the CFA designation. This is me saying - it is really freaking hard, and I am really tired. And I have a short fuse. And I hate it when people ask what is new because the only response I can come up with is whatever section of the CFA books I am tackling that week. And gah - I don't really like the person I am most days because I am so moody and over-sensitive and prone to tears.
But this too shall pass. I know this. This funk I am in is situational and temporary. And it's already starting to get a little better, thanks to the nice weather we've had lately. I know that the clouds will part on June 2nd and I'll fall back in love with my life in Minneapolis, just like I did last year. In the mean time, I'm trying to stay focused and positive.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Things You Didn't Know About Me...
Happy Friday! This week has been better than expected. It started off wonderfully by finding out that my dad is cancer free! Getting that news really put life in perspective for me - my dad's health trumps all other concerns. I am still waiting for the reorg changes to be announced at work, but I know no matter what happens, I'll figure it out.
San did this post earlier this week. It was fun to read and I learned a lot about her, so I am borrowing it from her!
I am very disciplined.
I think I am a logical person.
I know I am far from perfect.
I have a wonderful family and group of friends that bring meaning to my life.
I wish I was not so hard on myself.
I hate feeling like I will be late for something.
I miss family/friends that live far away.
I fear that I will never get married.
I hear the sound of my furnace.
I smell the french cade & lavender candle on my coffee table.
I crave pickles.
I search for ways to be better at my job.
I wonder if I will run a 4:10 marathon this fall.
I regret buying my condo.
I love reading.
I ache for Paris.
I am not a patient person.
I believe in God.
I dance at wedding dances.
I sing along with music in my head on runs.
I cry very easily.
I fight for what I believe in.
I win banagram games most of the time (unless I play my uncle Paul. He always wins)
I lose most cribbage games that I play against my dad.
I never leave the house without making my bed.
I always remember that I am blessed to have healthy nieces/nephews.
I confuse the words "lend" and "borrow."
I listen actively.
I can usually be found studying at my dining room table most evenings.
I am scared of snakes, spiders, and other creepy crawly thinigs.
I need order in my life.
I am happy about the progress I am making on my CFA studying.
I imagine a life where I am a CFA charterholder and can be done with tests for good.
Using some of these prompts, what are some things I don't know about you?
San did this post earlier this week. It was fun to read and I learned a lot about her, so I am borrowing it from her!
I am very disciplined.
I think I am a logical person.
I know I am far from perfect.
I have a wonderful family and group of friends that bring meaning to my life.
I wish I was not so hard on myself.
I hate feeling like I will be late for something.
I miss family/friends that live far away.
I fear that I will never get married.
I hear the sound of my furnace.
I smell the french cade & lavender candle on my coffee table.
I crave pickles.
I search for ways to be better at my job.
I wonder if I will run a 4:10 marathon this fall.
I regret buying my condo.
I love reading.
I ache for Paris.
I am not a patient person.
I believe in God.
I dance at wedding dances.
I sing along with music in my head on runs.
I cry very easily.
I fight for what I believe in.
I win banagram games most of the time (unless I play my uncle Paul. He always wins)
I lose most cribbage games that I play against my dad.
I never leave the house without making my bed.
I always remember that I am blessed to have healthy nieces/nephews.
I confuse the words "lend" and "borrow."
I listen actively.
I can usually be found studying at my dining room table most evenings.
I am scared of snakes, spiders, and other creepy crawly thinigs.
I need order in my life.
I am happy about the progress I am making on my CFA studying.
I imagine a life where I am a CFA charterholder and can be done with tests for good.
Using some of these prompts, what are some things I don't know about you?
Monday, February 13, 2012
My Focus for the Week...
Greetings and happy Monday. I hope you all had a great weekend. I spent the majority of my waking hours studying. And then I spent a good chunk of unaccounted time worrying. I am a worrier, it's in my nature - always has been from when I was a very young child.
This week, to keep my worrying at bay, I am focusing on this graphic. I actually printed it out to hang at my desk as a visual reminder...
At the end of the day, there is only so much that I have control over - and that is what I should be focusing on.
I can worry about how decisions made at work will impact my job - but it makes more sense to focus on doing the best job I can so that I am respected and viewed as a valuable team member.
I can worry about medical bills that keep rolling in and how this will impact my financial goals for the year - or I can pay them and accept that my sinus surgery was an investment in my health.
I can worry about my dad's health prognosis and whether they truly got all of the cancer or I can accept the fact that he's in the hands of competent medical professionals who know what they are doing.
I can worry about not passing the CFA or I can work as hard as I can to make sure I am able to pass.
Just as happiness is a choice, so is the decision to not worry. Of course, anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't have this all figured out. However, I think maybe by writing this out, I will internalize some of this and worry less as a result. Worrying certainly does not have a positive impact on my mood/level of happiness, nor is it a productive use of time, so here's hoping that by focusing on that visual, and thinking about what matters and is in my control, I can worry a little less.
Would you consider yourself a worrier?
This week, to keep my worrying at bay, I am focusing on this graphic. I actually printed it out to hang at my desk as a visual reminder...
At the end of the day, there is only so much that I have control over - and that is what I should be focusing on.
I can worry about how decisions made at work will impact my job - but it makes more sense to focus on doing the best job I can so that I am respected and viewed as a valuable team member.
I can worry about medical bills that keep rolling in and how this will impact my financial goals for the year - or I can pay them and accept that my sinus surgery was an investment in my health.
I can worry about my dad's health prognosis and whether they truly got all of the cancer or I can accept the fact that he's in the hands of competent medical professionals who know what they are doing.
I can worry about not passing the CFA or I can work as hard as I can to make sure I am able to pass.
Just as happiness is a choice, so is the decision to not worry. Of course, anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't have this all figured out. However, I think maybe by writing this out, I will internalize some of this and worry less as a result. Worrying certainly does not have a positive impact on my mood/level of happiness, nor is it a productive use of time, so here's hoping that by focusing on that visual, and thinking about what matters and is in my control, I can worry a little less.
Would you consider yourself a worrier?
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
40 percent
40 percent is a number that came up twice in the year 2011. It's funny how the context of a number can change your perception of it. 40 percent came up for the first time when I was studying for level I of the CFA exam. 40% of those who take the test pass. My initial thought was - yikes, that is low. I mean, 40 percent is a small number! Cue panic. Cue intense, rigorous study schedule. That statistic scared me into studying my butt off. And I passed.
Fast forward to December 2011. 40 percent comes up again. This time, it's in a text message from my mom. My dad had some routine blood work done as part of a physical, and something came back indicating that he may have prostate cancer - a 40 percent chance according to the doctor.
In the span of 6 months, 40 percent went from sounding minuscule to sounding huge. Granted, any number attached to your dad's chances of having cancer is too big. I'd like that chance to be below 1 percent, but that is not how life works.
