And Now I Wait

Well the test is over and behind me.  Despite the fact that I studied more hours for this level than any other level, I walked out of the exam feeling worse than I did for any other level.  In fact, I cried.  And they were not tears of joy.  They were tears of frustration and uncertainty.  And exhaustion, too.

So if you ask me how I think I did, my response is:  I just don't know.  Could I have passed?  Yes.  Could I have failed?  Yes.  The morning part of the exam was pretty bad.  I had no trouble finishing any of my practice tests within 3 hours, but I was furiously scribbling to finish on Saturday morning.  My heart my racing and my hands were shaking as I tried as hard as I could to get my thoughts down on the paper.  The afternoon went better.  It was tough and there were some questions that I had to completely guess on, but I could have pulled off a 70 (which is the alleged passing score).  I do find some comfort in the fact that the other people I talked to (including Phil) thought the morning was very difficult, and it is graded on a curve (to some extent) so it helps that others struggled as well.

And now I wait.  Results come out in about 10 weeks - so even slower than levels 1 and 2 since they have to hand grade all the essays.  I laid awake in bed on Saturday night until 3:30 am, running through some of the questions in my mind, over and over.  I am hoping that as the days pass, I analyze less and am able to just let it go.  After all, worrying and obsessing over it won't change anything.

On a positive note, it is so wonderful to get my free time back.  It was so great to get to the airport and not sit at the gate and study.  And I read for pleasure on the flight home.  I won't take those little things for granted.

Testing aside, it was really great to be home.  I saw friends, family, and Phil, and soaked up some time downtown on Friday afternoon.  Being home definitely affirmed the fact that I really need to get back to the Midwest.  There were definitely a lot of tears when I said good byes throughout the weekend, even though they are see you laters.  But I will be home for a week in just under 2 months.  I don't like to wish away time, but I am hoping that trip home comes fast.

I know the tone of this post is pretty down and defeated, but it's my reality.  It's really hard to put your heart and soul into something and walk away feeling so uncertain about the outcome.  I am trying to remind myself that pass or fail, life will go on.

It's Time

2 sets of textbooks, 9 practice tests, and a binder containing 3 packs of note paper of hand written notes.  All of that, with the exception of a couple of last minute things I need to review today, has been packed away.  I am very happy to reclaim my dining room table from the death grip of the CFA (and it has rarely looked this tidy...  it's usually a chaotic mess). 


It's almost here - the final level of the CFA.  I know some people in my life have questioned my desire to pursue this designation (and I have questioned it myself considering the sacrifices I have had to make) but hopefully all of my hard work and perseverance pays off.  I've spent over 400 hours over the course of the last 23 weeks studying for this exam and I can honestly say I couldn't have studied any harder than I have.  The bulk of the studying has been done at my dining room table, but I've studied in airports, airplanes, hotel rooms, and coffee shops.  This CFA study season will go down as the most volatile of the three, as just weeks into the study season, I found out I'd be moving across the country. I've tried my best to rise above all the volatility, but it has been far from easy and I will say that the last 5 months of my life have been some of the toughest today.

But exam day is tomorrow, so soon enough I can put all this craziness behind me.  It's a 6 hour exam broken into 2 3-hour sessions.  The format of the morning half is essays, the afternoon half is case studies with multiple choice.  I know it will be hard, but I know I am as prepared as I can be.  The pass rate is still quite low for this level (50%) which is mind boggling considering it's only around 40% for the first 2 levels..  So as much as my family and friends continue to assert that I AM going to pass, I also know there is a chance I won't given that pass rate.  But I am trying not to think about that too much.

I arrived last night and am staying with my aunt & uncle until after the exam, when I will see Phil (he is taking level 3 as well, and is studying quite a bit in the days leading up to the exam, so we are waiting until after the exam to spend time together... not ideal, but it's the way it goes. After all, it's probably the most important test we'll take in our lives).  Tonight I am going out to dinner with one of my local best friends at the Mexican place I always eat at the night before, and tomorrow night I will celebrate having the beast of exam behind me by going to a different Mexican restaurant with family (yes, Mexican two nights in a row.  There is no such thing as too much Mexican food in my world).

