Monday, May 9, 2011

On Being Back

A couple of Fridays ago, the weather was cold enough to warrant the wearing of a winter jacket.  I scanned my collection of coats, picked the least dreary one, and headed out the door.  As I waited for my bus, I put my hands in my pockets to shield them from the cold wind. 

My left hand closed around a small piece of paper.  I pulled it out of my pocket to see what it was and found that it was the metro ticket from my return trip to the Paris airport.  Truthfully, my heart sort of sunk at bit as I pulled it out my pocket and looked at it.  Yes, I smile when I think of that trip, but I can't say I really smile all that much about being back in Minnesota.

This post has been brewing in my mind for awhile now.  It's been over 2 months since I returned from Paris and I keep waiting for the post-vacation blues to fade away.  It sure doesn't help that this has been an especially cold/dreary spring.  Spring is slowly making it's appearance, but it's taking it's sweet time.

I fully realize that my week in Paris does not = reality.  Living there would be much different than vacationing there.  I understand this.  I am not trying to figure out a way to move to Paris - I know that is not realistic or feasible at this time (hello, I do not speak French, that would be a bit of a problem).  So instead of fixating on Paris, I have asked myself this:  Aside from being in a beautiful, charming city, what did I love about that week in Paris?
 
The answer is this: I loved not driving.  I loved taking the metro everywhere. I loved going out to dinner and walking home afterwards. I loved shopping at the outdoor market and in smaller format grocery stores with 4 aisles instead of supermarkets with 10 aisles and a ridiculous assortment of processed foods.

So over the past 2 months, I've pondered changes I could make so that my lifestyle would be more similar to that week in Paris.  Here are some of the options I've mulled over, with differing levels of risk/change. 

Short-term Option:  Rent out my condo and move into an apartment downtown.  I am sure some people read that sentence and think:  Way to move backwards in life.  But here is the thing - I HATE LIVING IN SUBURBIA.  Hate it.  When I bought my condo 6 years ago, I NEVER thought I'd still be here.  I thought I'd live here for 3-5 years, build up some equity, and move on.  Then the real estate market crashed and I am now stuck with a condo worth less than 1/2 of what I paid for it.  I'm stuck with this place for now, but it doesn't mean I necessarily have to be stuck living here.  By moving downtown, I could walk to work (and say good bye to my 1.5 hour round trip commute to work).  I could dine out and walk home.  I'd have access to a lot of great running trails.  It would be easy to walk to a coffee shop and study for the CFA.  Right now I do almost all of my studying at my kitchen table, so I spent A LOT of time alone in an empty condo

Longer Term Option:  Look into moving to a larger city in the US, such as Chicago.  I need to establish some stability on my resume, so this isn't something I could do in the near future.  But in ~2 years, if my attitude about living in Minnesota has not changed, maybe it is time to move.  Especially if I am still single.  Trust me when I say Minneapolis is NOT a great place to live as a single person in your 30s.  If I moved to a larger city, I wouldn't feel like such a pariah.  And I could possibly get rid of my car and rely on public transportation (or at least drive it very rarely).  Of course, the possibility of this move assumes I can find a job, but I guess I will cross that bridge when/if I get to it.  Chicago is a viable option since I have a brother in the Chicago area, there are cheap flights to Minneapolis so visiting family would be easy/affordable, and my employer has a sales office there so I could possibly work out of that office.  Oh and Nora would be a relatively short drive away.  Lastly, Chicago has a really strong running culture, so by joining a running club, I could probably make friends somewhat easily. 

We'll see what the future holds for me.  I don't plan on making any quick/rash decisions.  I do feel a little better listing out my options, though - it gives me more of a feeling of control.  One of my pet peeves is when people complain and complain about something in their life, but do nothing about it.  I refuse to be one of those people.

Have you ever reached a point of your life where you recognized that you need to make a change in order to be more happy? 

24 comments:

Unprofessional said...

I LOVE THIS POST, LISA! And I also happen to love downtown MSP. I've also noticed myself being much happier when my day ends with a long walk (or bike ride) home rather than a 15 minute fight with traffic.

I think you should go for it. I know it's not easy to just pick up and move, but it sounds like there's a lot of potential in a move like that. And there are single people left in that city...I can count about 25 that I know...and a lot of them live downtown, so maybe that's where the rest are hiding! Either way, it's a great place to meet people.

Also I love Chicago. Not a bad thought either!

Just to reiterate, I LOVED THIS POST!

Becky said...

Yes! I'm totally at that point! We are trying to get out of this apartment come hell or highway this summer!

I really like both of these options - and I know living downtown would change a lot for you immediately. Maybe that's something to strive for, and then work up to the Chicago one!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

Oh, yes. I have absolutely come to a point and realized I was miserable. Managing Justice. I was being challenged everyday having to manage adults (which is something I don't think I ever want to do again), but I didn't feel like I had a very large purpose. I felt worthless, a lot. Quitting felt crazy, but I did it. The other option of staying never felt like an option anymore once I realized how miserable I really was.