Weeks later, we got the results of my dad's biopsy and found out that he did, in fact, have prostate cancer. I have kept quiet about this as I didn't want to be a Chicken Little, and sometimes writing about it makes you fixate on it, so I just told my closest friends and have tried to put it out of my mind.
The fact of the matter is that the sky is not falling. Luckily, they caught it very early, so my dad will just need surgery and he should be able to put this firmly in his past. His surgery is today and I know my whole family is looking forward to having this behind us - especially my dad.
If anything, this whole experience has been a wake up call. It's a reminder that parents and other loved ones are not immortal, so I better enjoy every moment I have with them and make sure they know how much I love and appreciate them. And it's a reminder to take care of your health. Luckily, both my parents are diligent about getting their annual physicals and procedures like colonoscopies. Health insurance covers this sort of preventative care/screening, so it's foolish (IMO) to not take advantage of your access to preventative care.
I am traveling for work, so won't be home for the surgery, but my thoughts and prayers are most definitely with my dad and mom today. Luckily, my dad has the best nurse a guy could ask for (my mom) to take care of him as he recovers!
Fast forward to December 2011. 40 percent comes up again. This time, it's in a text message from my mom. My dad had some routine blood work done as part of a physical, and something came back indicating that he may have prostate cancer - a 40 percent chance according to the doctor.
In the span of 6 months, 40 percent went from sounding minuscule to sounding huge. Granted, any number attached to your dad's chances of having cancer is too big. I'd like that chance to be below 1 percent, but that is not how life works.
Weeks later, we got the results of my dad's biopsy and found out that he did, in fact, have prostate cancer. I have kept quiet about this as I didn't want to be a Chicken Little, and sometimes writing about it makes you fixate on it, so I just told my closest friends and have tried to put it out of my mind.
The fact of the matter is that the sky is not falling. Luckily, they caught it very early, so my dad will just need surgery and he should be able to put this firmly in his past. His surgery is today and I know my whole family is looking forward to having this behind us - especially my dad.
If anything, this whole experience has been a wake up call. It's a reminder that parents and other loved ones are not immortal, so I better enjoy every moment I have with them and make sure they know how much I love and appreciate them. And it's a reminder to take care of your health. Luckily, both my parents are diligent about getting their annual physicals and procedures like colonoscopies. Health insurance covers this sort of preventative care/screening, so it's foolish (IMO) to not take advantage of your access to preventative care.
I am traveling for work, so won't be home for the surgery, but my thoughts and prayers are most definitely with my dad and mom today. Luckily, my dad has the best nurse a guy could ask for (my mom) to take care of him as he recovers!
Monday, February 6, 2012
31
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It turns out turning 30 wasn't scary at all - it was actually quite fabulous! The past year will go down as one of the best years of my life. The fact that I can say that is not on account of chance or luck. I made this past year the best year of my life. The year included many great things, such as a trip to Paris, moving into a downtown condo I love, hosting friends/family in my condo, passing the CFA, PR'ing at the Victoria half marathon, and lots of trips with/to visit other bloggers!
I learned a lot of things over the course of the past year, but the biggest lesson that stands out in my mind is that happiness is a choice. I spent much of my 20s almost feeling like I was a victim of my circumstances. But this past year, I realized that if I didn't like my circumstances, I either need to do something about it, change my perspective, or focus on the other wonderful things in my life.
I'll close with the chorus from "Do It Now," a song on Ingrid Michaelson's new album. It really sums up how I approached my 31st year.
so do it now
do it right now
don't waste a minute on the darkness and the pity sitting in your mind and
do it right now
do it right now
do it right now
don't waste a minute on the darkness and the pity sitting in your mind and
do it right now
do it right now
31 held so many wonderful things; I can't wait to see what 32 will bring!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Top 10 of 2011
'Tis the season to reflect on all of the things that happened in 2011. Wow, it was a full year for me. It will quite possibly go down as one of the best years of my life, and I feel extremely fortunate to be able to say that!
In true David Letterman style, here is my top 10 moments/events/experiences of 2011, in no particular order, with some pictures as illustrations!
1. Getting my job offer in January I whole-heartedly love my job. It's challenging and rewarding and a great fit. I also love my boss. This week he used some of his frequent flier miles to upgrade me to first class on our trip to Charlotte next week. This is just one example of the kind/thoughtful things my boss does for me.
2. My Paris trip. It was truly the perfect way to celebrate my 30th birthday. It was an amazing trip, and I will treasure that solo trip to Paris, and the memories I made during that trip, for the rest of my life. And luckily, most of those memories are well-documented on my France blog.
3. The Paris-themed birthday party that my dear friends Brooke & Amanda threw for me. Celebrating my 30th surrounded by family, friends, and delicious French-inspired food was the perfect way to celebrate entering a new decade!
4. Passing the Series 7 & 63 exam. I needed to pass these exams for work so was relieved when I passed both on my first attempt. Phew!
5. Meeting my nephew Charlie & niece Anna for the first time. I'm sure a proud aunt and was so excited to gain a niece and nephew this year - both of which are healthy and beautiful!
6. Passing the Level I CFA exam. I have never worked so hard for something and been so uncertain I would succeed, so I cannot really explain the joy and satisfaction of finding out I was one of the 39% who passed the level I CFA. I cried tears of joy and have probably never felt so proud of myself. But I definitely earned that pass as I was studied by butt off.
7. Being asked to be a bridesmaid by both Amber and Nora. I think the fact that I was asked to be in the weddings of two girls I met through blogging is a testament to the authenticity of relationships that can be formed through blogging. I was honored and touched to be asked to be part of their special day and am so excited to stand up there next to both of them!
8. Moving into my downtown condo. This was probably the boldest decision I made in 2011, but is the decision that has had the biggest impact in my life. This decision has made a HUGE improvement in my quality of life. I couldn't be happier and have no desire to ever leave this condo - although I don't own it, so eventually I will have to buy it or move out... but that is a decision for another time down the road.
9. Julia Child Night. The 3rd Annual Julia Child Night was simply amazing. I absolutely love planning this event with my aunt and look forward to our 4th annual Julia Child night next fall!! We have already discussed menu ideas! :)
10. PR'ing my Victoria half and meeting my sub-2 hour goal. I really did not think I would accomplish this goal. I have my coaches to thank for this, they totally changed my approach to training and it made a world of difference! In addition to PR'ing, this weekend was wonderful as I got to spend time with Amber, Lauren, and Leigh. We had so much fun exploring Victoria together. I would definitely do another trip with these girls in a heart beat!!
So there you have it - 2011 summed up in a selection of wonderful moments. It feels a bit braggy to list them out like this, but dang it, 2010 was EPICALLY HORRIBLE. Those closest to me know how hard that year was, so I think I earned a year full of wonderful accomplishments and memories.