So wish me luck, cross your fingers, and say a prayer for me tomorrow that this my final time of sitting for the CFA!  I'll check in next week to let you know how it went!

The Final Countdown

385 hours down, and about 28 hours to go.  Study hours that is.  While most of America will be out gallivanting and celebrating the unofficial start to summer, I'll be hunkering down and putting in lots of study hours since this is my LAST weekend before the test.  All I can say is THANK GOD it's the last weekend because I honestly can not handle any more study-centric weekends.  If you look up burned out in the dictionary, you might see a picture of me.  I'm definitely counting down the hours left of studying and the days until the exam.

I once again have a weekend that is void of social plans, but such is the life of a CFA candidate (and a transplant).  I just hope and pray that this is my LAST Memorial Day weekend that I spend studying!  If I pass this test, all the hand work and sacrifices will be worth it.  If I don't?  Well, let's not go there because it probably involves a room with padded walls.  I am kidding.  Sort of.

This next week is going to be hectic for me, to say the least, so my posting will be light next week.  I have a business trip to Orlando so will fly out for that on Monday evening, and will return to Charlotte on Wednesday afternoon.  Then I fly to Minneapolis on Thursday afternoon for the CFA test weekend!!  Even though I am returning home for a not-so-fun reason, I am still really looking forward to it as I'll see Phil, spend some time with friends, and see some family.  I am mostly looking forward to the post-CFA Mexican fiesta that we have each year!

I hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend - especially those who have a long weekend!  I am sure I'll be back later next week to check in before the big day.

Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?  I had hoped to kick off the weekend by going to "Before Midnight" but it turns out it is only playing in NYC and LA.  :(  So instead I am going to take tonight mostly off from studying and will do a little retail therapy and treat myself to sushi.

On Walking a Tight Rope

It's no secret that I have felt overwhelmed lately.  In general, CFA season is always a really hard time for me as life begins to feel like a tight rope that I am precariously balanced one.  I've walked this tight rope the past 2 springs, balancing work, studying, and seeing family and friends, and have come out on the other side of it with a pass and a sense of relief of getting through that difficult phase.  Now this year, heaped on top of those commitments, I am trying to balance a crazy travel schedule and what feels like a never ending list of moving-related tasks.

Over the past couple of months, I've handled it ok.  Sure there have been cracks in my "I can do it all" facade.  Those cracks mostly manifest themselves in tears at inopportune moments and settings, from sitting at the gate at the airport with my mom on our way back from Charlotte to eating dinner at a crowded restaurant with Phil to sitting at my desk at work (which is the worst of all as I have zero privacy since my workspace is completely open).  But when the cracks showed, I gave myself a pep talk, and carried on.

Well this week I just sort of hit a breaking point. While attending the conference in Florida was a good career opportunity, the long days spent in a windowless conference room coupled with dinners out that lasted until 10:30-11 pm left me just plain exhausted.  And then I found out I have to go back to Charlotte once again next week and I thought - ENOUGH!

There's nothing I can really cut back on right now.  I can't say no to trips like the one to Charlotte next week.  I can't stop studying 18 hours a week for the CFA.  I can't abandon my moving to do list, nor can I ask for help as they are all things I need to do (luckily my company pays for a moving company to pack my goods which is a huge relief).  But what I can do is take a mental health day.  And that is what I am doing today.  Granted, it won't be this uber relaxing day of leisure and rest, but it will allow me to get a good night's sleep, get caught up on some moving to do's, and get a head start on my weekend study hours.

I have a full weekend ahead of me which includes meeting up with Amber today for coffee, attending my old boss's birthday happy hour tonight, helping to run a potluck breakfast for run club tomorrow morning (totally kicking myself for offering to help but I felt bad resigning from the board so felt I should take on something), and most importantly - attending my going away party on Saturday night.