This post was wonderful, but very sad. I'm worried about you! I hope you figure out something to do to make yourself a little happier. I really like both options, but the first one can be done reasonably soon and is such a good idea! That much time commuting seems like such a waste of time when you could be studying, running, enjoying time to yourself...

Cheer up, I have no doubt you will figure out what the right thing to do is!

abbi said...

Oh, how I wish I would've been able to meet up with you when I was in Minneapolis - we seem to have so much in common. I definitely understand where you are coming from...I'm happy with where I live but questioning my job lately. Is it this turning 30 thing, don't know. Best of luck in what you decide...it's often very hard to make that decision to make a big change.

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

Another blog friend I know lives in Minneapolis and after this winter she and her boyfriend are actually seriously looking into renting a place in Ft. Lauderdale next winter and working there for the winter and seeing if they like it enough to make it a perm. move. But she has flexibility with her job where she can work out of her home from there and they have already approved that. But I get it. If it wasn't for this wonderful weather wise weekend I would be just about to call it quits here. But then again, honestly besides friends and family there is NOTHING here for people my husband's and my age. Nothing. No jobs, no enticement to be here, nada.

Nora said...

It takes guts to acknowledge you need a change.
It takes guts to write about that change.
It takes guts to even think about changing things.
And you know what? I know you have the guts, savvy, willpower to make it happen for you. Having options is always a good thing and I have no doubt you'll figure out the one that works best for you.

Marlys said...

I know you talked about this over the Easter weekend, and you know we would support you in whatever you decide. If living in downtown Mpls would suit your lifestyle better, then I say - DO IT! Moving somewhere else someday is totally your decision and we won't hold you back, even though we like having you live fairly close to us! I would never hold my children back from a decision that you've pondered and prayed about!

Raquelita said...

Oh, honey, this post resonated with me a lot! I felt a lot of the same frustrations when I moved back to the states after living in Madrid for a year and a half. I wanted to take the metro instead of waiting 30 minutes for a bus. I wanted to go to small cafe-bars and see more people walking with their groceries. Over time I adjusted, because it wasn't so bad being in a relatively urban area. I could go out to dinner and walk home, etc. But now I live in such a small town that the dining options even are pretty limited unless I want to go to strip mall kinds of chains, which I don't. I know that as an academic I won't really get to choose where I live, and I'm trying to make the most of it. I've found the cooler coffee shops and restaurants in the area. I try to ride my bike more. But it would be nice to live in a place where there is opera, Shakespeare in the park, lots of open air concerts, ethnic food options, etc.

Amy said...

I can completely relate to this post. I lived in suburbia for a year when my boyfriend and I first moved in together. I was desperately unhappy---nothing to do, no one our age, etc. We made the decision to move downtown (where I'd loved for 5 years prior) last summer and my happiness increased almost immediately. I'm a huge advocate for loving where you live and if there's some way you could influience that, I'd do it.

Allison Blass said...

I'm definitely going through that right now. I live in suburbia of NYC, which is still accessible and pretty convenient, but not THAT convenient. However, NYC is just not realistic for us. It's too expensive for our incomes and my FI's office is in Westchester, not the city, and the commute would be horrid. So I'm putting up with it b/c at least I get to enjoy it fairly regularly, even if it's not everyday.

But we are planning on moving eventually and when we do, it'll definitely be an urban area. I think the only reason I've survived is because I can get to the city on my own, without needing a car. But all the people around me are parents and so it's a little weird! I'm not a parent and won't be for awhile. We have no plans of settling down, whereas everyone here are all East Coasters and are in it for the long haul. It can be difficult when you're on a path that's different from everyone around you.

crystal said...

I think renting your condo and living more central is a wonderful idea!! I can't really pinpoint why, but I definitely have the idea of you as a "walking, not driving" person and think that you would be so much happier if you were able to be in the midst of everything. (Did that make any sense?!)
Anyways, I love that you are thinking of the changes that would make you happier and I say go for it!!

Amber said...

You already know how I feel about this - YES YES YES!

Quality of life is so so so important. Why waste time being unhappy and having a huge commute? If living downtown would make you happier then I definitely think you should do it. I'm so happy your taking steps to make this happen for you!!

Also, I think you'd really like living in the West, like Seattle. Just sayin' ;) ;)

Anais said...

think the idea of moving downtown is so great! Just the fact that you wouldn't have to commute would already make you so much happier I think!

In the same way as you, after a very stressful year, I've come to realize that I have to add a bit of that vacation feeling to my day to day life and ive come to many of the same conclusions as you. Two of my favorite things to do: look at your city through the eyes of a tourist and take some time to wander around aimlessly :)

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

This is a really good post Lisa. I think how realistic you are that Paris is not necessarily life, but that you could make your life more like that vacation. Personally, I live in suburbia too and it works for me and Eric because we have each other, I have a ridiculously close commute to work etc- but if I was single and living alone, I would DEFINITELY move downtown... and if I had such a long commute I might do that anyway even with Eric (though he'd kill me because he likes being able to drive and not have to deal with city parking).