What were your best moments of 2011?
In true David Letterman style, here is my top 10 moments/events/experiences of 2011, in no particular order, with some pictures as illustrations!
1. Getting my job offer in January I whole-heartedly love my job. It's challenging and rewarding and a great fit. I also love my boss. This week he used some of his frequent flier miles to upgrade me to first class on our trip to Charlotte next week. This is just one example of the kind/thoughtful things my boss does for me.
2. My Paris trip. It was truly the perfect way to celebrate my 30th birthday. It was an amazing trip, and I will treasure that solo trip to Paris, and the memories I made during that trip, for the rest of my life. And luckily, most of those memories are well-documented on my France blog.
3. The Paris-themed birthday party that my dear friends Brooke & Amanda threw for me. Celebrating my 30th surrounded by family, friends, and delicious French-inspired food was the perfect way to celebrate entering a new decade!
4. Passing the Series 7 & 63 exam. I needed to pass these exams for work so was relieved when I passed both on my first attempt. Phew!
5. Meeting my nephew Charlie & niece Anna for the first time. I'm sure a proud aunt and was so excited to gain a niece and nephew this year - both of which are healthy and beautiful!
6. Passing the Level I CFA exam. I have never worked so hard for something and been so uncertain I would succeed, so I cannot really explain the joy and satisfaction of finding out I was one of the 39% who passed the level I CFA. I cried tears of joy and have probably never felt so proud of myself. But I definitely earned that pass as I was studied by butt off.
7. Being asked to be a bridesmaid by both Amber and Nora. I think the fact that I was asked to be in the weddings of two girls I met through blogging is a testament to the authenticity of relationships that can be formed through blogging. I was honored and touched to be asked to be part of their special day and am so excited to stand up there next to both of them!
8. Moving into my downtown condo. This was probably the boldest decision I made in 2011, but is the decision that has had the biggest impact in my life. This decision has made a HUGE improvement in my quality of life. I couldn't be happier and have no desire to ever leave this condo - although I don't own it, so eventually I will have to buy it or move out... but that is a decision for another time down the road.
9. Julia Child Night. The 3rd Annual Julia Child Night was simply amazing. I absolutely love planning this event with my aunt and look forward to our 4th annual Julia Child night next fall!! We have already discussed menu ideas! :)
10. PR'ing my Victoria half and meeting my sub-2 hour goal. I really did not think I would accomplish this goal. I have my coaches to thank for this, they totally changed my approach to training and it made a world of difference! In addition to PR'ing, this weekend was wonderful as I got to spend time with Amber, Lauren, and Leigh. We had so much fun exploring Victoria together. I would definitely do another trip with these girls in a heart beat!!
So there you have it - 2011 summed up in a selection of wonderful moments. It feels a bit braggy to list them out like this, but dang it, 2010 was EPICALLY HORRIBLE. Those closest to me know how hard that year was, so I think I earned a year full of wonderful accomplishments and memories.
What were your best moments of 2011?
Monday, December 19, 2011
Advent Week 4: Peace
And just like that, it's the last week of Advent! The theme of the final week of advent is peace. I think peace is something that we all strive for. We want to live in a peaceful world, we seek peace in our relationships, and we want to be at peace with the decision we make in life.
I think about this week in comparison to last year, and am sort of blown away by how much more peaceful my life is. A year ago today, I ended my relationship with the Barrister (my nickname for my last boyfriend for those of you who weren't reading along last year). There is no great time to end a relationship, but the week of Christmas is especially bad. Presents for him and his family were under my tree. I had made plans to join his family on Christmas Day. But there was such a lack of peace in that relationship, I could not stay in the relationship just because it was Christmas week. Instead of peace, there was a horrible feeling of panic and anxiety when I thought about our future together as we had some major differences that I knew we'd never work through, regardless of how much we tried to talk through those differences. It was difficult to end the relationship as I did really care for him, but I felt at peace with my decision.
Flash forward a year, and there is much more of a sense of peace. This year, though, I have figured out that peace is a choice. If something is coming between you and a sense of peace, then you make changes - whether it's ending a relationship, changing professions, or whatever other change is necessary to feel at peace with your life.
In closing, I'd like to thank you all for all the thought, interesting comments you've left on my advent series posts. I have enjoyed reflecting on the season and advent and appreciate all the positive feedback I've received!
I'll close with my favorite scripture passage about peace:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7)
I think about this week in comparison to last year, and am sort of blown away by how much more peaceful my life is. A year ago today, I ended my relationship with the Barrister (my nickname for my last boyfriend for those of you who weren't reading along last year). There is no great time to end a relationship, but the week of Christmas is especially bad. Presents for him and his family were under my tree. I had made plans to join his family on Christmas Day. But there was such a lack of peace in that relationship, I could not stay in the relationship just because it was Christmas week. Instead of peace, there was a horrible feeling of panic and anxiety when I thought about our future together as we had some major differences that I knew we'd never work through, regardless of how much we tried to talk through those differences. It was difficult to end the relationship as I did really care for him, but I felt at peace with my decision.
Flash forward a year, and there is much more of a sense of peace. This year, though, I have figured out that peace is a choice. If something is coming between you and a sense of peace, then you make changes - whether it's ending a relationship, changing professions, or whatever other change is necessary to feel at peace with your life.
"Peace is not something you wish for; It's something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away." ~ Robert Fulghum
In closing, I'd like to thank you all for all the thought, interesting comments you've left on my advent series posts. I have enjoyed reflecting on the season and advent and appreciate all the positive feedback I've received!
I'll close with my favorite scripture passage about peace:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:6-7)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Making Adjustments
Happy Wednesday! Today is more of a "Thursday" for me because tomorrow is my "Friday" since I have Friday off in recognition of Veteran's Day. This week is a-flying by.
I had an appointment with an ENT (Ear Nose & Throat doctor) on Monday. That pesky sinus infection just refuses to go away. I have been sick, off and on, since the last week of September. This time I am going on a significantly stronger antibiotic for 2 weeks, and the doctor is confident it will do the trick - and I am, too.
As I said in a previous post, I think part of the reason I keep getting sick is because I am just plain worn down. My life has been very full lately - and I am not complaining. I feel lucky to have been able to do and see as much as I have done and seen in the last 3-4 months.
But I need to start listening to my body. And that meant making some adjustments. One is a situational adjustment and I don't know that the others will be permanent, but for now, they are changes I need to make so I can get back to full health!!
***
That said, I am excited to announce that tomorrow I kick off my Ten Days of Thanksgiving post series! It's hard to believe it's already that time of year! I am excited to spend 10 days focusing on the things in my life that I am thankful for!