That's a lot to pack into one weekend so my hope is that by taking today off, I can enter the weekend feeling a bit more relaxed.  I especially want to feel calm and rested tomorrow night so I can fully enjoy my going away party!

So here's hoping today's mental health day is a restorative one for me! 

Do you take mental health days?  This the first unplanned day off I've taken from work in a very very long time, but it feels very necessary.

Weekend Warrior

Happy Monday!  For those of you who were hit hard by a snow storm, I hope you are digging out!  It was crazy to see how much snow the Northeast got over the weekend.  I am SO glad that was not me as I am really over snow.  Luckily we just maybe got 4" yesterday?

I had a super productive, yet fun weekend.  On the productive side, I filed my taxes, studied for 11 hours, got caught up on ironing, ran 6 chilly miles outdoors, assembled and froze the lasagna that I'll make for my dinner party next weekend, and cleaned out/purged 2 closets!  On the fun side, I went out to dinner with a couple I hadn't seen in about a year, had fun at a game night at Phil's where I learned how to play a new game (Catan, it's a favorite game in his group of friends), caught up with Mandy on the phone, and ended the weekend with a video knitting night chat with Becky and Kyla!

Oy vey.  I almost get tired just typing that all out...  It was a fun, full weekend, but I can't say I felt all that relaxed and refreshed at the end.  Instead I feel sort of exhausted and spread thin as I moved from one thing to the next with very little downtime.  But I think I just have to accept that this is how life will be until after the move... or until after the CFA exam in June most likely.  I struggled with feeling overwhelmed and spread thin last year when studying for level II and those feelings are exacerbated this year since I now have to fit in pre-moving tasks and trying to see as many family and friends as I possibly can before I move in early April.

So in the mean time, I am trying to find time each day and each weekend to do something for myself, whether that is going for a run or spending an hour reading.  And I am reminding myself that this is a temporary phase and that life will return to normal soon (well, at least a new normal as I'll be in Charlotte when things slow down eventually).

I am also trying to not put too much pressure on myself to SEE EVERYONE and DO EVERYTHING I think I should before moving.  I have a limited amount of free time and I want to spend a significant amount of that free time with Phil before moving, which might mean saying no to some dinners or happy hours that I'd like to say yes to... 

What do you do when you start to feel overwhelmed?  Are you good at making time for yourself during the busiest seasons of your life?

And So It Begins

Oh hey, why yes it was Christmas yesterday and most are probably still basking in the post-holiday glow...  But there is no rest for the dedicated CFA candidate...  Yes, friends, studying starts today (sob).  I have tried to live in the 'now' during the month of December and not fixate on the fact that I would start studying today.  I was marginally successful at doing this as I had lots of fun things to distract me.  But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have been filled with a sense of dread...  because that is how I have felt for the last week. 

I just hate the thought of saying good bye to so much free time.  Gone are the leisurely evenings spent working out, cooking dinner, and reading.  Instead work outs will be hastily fit in and I will spend 15-20 hours each week at my dining room table. And there will undoubtedly be tears and feelings of self-doubt and isolation and days where I think "how will I ever pass?" 

But pass, I will.  This is it.  This is the final level.  I just have to get through this test and I will be free.  Luckily my boyfriend is also taking level III so he'll totally know what I am going through and will also be busy studying (albeit not quite as many hours, we have different approaches to test prep).

So if I am quiet around these parts over the next 23 weeks, it's because I'll be studying away, trying to cram all the information from these books into my brain. 

Level III, let's do this.

On Work Travel

I've talked about work travel throughout the fall, but have spoken mostly in generalities and talked about how tired I was or how much I missed home or how spread thin I've been.  I thought maybe it would be helpful to do some level-setting and explain to you why I am not exactly jumping for joy over the fact that I made status on Delta this fall (which means I completed at least 30 flights, 2/3 of which I flew in the span of 3 months).

Now before I go into the reasons that work travel is challenging for me, I want to make it clear that I am not looking for pity.  Instead, I just want people to think about what it is really like to travel so often!