I also love Chicago and think you would be really happy there as well, but 1 step at a time. Rent out the condo first, try living downtown and see how that goes :)

Shoshanah said...

I think you've come up with some great ideas. Also as for the huge supermarket, what about stopping by the farmer's market more often? I'm sure there's some in nearby you could visit.

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

Tough decision to make, but at least you are taking time to think about it.

I haven't had to make any big changes to increase my happiness, but I have made small changes.

J said...

I think its great that you are thinking about what you can do to make yourself happier and maybe moving is the thing. You are open and ready for a change and I am sure an opportunity will present itself. I sometimes wish I had moved to a big city and been able to walk every where. Better late than never!

Jess said...

We did it.

We were living in Charlotte, NC, and hated it. Chris and I were both really, really unhappy, and the job market sucked, and we just wanted something More.

So we decided to move. With two babies. DC was one of a few places we wanted to end up, and it's where we did.

And in the five years since? We don't regret it a second. Best decision ever.

Jeanie said...

You've been back two months. I've been back two years next month. I never get tired of thinking about life in Paris -- which is why at this moment I have a French-speaking channel on TV. And I agree with so much you say. In Paris they walk, bus or metro. Here we drive. Often we drive because it's so darned inconvenient schedule-wise to do otherwise. I'm lucky to live six blocks from a small grocery and can walk to lots of places, but not to work. The commute is short and I like my neighborhood and house -- I don't think I'd like to live in a downtown. But I'd like to be more flex in how I can operate.

When Rick comes home from big city traveling I swear he's depressed for three months.

But you have the right idea -- there are things you can do now, things mid-point and things later. To get them in order can sure make for a plan -- and a plan is the best start!

Renting the condo and moving downtown seems very do-able. Time to look into the specifics! And what a journey this will be to follow!

Mandy said...

I love this post. It takes courage to write about this so openly and honestly. Follow your happiness. I used to think that a stable resume was the key to happiness. But after a month+ of unemployment I'm beginning to think differently. Forget your resume and forget for a minute about reality. If working/living in an urban environment is what you want. Go for it now. Don't wait. If Paris isn't realistic now, find a way to make it more so.

I know from your dedication to marathon training and your studying that if you really want it badly enough, you will accomplish it.

Don't wait for "someday" to be happy. Find a way to make that happen now. And as always, know that you have my full support in whatever you decide.

Stephany said...

I just love this post so much, Lisa! Even if it is sad, it shows that you know what you want and the steps you want to take to get there and I fully support you in this.

Bottom line, you have to be happy. And if you're not happy, then you should do whatever it takes to get you to that point. :)

Lauren @ Sassy Molassy said...

Ah, so many options! I love the living downtown idea. I mean, that is a lot of time to spend each day commuting, even if you are sitting on the metro most of the time and not driving. Downtown living would be fun. And, I do love Chicago and we have a good reason to visit regularly so it would be fun to have you there as well! It's such a fabulous city (although cold in the winter). Whenever we visit it seems to be unseasonably nice and I fall in love with the city all over again.

I'd say, if you could get someone to rent your place, why not try it?! It could be a fun change of pace for a bit and definitely does not mean you're moving backward in life.

In that book on dvd I was listening to recently (All Your Worth) the authors made a point to note that a myth most of us have is that owning your own place is a must. They said that it's just not true. Some places, housing markets and financial situations just don't lend themselves to home ownership. Anywho, random tangent...

Go get that Parisian lifestyle!

Kyria @ Travel Spot said...

This is a great post. I have been there! I took a job in San Francisco during the dot com era and had a hell of a time finding an apartment. I had to go through a few stages -- living with roommates, subletting, etc before finally getting what I wanted, but it was SO worth it. SO WORTH IT! It may take time to get what you want, but you will be happy you changed once you do.

Also, what's stopping you from starting in MSP and then going from there?

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

A couple thoughts ...

Have you thought about walking away from your condo? I don't know whether you have any equity in it or what the credit ramifications are ... but, you certainly wouldn't be the first person who would make a strategic move like that.

For as long as I've known you in blogland, you've been pretty open about wanting something more than what Minneapolis offers. I know family is important to you and that's why you stay. But, I think you deserve all the amazing things you want out of life. And maybe Minnesota isn't the place to offer them to you. Of course, it's a lot easier for me to preach over here - making that kind of change is a lot harder.

Finally, Chicago is a driving city. Yes, we have public transportation. Yes, people take it everyday to work. But, the people I know who don't have cars resent not having a car. Everyone here drives. So, if Chicago is in your future (and I'd cheer if it is), assume you're better off keeping a car ... but, that you could certainly reduce how much you rely on it.