I had an appointment with an ENT (Ear Nose & Throat doctor) on Monday. That pesky sinus infection just refuses to go away. I have been sick, off and on, since the last week of September. This time I am going on a significantly stronger antibiotic for 2 weeks, and the doctor is confident it will do the trick - and I am, too.
As I said in a previous post, I think part of the reason I keep getting sick is because I am just plain worn down. My life has been very full lately - and I am not complaining. I feel lucky to have been able to do and see as much as I have done and seen in the last 3-4 months.
But I need to start listening to my body. And that meant making some adjustments. One is a situational adjustment and I don't know that the others will be permanent, but for now, they are changes I need to make so I can get back to full health!!
- Cancelling a trip. It pained me to do this, but I ended up cancelling my trip to Des Moines to see Amber. We had plans to see Wicked and I had already bought my ticket to the show... But I looked at my calendar and knew that yet another out-of-town trip was probably not the best thing for me right now. I felt horrible backing out of this as I was so excited to see Amber, take in a musical, and check out more of Des Moines.
- New bed time. For months, I had been going to bed at 10-10:30 and getting up at 5:15-5:30. Which meant I was getting 7-7.5 hours of sleep a night. I know that is enough for some people, but it is not enough for me. Now I force myself to shut the lights off at 9 pm each nights so that I can get at least 8 hours of sleep. It has really helped!
- Social Butterfly Sabbatical. After having only 2-3 free nights in the months of August, September, and October, I decided to cut way back on the planning for awhile and to leave some week nights free. I have taken it to the extreme right now and rarely have social plans on week nights - I expect that to change in December, but right now, it is working really well for me. I really enjoy having most week nights to myself. I've been running, catching up on some knitting projects, and playing piano.
***
That said, I am excited to announce that tomorrow I kick off my Ten Days of Thanksgiving post series! It's hard to believe it's already that time of year! I am excited to spend 10 days focusing on the things in my life that I am thankful for!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Where I've been...
Happy Wednesday - wait, it's Wednesday today? Seriously? I can not keep track of the days of the week.
So the lights have been out on this space for over a week! That's the longest break I have taken in a long time. I wish I could say I am coming back rested and refreshed, but that is really not the case. I caught yet another bug last week which turned into a sinus infection + nasty cough. It's super fun to fly when you are sneezing and coughing, let me tell you. But the show had to go on as I had a baptism and a work trip planned.
Unfortunately, I did not take many pictures this weekend. I have lost my photo-taking mojo. Big time. Maybe getting a new camera will help, but that won't be happening until Christmas at the earliest (I will probably ask for a new point & shoot camera from Santa, aka my parents). I do have a couple of photos to share, though, courtesy of my iPhone -both of which were taken in the kiddos car seats!
I had a wonderful weekend. It was great to see family and watch my nephews interact with each other. I got lots of quality time with my parents as I shared a hotel room with them. The baptism was great - Anna did not even cry (Charlie SCREAMED through his, so it was like a night and day difference).
On Sunday, I took a train into the city, settled into my hotel, and then met a friend for coffee. That evening, Nilsa was kind enough to invite me to her home. It was great to see another area of Chicago and I enjoyed a delicious home cooked meal and had a great time hanging out with Nilsa, her husband, and her son!! I just really, really click with Nilsa, so it was great to spend time with her in their home.
On Monday, I worked from the Chicago office, and then took a 6 pm flight home.
So yet another whirlwind weekend. This has become the trend in my life lately, and I have finally started to realize that I need to slow down. This is hard for me as I do really love my 'go go go' lifestyle, but given the fact that I have been sick quite a bit over the last 6 weeks, I think it's time for me to listen to my body and ease up.
That means saying no to things I have previously said yes to. It means learning how to say no to things without feeling guilty (still trying to figure this one out) It means letting myself sleep in on a Saturday instead of getting up at 5:45 to run. It means setting aside time on weekends for relaxing, reading, and restoring my battery.
I kind of feel like a broken record. I keep saying I have to slow down, but I have yet to actually incorporate changes into my life. It's time to start making those changes! Before we know it, the holidays will be upon us, bringing a flurry of activities with them, and then CFA studying resumes on January 1st.
So now is the time for me to take a deep breath and slow the heck down...
How have you been lately? Do you tend to over-schedule yourself or are you good about finding a balance?
So the lights have been out on this space for over a week! That's the longest break I have taken in a long time. I wish I could say I am coming back rested and refreshed, but that is really not the case. I caught yet another bug last week which turned into a sinus infection + nasty cough. It's super fun to fly when you are sneezing and coughing, let me tell you. But the show had to go on as I had a baptism and a work trip planned.
Unfortunately, I did not take many pictures this weekend. I have lost my photo-taking mojo. Big time. Maybe getting a new camera will help, but that won't be happening until Christmas at the earliest (I will probably ask for a new point & shoot camera from Santa, aka my parents). I do have a couple of photos to share, though, courtesy of my iPhone -both of which were taken in the kiddos car seats!
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| Anna all snuggled up in her baptismal gown, sleeping away! |
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| Charlie had gotten SO BIG since I last saw him. He's full of smiles and loves to babble and coo. |
I had a wonderful weekend. It was great to see family and watch my nephews interact with each other. I got lots of quality time with my parents as I shared a hotel room with them. The baptism was great - Anna did not even cry (Charlie SCREAMED through his, so it was like a night and day difference).
On Sunday, I took a train into the city, settled into my hotel, and then met a friend for coffee. That evening, Nilsa was kind enough to invite me to her home. It was great to see another area of Chicago and I enjoyed a delicious home cooked meal and had a great time hanging out with Nilsa, her husband, and her son!! I just really, really click with Nilsa, so it was great to spend time with her in their home.
On Monday, I worked from the Chicago office, and then took a 6 pm flight home.
So yet another whirlwind weekend. This has become the trend in my life lately, and I have finally started to realize that I need to slow down. This is hard for me as I do really love my 'go go go' lifestyle, but given the fact that I have been sick quite a bit over the last 6 weeks, I think it's time for me to listen to my body and ease up.
That means saying no to things I have previously said yes to. It means learning how to say no to things without feeling guilty (still trying to figure this one out) It means letting myself sleep in on a Saturday instead of getting up at 5:45 to run. It means setting aside time on weekends for relaxing, reading, and restoring my battery.
I kind of feel like a broken record. I keep saying I have to slow down, but I have yet to actually incorporate changes into my life. It's time to start making those changes! Before we know it, the holidays will be upon us, bringing a flurry of activities with them, and then CFA studying resumes on January 1st.
So now is the time for me to take a deep breath and slow the heck down...
How have you been lately? Do you tend to over-schedule yourself or are you good about finding a balance?
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
On Being Flighty
Trivia time. Do you recognize this character?
That, my friends, is Forgetful Jones. Bonus points to those of you who recognized him - clearly you were paying attention during your Sesame Street days!