This is why work travel is difficult for me:

- The hours are long.  When I am traveling for work, I rarely work 'normal' hours.  Typically my day will start at 7, I'll have a full day of meetings with clients and colleagues, and then usually drinks/dinner afterwards that will go until 8-10 pm.  Granted this doesn't happen every night when I travel, but it happens more often than not.

- There is no downtime/relaxing during the day.  On a typical day in my office, I definitely have time when I can sort of joke around with co-workers.  But when I am traveling, I am usually either meeting with clients or doing office visits and trying to build relationships.  Since many of these relationships are in their early phases, there aren't many laid back moments where I really feel like I can relax.  Instead I am always thinking about what I am going to say next, who I am going to sit with next, etc.

- Stuff piles up when you are gone.  Since my boss left, I no longer have a true back up to help with things while I am out of the office.  And while there is a lot that I can do from my blackberry/over the phone, I still need access to my laptop to really help people.  Plus no one listens to my voice message saying I am out of the office so I will sometimes comes back to multiple voice mails from a person, which then makes me feel bad because they think I am ignoring them.

- It's lonely.  This is a new phenomenon for me.  In the past, I never really felt lonely when I was traveling because the majority of my friendships were maintained over email/text/phone calls.  Now that I have a boyfriend it's different as I have grown accustomed to seeing him face-to-face multiple times a week.  So in the past it wouldn't bother me to go days upon days with out seeing anyone from my life back home, but now it does.  Plus I work erratic hours at times and when there is a time change involved, it can be hard to find a time to connect. This is something we both know we need to work on.

I think my attitude about travel will shift next year as my travel schedule SHOULD slow down (I hope).  I think if I hadn't traveled on average 3 weeks out of every month the last 3 months, I wouldn't be so burned out and tired of being on the road.  So far for January, I have trips to Charlotte and Austin planned, both of which should be a max of 2 days, which shouldn't be too bad.

So there you have it... I know travel is part of my job and I will embrace it to the best of my ability, but I do feel  like I kind of got robbed of the relaxing fall that I thought I was going to have and I am disappointed that I am not going into CFA study season feeling all that relaxed and refreshed.  But such is life - I will power through these next 5 months and focus on the freedom that awaits me come June 2nd.  And I do still have 1 week of freedom to enjoy (I start studying a week from today)!!

Now What?

In the days that have passed since the marathon, I have gotten the question, "Now What?" quite a bit.  I guess the people in my life know me well and know I always have something that I am working towards.

Except right now, I don't.  Sure, I am still running, but this is sort of my 'off season'.  I want to continue to run 2-3 days a week, with a long run on Saturday of around 6-10 miles, but running will definitely not be my focus until next June when I start training for the Chicago marathon.  I kind of hate not having a race to train for, but I know my body needs a break - and I need a less structured schedule.  So the months between now and June will be more about cross training and less about obsessively counting/analyzing the miles I run each month.  I am tossing around the idea of getting a gym membership, as I miss being able to go to classes and I'd like access to a pool...  but I could also make my condo gym work and save myself a lot of money over the coming months.  Decisions, decisions.

The next thing on the horizon for me is CFA studying.  Yes, it's almost that time of year again.  I will start studying for the 3rd and FINAL level on December 26th.  It's a bit surreal to think that I will begin studying again in just under 2 months!  I am hoping that this final study season is not as hard on me as the previous 2 were.  I have talked about the challenges of studying on my blog, and my family and closest friends have definitely gotten a sense of how hard it is on me.  Suffice it to say, it is harder than anything I've done.  Harder than my travel schedule for work.  Harder than training for a marathon.  Harder than obtaining an MBA.  I am hoping that knowing it is the last level will help with that somewhat, but I also keep thinking of the comment my former boss's wife makes about his last spring of studying.  She said, "He studied so hard, it's like he broke something."  I felt a little bit broken last spring when studying for level 2, so I know what she is talking about.  And I know I'll likely study even HARDER this time around as there is no way I am going to risk having to study for this test another year.  I NEED to be done with it!

But - it's still 2 months away.  So my focus now turns to enjoying the next 2 months as much as possible.  I want to fill those 2 months with time with friends and weekend morning spent sleeping in and lounging in bed.  I want to have more dinners with family and friends, and fill up my weekends with fun activities, like trips to the book store with my nephews.  I want to go ice skating in December and bake banana bread on a quiet Sunday afternoon.  I want to try new recipes, eat dinners at my table, and relish the fact that my table is not covered with textbooks.  I want to look at my calendar each week and enjoy the fact that I don't have study hours planned 5-6 days of the week.

Time has a way of flying by if we don't intentionally and purposely acknowledge the good things in life.  So that is what I intend to do these next 2 month.  I'm going to close with a passage from Mary Anne Radmacher's book, "Lean Forward into Your Life," which is so applicable to how I plan to spend the next 2 months:

"chance are... forever is... sitting outside my door.  Why am I doing the dishes?  Days speedily tick past.  My future, ink, pours from this pen of today, written with apparent ease.  A precious vapor disappears.  In the clearing of it I shall see that I am aged.  I shall wonder how I could have dedicated so many days to the pursuit of nonessential things.  What of all those days can I recall?  As I learn to embrace the gray and the wrinkle, I open the door to chance.  I whisper to forever, "let's now go dance and leave the dishes for later."

Is there a certain part of each year that is especially draining and difficult for you?  If so, do you fixate on that phase or focus on trying to enjoy the quieter times of life?  Truth be told, I fixate on the stress I know is coming, but this year I am trying to enjoy the blissful hear and now.

Oh Happy Day!!

I have wonderful news to share - I found out this morning that I passed my level II CFA exam!! 42% of those who took it passed - so I feel really good about being in that group! :)

The wait for the results was excruciating and, in my opinion, cruel. Others got their results emails over an hour before mine. I get that they are sending out 85,000 emails, but seriously. Take part of the $600 exam fee and buy a better server.

But all that matters is that I passed! We are celebrating with steak sandwiches (sans the bread for me) and I am relishing the feeling of sweet relief. You all know how hard I worked for this; it's such a relief to know that hard work payed off!

Thanks to all of you for the support, encouragement, and 'you can do it' comments.

Stick a Fork in Me...

I'M DONE!

It feels so so good to say that.  Exam day went fairly well.  I had some test day jitters, which is to be expected, but felt relatively calm.  Having a fun outfit to put on really helped!

I feel most confident when wearing dresses!  (disregard the dirty mirror - housekeeping was LOW on my priority list last week)

 The exam started at 9 am, after a very drawn out check-in and instruction reading process.  Thank goodness I don't struggle with test anxiety - the whole process is just a hot bed for anxiety!  The morning session felt very hard.  The CFA threw a lot of curve balls at us, and on one problem set, my calculations were not resulting in one of the possible answers.  That is an AWFUL feeling.  I kept track of the ones I was unsure of, though, and I think there is a chance I got around a 70 in the morning.  Maybe.

My lunch break didn't quite go as planned...  The restaurant took the nicoise salad off of their menu (how dare they!!).  So I went with the next best option (mussels and fries - yum!) and tried not to let it shake me.  Yes, I have my rituals, but I wasn't going to let a change in menus shake me.

Luckily the afternoon session went much better.  I felt pretty confident about most of my answers and think I may have scored close to an 80.  So hopefully when they average the 2, I will pass.  I talked to others who took the exam and they agreed that the morning was brutal and the afternoon went better...  So now I just hope I did a little better than they did in the am.

I felt really good when I walked out of the test center.  Not as good as last year when I was completely confident I had passed - but I left knowing I had done my best and work as hard as I could have (my study hours came to the total of 368.5!!).