I have been channeling Forgetful Jones lately. I mentioned my forgetfulness in my recap of Kyria's visit, but it's been a pervasive theme of September. How so? Read on.
Are you a flighty/forgetful person?
That, my friends, is Forgetful Jones. Bonus points to those of you who recognized him - clearly you were paying attention during your Sesame Street days!
I have been channeling Forgetful Jones lately. I mentioned my forgetfulness in my recap of Kyria's visit, but it's been a pervasive theme of September. How so? Read on.
- On my way back from Charlotte, I forgot my credit card in an airport restaurant. I realized this when I got back to Minneapolis that evening. Luckily I had only used it once that day so it was easy to figure out where I left it. I had to cancel it and re-order it, which was painless, but still annoying.
- Last week I was in Austin for work and when I got to the airport to fly to Dallas, I realized I had forgotten my runnig shoes in the room! I called and luckily they said they would ship them to me. I was so so so annoyed at myself, but luckily I had an extra pair since I had bought a pair when I forgot my shoes when I went to the cabin one weekend this summer (are you noticing a theme here?).
- I got back from my business trip and started to unpack and realized that my iPod was not in my suitcase. Turns out I left that in the room in Austin, too. Sheesh. What is my deal. I was in a rush that am as we left for the airport at 6:30 (for a 7:15 flight - by the way - so I was in hyper nervous mode as I am not a 'let's get to the airport at the last minute' type but when I travel with a rep, I do not make the decision on when we depart for the airport, etc). I called the 4 Seasons and they had noticed my iPod when they shipped my shoes, so luckily they also shipped my iPod to me. Phew, what a relief!
- On Saturday morning I went to run club and forgot my garmin. Not the end of the world as I wasn't planning on doing any pick ups since I have been so sick this week, but it was just the last straw in a string of forgetfulness.
Are you a flighty/forgetful person?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Alone v. Lonely
The week before I moved, I had an unbooked evening and was in dire need of a break from packing so I decided to take in a movie. I had asked a couple of girlfriends if they were available - they weren't, but I decided to go anyways!
I saw the movie, "Midnight in Paris". I really, really liked it. It's a Woody Allen film so it is a bit quirky but I definitely enjoyed it. When the opening scene came on the screen, without thinking, my hand went to my heart and I audibly gasped! Seeing the sights of Paris made me grin ear-to-ear! They showed so many places that I walked by or visited. I felt like an insider when I recognized the interior of a museum they visited (l'Orangerie) as well as various street corners and cafes. It definitely made my heart ache a bit for Paris, but I know I will be back there again!
I really enjoy going to movies by myself. Sure, it's nice to have company so you could discuss the movie afterwards. But seeing a movie alone doesn't take away from the experience. I've had conversations with other people about seeing movies alone and I am always surprised when people tell me that they wouldn't go to a movie alone.
I guess at this point of my life, there aren't many things I wouldn't do alone. I mean, I went to Paris by myself so clearly, I am really comfortable being alone. The way I see it, if I wait until I have someone to go to a movie with or go to Paris with, I could be waiting forever. I'd rather do these things alone than not at all!
It's interesting because it seems like some people confuse being alone with being lonely. I won't say that I am never lonely - I was extremely lonely this spring as I spent hour upon hour at my dining room table, studying away. But in general, I really don't feel lonely and I am proud of the fact that I will pretty much do anything by myself, whether it's going to a movie, eating dinner, or traveling to another country.
How do you feel about being alone? Are you comfortable going to movies, dining, or traveling alone? I think that as we age, we become more comfortable with being alone - at least that has been my experience.
I saw the movie, "Midnight in Paris". I really, really liked it. It's a Woody Allen film so it is a bit quirky but I definitely enjoyed it. When the opening scene came on the screen, without thinking, my hand went to my heart and I audibly gasped! Seeing the sights of Paris made me grin ear-to-ear! They showed so many places that I walked by or visited. I felt like an insider when I recognized the interior of a museum they visited (l'Orangerie) as well as various street corners and cafes. It definitely made my heart ache a bit for Paris, but I know I will be back there again!
I really enjoy going to movies by myself. Sure, it's nice to have company so you could discuss the movie afterwards. But seeing a movie alone doesn't take away from the experience. I've had conversations with other people about seeing movies alone and I am always surprised when people tell me that they wouldn't go to a movie alone.
I guess at this point of my life, there aren't many things I wouldn't do alone. I mean, I went to Paris by myself so clearly, I am really comfortable being alone. The way I see it, if I wait until I have someone to go to a movie with or go to Paris with, I could be waiting forever. I'd rather do these things alone than not at all!
It's interesting because it seems like some people confuse being alone with being lonely. I won't say that I am never lonely - I was extremely lonely this spring as I spent hour upon hour at my dining room table, studying away. But in general, I really don't feel lonely and I am proud of the fact that I will pretty much do anything by myself, whether it's going to a movie, eating dinner, or traveling to another country.
How do you feel about being alone? Are you comfortable going to movies, dining, or traveling alone? I think that as we age, we become more comfortable with being alone - at least that has been my experience.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Learned a Lot
Remember when I said I totally fell in love with Amos Lee last month? This is one of my favorite songs off his newest album.
Spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling
Spent a lot of time talking to walls
Spent a lot of time chasing that old time feeling
Spent a lot of time waiting on your call
It's all about the lessons you learn through heart break. You see, I've been dating for 14 years. 14 YEARS. That is a long time. I have siblings and friends that dated for about 1/4 - 1/2 of that time. So yes, I've dated a lot, but I have also learned a lot.
And I've learned a lot
really learned a lot
broken down on my bedroom floor
yes I've learned a lot
really learned a lot
I hope you found what you were looking for
Here are some of the lessons I've learned over the last 14 years:
- If they care, they will call; if they don't, they won't.
- Trust your gut instinct. Don't dismiss a feeling that something doesn't feel right.
- The one who cares the least has the most control. A detectible misbalance (regardless of whether you are the one who cares more or less) puts a not-so-good spin on the relationship.
- You can not buy the other person's affections by being the perfect girlfriend. It's not about being perfect. It's about being perfect for each other.
- If you aren't happy on your own, you won't be happy in a relationship. In the beginning? Yes. But in the long run? Unlikely.
- It is far better to be single than to be in an unfulfilling relationship.
- This quote is totally true: "Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."
Oh and darling
Instead of running
I think it might be time to sit down
and deal with the pain
Late at night I sit and listen to the freeway
rolling like a river on a distant shore
nobody told me that living was easy
I ain't living in fear anymore
It's taken years, but I recently realized that I have let go of the wounds of past relationships.
I have let go of the bitterness. I have let go of the "Whys" and the "How could yous" and instead of focusing on the disappointments of past dating experiences, I'm shifting my focus to appreciating the lessons I've learned along the way.
I'll close with this great quote about forgiveness and letting go of things that has really resonated with me:
"We are chained to that which we do not forgive... Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is."
What have you learned through your years of dating?
And PS - isn't Amos Lee dreamy? I mean, he's the total package in my opinion. Great voice. Plays the guitar. Has adorably disheleved hair. Wear glasses. What's not to love?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Je suis fatigue!
So... I said I would take a couple of days off from blogging. But here I am!
The test is over. Finished. Finito. I feel good about it - or as good as I can feel. I am resisting the urge to analyze how it went. I have an idea of what my score could potentially be and am pretty confident it should be in the passing range (whatever that is, it's not published and is determined every year). I don't want to jinx it and say I definitely passed. Instead I will say, the odds of me passing are good. I will find out in August. It's out of my hands now!
It was pretty funny to see the guy to girl ratio on test day. I am going to say it was probably 80% men. Possibly more. I was definitely the only girl in a dress (it's what I feel most confident in). I definitely developed some test rituals. Besides wearing a dress, I wrote the exam with a pink #2 pencil. And I decided it would be good luck to eat lunch at a French restaurant (Nicoise salad, fresh squeezed lemonade. Mmm). If I pass the test, I will repeat those rituals next June when I take level 2 (here's hoping I am taking level 2 and not re-taking level 1!!)
Oh and the CFA institute should totally host some sort of speed dating event. There were some good looking guys there! Ha! Maybe they could hold it over the 2 hour lunch break. ;) Although as I used to say in my math program when I was totally the minority, it might be another case of "The odds were good, but the goods were odd."
When I walked out of the exam room, I felt about 100 x's lighter. I wanted someone to high five me! I wanted to skip! I headed to my aunt & uncles where I was greeted with wine! And then a champagne toast! And then a yummy Mexican meal with margaritas! It was such a fun night - lots of laughter, lots of sighs of relief on my part.
Yesterday, the exhaustion set in. I don't think I let myself really feel exhausted until the test was over because I didn't have time to think about how tired I have been lately or to re-adjust my schedule.
I sat down and thought about all the things that have happened this year. Since January 1st, I...
- healed a broken heart
- visited Abby in Tucson
- visited Nora in St. Louis
- started a new job
- celebrated my 30th birthday with a fabulous French-themed party
- spent a week in Paris and chronicled my adventures here
- visited Becky in DC, ran a horrible race with Charbelle, and met Jess, another DC-area blogger
- studied for and passed the Series 7
- found a tenant to rent my condo and a condo to rent downtown!
- studied for (and hopefully passed) level 1 of the CFA
Le sigh. That is freaking lot to pack into 5 months!
It's no wonder I am exhausted. Looking back, I may have slightly over-scheduled those first 5 months of the year. I can't say I would change a thing. I'm just really, really tired.
I have to get through the next 4 weeks of packing/moving/settling in... (luckily some friends have offered to help. My friends rock!) And I have plans to go to my parents lake cabin every weekend this month, so I will get some much-needed R&R on the weekends.
But after the move? I need to take time to do things I enjoy instead of doing things I HAVE to do. I plan on doing a whole lot of running. I want to watch all 6 seasons of SATC whilst knitting (not in one sitting, of course, but over the course of a couple of months.) I want to take walks with girlfriends around the local lake or along the river. I want to try new recipes. I want to dine al fresco and drink wine on my balcony. I want to check out my new, fun, vibrant neighborhood.
I think when it's all said in done, I will look back on the first 6 months of this year and think - "I don't know how you did it, but you did it. Now let's not do it again."
Is there a period of your life that you look back on and wonder how you fit it all in?
The test is over. Finished. Finito. I feel good about it - or as good as I can feel. I am resisting the urge to analyze how it went. I have an idea of what my score could potentially be and am pretty confident it should be in the passing range (whatever that is, it's not published and is determined every year). I don't want to jinx it and say I definitely passed. Instead I will say, the odds of me passing are good. I will find out in August. It's out of my hands now!
It was pretty funny to see the guy to girl ratio on test day. I am going to say it was probably 80% men. Possibly more. I was definitely the only girl in a dress (it's what I feel most confident in). I definitely developed some test rituals. Besides wearing a dress, I wrote the exam with a pink #2 pencil. And I decided it would be good luck to eat lunch at a French restaurant (Nicoise salad, fresh squeezed lemonade. Mmm). If I pass the test, I will repeat those rituals next June when I take level 2 (here's hoping I am taking level 2 and not re-taking level 1!!)
Oh and the CFA institute should totally host some sort of speed dating event. There were some good looking guys there! Ha! Maybe they could hold it over the 2 hour lunch break. ;) Although as I used to say in my math program when I was totally the minority, it might be another case of "The odds were good, but the goods were odd."
When I walked out of the exam room, I felt about 100 x's lighter. I wanted someone to high five me! I wanted to skip! I headed to my aunt & uncles where I was greeted with wine! And then a champagne toast! And then a yummy Mexican meal with margaritas! It was such a fun night - lots of laughter, lots of sighs of relief on my part.
Yesterday, the exhaustion set in. I don't think I let myself really feel exhausted until the test was over because I didn't have time to think about how tired I have been lately or to re-adjust my schedule.
I sat down and thought about all the things that have happened this year. Since January 1st, I...
- healed a broken heart
- visited Abby in Tucson
- visited Nora in St. Louis
- started a new job
- celebrated my 30th birthday with a fabulous French-themed party
- spent a week in Paris and chronicled my adventures here
- visited Becky in DC, ran a horrible race with Charbelle, and met Jess, another DC-area blogger
- studied for and passed the Series 7
- found a tenant to rent my condo and a condo to rent downtown!
- studied for (and hopefully passed) level 1 of the CFA
Le sigh. That is freaking lot to pack into 5 months!
It's no wonder I am exhausted. Looking back, I may have slightly over-scheduled those first 5 months of the year. I can't say I would change a thing. I'm just really, really tired.
I have to get through the next 4 weeks of packing/moving/settling in... (luckily some friends have offered to help. My friends rock!) And I have plans to go to my parents lake cabin every weekend this month, so I will get some much-needed R&R on the weekends.
But after the move? I need to take time to do things I enjoy instead of doing things I HAVE to do. I plan on doing a whole lot of running. I want to watch all 6 seasons of SATC whilst knitting (not in one sitting, of course, but over the course of a couple of months.) I want to take walks with girlfriends around the local lake or along the river. I want to try new recipes. I want to dine al fresco and drink wine on my balcony. I want to check out my new, fun, vibrant neighborhood.
I think when it's all said in done, I will look back on the first 6 months of this year and think - "I don't know how you did it, but you did it. Now let's not do it again."
Is there a period of your life that you look back on and wonder how you fit it all in?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Moving On
I interrupt the regularly scheduled Ten on Tuesday post to talk about an exciting development in my life!