I got to my aunt & uncle's and was greeted with chips, salsa, guac, and wine!  When my parents and brother arrived, we had a champagne toast.  I definitely felt VERY loved!  Then it was off the the restaurant for some yummy mexican food!  I had such a fun night - I got to sit by my nephews, who provided endless entertainment.  I watched in wonder as my 4 year old nephew consumed about 3 times as many chips as I did and then proclaimed, "It's a good day for chips!"  Yes, Matthew, I think that is the case everyday.  ;)

Here are a couple of iPhone photos that I snapped!

Andrew and Matthew practicing their balancing skills with the place mats!

It was Andrew's birthday on Friday so he got to wear a sombrero and we sang to him!

All in all, it was a really fun night.  I laughed a lot, had a ton of fun, and barely thought about the CFA.

I had a pretty fitful night of sleep on Saturday night as I kept thinking about exam questions and how I answered them, but hopefully I can put the over-analysis behind me.  It does no good for me to think about it - what's done is done.  I can't go back and change anything so I just have to accept that it was enough.

Pass or fail - I am ready for a break!!  And I intend to FULLY enjoy my summer!  I've got so much to look forward to between weekends at the cabin, workouts with my run club, my sister Abby's visit home, and Amber's wedding in July!

How was your weekend?

It's Go Time!

And just like that, it's the day before the exam.  You've all read along and heard me moan and complain, feel anxiety, and moments of confidence over the last 5+ months.  It's been a long 5 months, but at the same time, the last 5 months have flown by and it's kind of crazy to think I'll be sitting for this exam tomorrow.

There are so many parallels between marathon training and studying for the CFA.  Well, except the whole taper thing.  I so didn't get to taper going into this test, instead I increased my study hours in the final weeks.  But the main thing these 2 challenges have in common is that you have to trust your training.  You have to show up on test day or race day knowing that you did everything you could to prepare yourself.

The element that I am trying not to let bother me so much is the fact that this test is basically graded on a curve.  There is no 'passing score' - it's determined every year, and they usually pass about 36-40% of those who take the exam.  That was the case last year, but I knew there would be some who wouldn't adequately prepare for the exam.  This year I am up against people who passed level I, so they know what they are getting themselves into...  So approximately 40% of those who passed level I last year will pass Level II - which equals about 16%...  That's a low number.  But I can't control how prepared they are - I can only control how prepared I am.  And I couldn't be more prepared than I am, so I am trying to trust that it's enough.

The process of studying for this exam has been long and hard.  But it really will all be worth it when I do eventually earn the CFA designation.  It will do wonders for my career and my financial stability, which are important for a person in an single income household...

So here is hoping that the 7 practice tests and 350+ hours of studying I did over the last 5+ months is enough.  There are a total of 20 case studies on the exam, so they can't test you on EVERYTHING.  The cases are very tricky, though, and they definitely throw some curve balls at you.  My hope is that there are lots of intense computational problems as that is what I excel at.  And I really hope I walk out feeling as confident as I did when I left the exam last year.  But I don't know if that will happen as this level is SO much harder than the first level. Either way, I am going to try my best to put it out of my mind. 

Luckily, I'll have some help in that regards as I've got a fun Mexican meal with family to look forward to afterwards which will definitely distract me.  11 of us will be eating out, including my parents who are driving down just to join us for the post-CFA celebration!  And then I have a massage the following day!  And I'll spend the next 8 weeks catching up with all the friends and family I've neglected for the last 5 months!

Say a little prayer for me tomorrow!  I should be a free woman around 4:30 tomorrow afternoon!  Can't wait!

And PS - it's my nephew Andrew's 7th birthday today!  Doesn't seem like that long ago that he was born!!

Andrew and I! (wow, I look young)

On Rituals

Oy vey, last weekend was not my best weekend.  I did poorly on one half of a practice test and didn't do as well as I had hoped on the official CFA institute mock exam.  I scored exactly a 70%, so didn't do awful, but I was hoping to score a bit higher so I'd feel like I have a bit of a margin for error going into the exam (they don't tell you what you need to pass, but allegedly if you score 70 or above, you pass). 

So my confidence is a bit really shaken...  I know I couldn't have studied any harder than I have so I am trying to trust that it's enough to pass... 