I've alluded to my pending a move a couple of times, but now that the applications have been processed and the leases have been signed - I feel safe formally sharing my news! I will be moving on July 1st!!
It all came together so effortlessly; it's kind of amazing to me. 2 weeks ago, I was in my condo's office picking up a package. I casually mentioned that I would be renting out my condo at some point and the office manager told me that she had a great tenant who had lived in the development previously and was looking for a 1 bedroom unit to rent. This woman is quite possibly the most finnicky person I have ever met so if she was endorsing someone, I figured he was a viable tenant.
had originally planned on using a rental management company, mostly becuase I didn't want to deal with the hassle of finding a tenant. But with this glowing recommendation, I thought - maybe I CAN do this myself.
So I switched geers and started talking to friends who are landlords. They were able to walk me through the rental application/lease process and provide me with copies of the documents I'd need. Phew. It's nice to have friends that know what the heck they are doing and could answer my long list of questions...
So in the span of the week, I met the potential tenant (who loved my place - which shocks me), searched for condos downtown, and found the new place I will call home.
This is where I'll be moving on July 1st!
To give you some perspective, compare where I will live with where I currently live!
This is going to be SUCH a positive change for me. I will be 3/4 of a mile from work so will be able to walk to work every day (I am about 4 blocks from the skyway so I will still be able to walk to work in the winter). I'm close to great running trails. I'll be 3/4 of a mile from my favorite grocery store. This means I can take more of a European approach and can shop more frequently and buy less - and can walk instead of drive when it's nice out. I'm also blocks away from the awesome Farmer's Market that I took Kyla, Mandy, and Nora to when they visited last year. Actually, here is a picture I took last year when they were visiting - this is the surrounding area of where I'll live!!
Also? The building I am moving into rocks. It has a great outdoor patio area with a pool, barbeque grills, and an outdoor fireplace! So I will finally be able to grill food (grills are banned by my HOA). And it's a young community so this might be a good way for me to meet some new people.
I am super excited - and thrilled about how easily it has all come together. I think it's a sign that it was meant to me. I feel like I have a spring in my step again and am actually excited about living in Minneapolis!
I have a lot to do between now and July 1st. I know it will be a bit stressful at times, but knowing it's going to be such a positive change will keep me from letting the stress get to me too much.
And really, packing > studying in my book!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
On Unicorns & Expiration Dating
It’s story time.
I was leaving work on the afternoon of Good Friday when I received an email from a good friend from college, asking if I had plans for the evening as she had a friend who was stuck in town for work who was looking for someone to go to the Twins game with.
Initially, I politely declined as I had family coming to town and I figured my family would not think it was cool for me to choose to hang out with a stranger over time with them.
Then she responded back, listing out some characteristics of this guy. When I read her email I thought – “my God, it’s like she programmed all of the attributes I’d like in a guy into a computer and out popped this guy.”
The thing is, it’s been so long since I have had a positive encounter with a guy, I was beginning to think that quality men were akin to unicorns, meaning they are a nice idea but they just don’t exist in reality. I wanted to spend the evening with my family, but I thought I might regret not taking advantage of this opportunity.
I called my SIL and brother who were on their way from Chicago and asked them what they thought I should do. My SIL's only question: “Is he attractive?” My response: “Allegedly…” Her answer: “Then GO!”
And so I did.
And it was a fabulous night. The game got rained out so we went out for dinner instead and talked for hours. The conversation ranged from our mutual love of excel spreads sheets (yes, I talked about excel spreadsheets on a date, it’s no wonder I am single) to Hemingway to running to travel to being single in your 30s.
Of course the downside to all of this is the fact that he does not live here – nor does he live a driveable distance away. But I continued to see him when I could and labeled what we were doing as “expiration dating."
His work project wrapped up last week and he returned home. I was sad when I found out he would be leaving – but my next thought was that I was actually thankful that I felt sadness because that meant I had actually met someone who made me feel something again. I was beginning to think that wasn’t possible.
Maybe our paths will cross again in the future – time will tell. Chances are I will visit a sales office close to where he lives so maybe we will see each other again. Bottom line, it was a fabulous 2 week stretch of fun dates and great conversations. It was good for me to take a easy-going approach to dating and just have fun and enjoy the company of another person.
This experience reminded me that there are fabulous guys out there. It showed me that you can meet them in the most unexpected ways.
It made me realize that life really is full of wonderful surprises.
(Lyrics are an excerpt from Enchanted by Taylor Swift)
I was leaving work on the afternoon of Good Friday when I received an email from a good friend from college, asking if I had plans for the evening as she had a friend who was stuck in town for work who was looking for someone to go to the Twins game with.
Initially, I politely declined as I had family coming to town and I figured my family would not think it was cool for me to choose to hang out with a stranger over time with them.
Then she responded back, listing out some characteristics of this guy. When I read her email I thought – “my God, it’s like she programmed all of the attributes I’d like in a guy into a computer and out popped this guy.”
The thing is, it’s been so long since I have had a positive encounter with a guy, I was beginning to think that quality men were akin to unicorns, meaning they are a nice idea but they just don’t exist in reality. I wanted to spend the evening with my family, but I thought I might regret not taking advantage of this opportunity.
 |
| {Source} |
And so I did.
There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you
And it was a fabulous night. The game got rained out so we went out for dinner instead and talked for hours. The conversation ranged from our mutual love of excel spreads sheets (yes, I talked about excel spreadsheets on a date, it’s no wonder I am single) to Hemingway to running to travel to being single in your 30s.
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you
Of course the downside to all of this is the fact that he does not live here – nor does he live a driveable distance away. But I continued to see him when I could and labeled what we were doing as “expiration dating."
This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you
His work project wrapped up last week and he returned home. I was sad when I found out he would be leaving – but my next thought was that I was actually thankful that I felt sadness because that meant I had actually met someone who made me feel something again. I was beginning to think that wasn’t possible.
Maybe our paths will cross again in the future – time will tell. Chances are I will visit a sales office close to where he lives so maybe we will see each other again. Bottom line, it was a fabulous 2 week stretch of fun dates and great conversations. It was good for me to take a easy-going approach to dating and just have fun and enjoy the company of another person.
This experience reminded me that there are fabulous guys out there. It showed me that you can meet them in the most unexpected ways.
It made me realize that life really is full of wonderful surprises.
(Lyrics are an excerpt from Enchanted by Taylor Swift)
Monday, May 9, 2011
On Being Back
A couple of Fridays ago, the weather was cold enough to warrant the wearing of a winter jacket. I scanned my collection of coats, picked the least dreary one, and headed out the door. As I waited for my bus, I put my hands in my pockets to shield them from the cold wind.
My left hand closed around a small piece of paper. I pulled it out of my pocket to see what it was and found that it was the metro ticket from my return trip to the Paris airport. Truthfully, my heart sort of sunk at bit as I pulled it out my pocket and looked at it. Yes, I smile when I think of that trip, but I can't say I really smile all that much about being back in Minnesota.
This post has been brewing in my mind for awhile now. It's been over 2 months since I returned from Paris and I keep waiting for the post-vacation blues to fade away. It sure doesn't help that this has been an especially cold/dreary spring. Spring is slowly making it's appearance, but it's taking it's sweet time.
I fully realize that my week in Paris does not = reality. Living there would be much different than vacationing there. I understand this. I am not trying to figure out a way to move to Paris - I know that is not realistic or feasible at this time (hello, I do not speak French, that would be a bit of a problem). So instead of fixating on Paris, I have asked myself this: Aside from being in a beautiful, charming city, what did I love about that week in Paris?
The answer is this: I loved not driving. I loved taking the metro everywhere. I loved going out to dinner and walking home afterwards. I loved shopping at the outdoor market and in smaller format grocery stores with 4 aisles instead of supermarkets with 10 aisles and a ridiculous assortment of processed foods.
So over the past 2 months, I've pondered changes I could make so that my lifestyle would be more similar to that week in Paris. Here are some of the options I've mulled over, with differing levels of risk/change.
Short-term Option: Rent out my condo and move into an apartment downtown. I am sure some people read that sentence and think: Way to move backwards in life. But here is the thing - I HATE LIVING IN SUBURBIA. Hate it. When I bought my condo 6 years ago, I NEVER thought I'd still be here. I thought I'd live here for 3-5 years, build up some equity, and move on. Then the real estate market crashed and I am now stuck with a condo worth less than 1/2 of what I paid for it. I'm stuck with this place for now, but it doesn't mean I necessarily have to be stuck living here. By moving downtown, I could walk to work (and say good bye to my 1.5 hour round trip commute to work). I could dine out and walk home. I'd have access to a lot of great running trails. It would be easy to walk to a coffee shop and study for the CFA. Right now I do almost all of my studying at my kitchen table, so I spent A LOT of time alone in an empty condo
Longer Term Option: Look into moving to a larger city in the US, such as Chicago. I need to establish some stability on my resume, so this isn't something I could do in the near future. But in ~2 years, if my attitude about living in Minnesota has not changed, maybe it is time to move. Especially if I am still single. Trust me when I say Minneapolis is NOT a great place to live as a single person in your 30s. If I moved to a larger city, I wouldn't feel like such a pariah. And I could possibly get rid of my car and rely on public transportation (or at least drive it very rarely). Of course, the possibility of this move assumes I can find a job, but I guess I will cross that bridge when/if I get to it. Chicago is a viable option since I have a brother in the Chicago area, there are cheap flights to Minneapolis so visiting family would be easy/affordable, and my employer has a sales office there so I could possibly work out of that office. Oh and Nora would be a relatively short drive away. Lastly, Chicago has a really strong running culture, so by joining a running club, I could probably make friends somewhat easily.
We'll see what the future holds for me. I don't plan on making any quick/rash decisions. I do feel a little better listing out my options, though - it gives me more of a feeling of control. One of my pet peeves is when people complain and complain about something in their life, but do nothing about it. I refuse to be one of those people.
Have you ever reached a point of your life where you recognized that you need to make a change in order to be more happy?
My left hand closed around a small piece of paper. I pulled it out of my pocket to see what it was and found that it was the metro ticket from my return trip to the Paris airport. Truthfully, my heart sort of sunk at bit as I pulled it out my pocket and looked at it. Yes, I smile when I think of that trip, but I can't say I really smile all that much about being back in Minnesota.
This post has been brewing in my mind for awhile now. It's been over 2 months since I returned from Paris and I keep waiting for the post-vacation blues to fade away. It sure doesn't help that this has been an especially cold/dreary spring. Spring is slowly making it's appearance, but it's taking it's sweet time.
I fully realize that my week in Paris does not = reality. Living there would be much different than vacationing there. I understand this. I am not trying to figure out a way to move to Paris - I know that is not realistic or feasible at this time (hello, I do not speak French, that would be a bit of a problem). So instead of fixating on Paris, I have asked myself this: Aside from being in a beautiful, charming city, what did I love about that week in Paris?
The answer is this: I loved not driving. I loved taking the metro everywhere. I loved going out to dinner and walking home afterwards. I loved shopping at the outdoor market and in smaller format grocery stores with 4 aisles instead of supermarkets with 10 aisles and a ridiculous assortment of processed foods.
So over the past 2 months, I've pondered changes I could make so that my lifestyle would be more similar to that week in Paris. Here are some of the options I've mulled over, with differing levels of risk/change.
Short-term Option: Rent out my condo and move into an apartment downtown. I am sure some people read that sentence and think: Way to move backwards in life. But here is the thing - I HATE LIVING IN SUBURBIA. Hate it. When I bought my condo 6 years ago, I NEVER thought I'd still be here. I thought I'd live here for 3-5 years, build up some equity, and move on. Then the real estate market crashed and I am now stuck with a condo worth less than 1/2 of what I paid for it. I'm stuck with this place for now, but it doesn't mean I necessarily have to be stuck living here. By moving downtown, I could walk to work (and say good bye to my 1.5 hour round trip commute to work). I could dine out and walk home. I'd have access to a lot of great running trails. It would be easy to walk to a coffee shop and study for the CFA. Right now I do almost all of my studying at my kitchen table, so I spent A LOT of time alone in an empty condo
Longer Term Option: Look into moving to a larger city in the US, such as Chicago. I need to establish some stability on my resume, so this isn't something I could do in the near future. But in ~2 years, if my attitude about living in Minnesota has not changed, maybe it is time to move. Especially if I am still single. Trust me when I say Minneapolis is NOT a great place to live as a single person in your 30s. If I moved to a larger city, I wouldn't feel like such a pariah. And I could possibly get rid of my car and rely on public transportation (or at least drive it very rarely). Of course, the possibility of this move assumes I can find a job, but I guess I will cross that bridge when/if I get to it. Chicago is a viable option since I have a brother in the Chicago area, there are cheap flights to Minneapolis so visiting family would be easy/affordable, and my employer has a sales office there so I could possibly work out of that office. Oh and Nora would be a relatively short drive away. Lastly, Chicago has a really strong running culture, so by joining a running club, I could probably make friends somewhat easily.
We'll see what the future holds for me. I don't plan on making any quick/rash decisions. I do feel a little better listing out my options, though - it gives me more of a feeling of control. One of my pet peeves is when people complain and complain about something in their life, but do nothing about it. I refuse to be one of those people.
Have you ever reached a point of your life where you recognized that you need to make a change in order to be more happy?
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