So much of this process feels out of my control, so to give myself the sense of being a bit more in control of things, I rely on some test rituals.  So what are my rituals?

- On exam day, I will wear the same dress, cardigan, and shoes as I wore last year.  The shoes actually should be thrown away as they are not looking so great, but I am keeping them just to wear on CFA exam day.
- I'll wear the horse shoe good luck necklace my cousin gave me as a good luck gift before the exam last year.
- I'll use a pink bic mechanical pencil.
- For lunch, I'll eat at the same French restaurant, and the same meal as last year (Nicoise Salad and a fresh-squeezed lemonade).
- After the exam, the post-exam celebratory dinner will be at the same Mexican restaurant.
- On the day I get my exam results (in late July), I'll once again wear my exam day outfit, and I will give my phone to the same friend at work that watched for the email with my results to come across last year.  Having someone else watch for the email helped keep my mind off it (well, sort of). 

Yes, I realize all of this makes me sound like a complete lunatic.  And I recognize the fact that the shoes or dress I wear or the lunch I eat won't make me pass or fail.  My fate will be decided by how hard I've worked to pass... But I guess at this point, I don't really care what people think of these rituals because if it makes me feel better, it's worth it.  Also, I feel a little better/normal knowing that my cousin also has test rituals when she takes board exams for medical school.  I guess the lunacy runs in the family a bit.  ;)

Are you a superstitious person?  Are there any events in your life that require rituals?  Besides the rituals for the CFA, I have some pre-race rituals, like always eating peanut butter on toast with a banana. 

Looking Forward: The Post-CFA Edition

Happy Friday everyone, and Happy Long Weekend to my American readers!  I'm so ready for a 3 day stretch without work.  I'm sad that I won't be with my family this weekend at the lake.  Charlie turned one this week and my another nephew turns 7 next week, and it's my older sister's birthday today, so they are having their birthday celebrations this weekend.  I hate missing stuff like that.  And I am especially sad to miss out because my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew and niece that live in the Chicago area will be there.  I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving and miss them so much, but I can't go away the last weekend before the CFA.  :(  To make up for missing their visit home, I am hoping to make a trip to Chicago this summer to spend some quality time with them.

But the weekend won't be a total downer.  It feels so good to say it's my last weekend of studying!  And my aunt & uncle (aka my St. Paul parents) are having me over for dinner on Sunday night.  And I am running with my run club tomorrow.  So I will do some fun things!

With the CFA just over a week away, my thoughts are definitely set on my "Post-CFA" life.  My weekends are pretty short because of my study schedule, so there is a long list of things I have been wanting to do as soon as the test is behind me.  Here are some things I am looking forward to!

1.  Reclaiming my dining room table.  It's a total disaster.  No, really, I'm not kidding, here is a picture.

I gave up trying to tidy up this area months ago because it just get messy all over again.  It's the first thing I see when I walk into my condo, so my place never feels 'tidy'.  I can't wait to box up all of these books and have a clean, cleared off dining room table once again.

2.  Organize my closet and piano room.  Those are two areas of my condo that need some TLC.  I actually really enjoy organizing, so I am looking forward to spending a weekend afternoon doing just that!

3.  Going to the farmer's market on Saturday mornings.

4.  Having brunch or lunch with people (I'm usually unavailable from 9-5 most weekends)

5.  Playing my piano.  I thought I would play piano more as a study break, but I only gave myself a 30 minute break in the middle of the day and that time got eaten up by making/eating lunch and doing things like folding laundry.

6.  Attend all of the run club work outs. 

7.  Sleep well.  Gosh I hope this happens.  I haven't been sleeping well for the last month or so.  I'm hoping I will start sleeping better once the stress of the exam is behind me.

8.  Experiment with (time consuming) recipes.  I've continued to cook while studying, but have focused on easy, fast things. I want to spend more time in the kitchen and start playing around with some recipes for my Julia Child night that we have each fall (Coq au Vin, French Onion Soup, and Ratatouille, I am looking at you!).

9. Get rush tickets to shows at the Guthrie (a theater that is 3 blocks from my condo).  Roman Holiday starts next month and I REALLY want to see it!

What are some things you are looking forward to?

Little Moments - v2

Oh this week.  My CFA stress level is at an all time high and I am preparing to co- present at a conference in Denver (fly out today).  So, of course, this is the week the reorg gets announced at work.  I won't say much as one never knows who might read your blog.  The good news is that I will continue to report to someone in Minneapolis (so no move, thank God).  Besides that, I can't say anymore, except that I'm not pleased with the changes.  I am actually trying not to think too much about it right now because I can't handle more stress right now. 

But the little moments carry on.  It's a good thing I started this challenge because right now, I need a reminder to look for the good things in life.

2 - A 4 mile run in beautiful weather along the mighty Mississippi.

3 - Getting my weekly vanilla latte and saving 10 cents by getting the trivia of the day question right.  It's more of a pride thing than a money saving thing - but hey, every cent counts. 

4 - Enjoying wine on my patio with my dear aunt and uncle (whom I refer to as my St. Paul parents) followed by dinner at a Thai restaurant.  I had a tough day studying and seeing them really helped lift my spirits.

5 - Walking into my parents' lake home and hearing my younger nephew excitedly exclaim, "Lisa's here!".  And then he ran over and gave me a hug.  Best.  Feeling.  Ever.

6 - Catching up with a cousin that I hadn't seen in far too many months.

7 - Eating a perfectly ripe avocado - which only cost $1!  Yum!

8 - Walking into a clean condo.  My cleaning service comes every other Tuesday.  Right now, it's worth the money spent (which I feel is pretty minimal).

Have a great rest of the week, everyone! I fly out today for Denver and come back Friday.  I'm still packing 20+ hours of studying into the week, too, so to say I am busy is an understatement.

What were your little moments of the past week?

Little Moments - v. 1

And just like that, it’s May! Wow, where did the first 4 months of the year go? Well, I know where they went – they were spent studying, working, and running.

The saying goes that the days are long but the years are short – and that is so true. My days feel long, but 2012 is flying by. Through these months of studying, at times I’ve been guilty of sort of ‘wishing’ away these first 5 months of the year - which is pretty silly. I mean, when you think about it, life is pretty short.

Lately I feel like I am buzzing on a different frequency than usual. I just rush from one thing to the next.  I flip through the pages of my planner, obsessing over my study schedule, questioning whether it's enough. While I’ve maintained a more positive attitude about studying, I sort of gloss over the good things that happen to me each day.

I’ve got 94 hours of studying ahead of me in the month of May, if I follow through with my study plan (which I know I will). I don’t want May to get lost in the shuffle of the various commitments in my life. So in an effort to counteract my tendency to sort of rush through each day, I’ve decided to really focus on identifying one thing each day that makes me happy or makes me smile. I figure that by focusing on the little moments of life, this big thing I am working towards won’t swallow me whole.

To keep me on track, I will post a weekly recap of the little moments each Wednesday during the month of May. And hopefully this little project will help me appreciate the here and now instead of fixating on June 3rd when this studying is all behind me!

Only one day has passed, so this will be a short first recap!

Day 1 - Giggling over the fact that I had misread a CFA concept months ago. I thought there was a hostile takeover defense called "the white squirrel". When taking an assessment last night, I realized it was actually "the white squire." Which makes more sense as a competing defense is the "white knight defense". I got a good laugh out of it. And realize this prob only funny to me.

Are there any little moments from yesterday that stand out for you!

Weekend Mash-up

I hope you all have a great weekend!  In two words, mine was plan-free and productive.  Just what I needed after a string of busy weekends.  I feel a bit discombobulated today, so here's a dashed recap of the thoughts & happenings of my weekend.

- I ran 10 miles, mostly in the rain, on Saturday.  Running in the rain isn't pleasant, but I didn't let it hold me back.  It went fairly well, but I was definitely ready to be done!  The garmin of the girl I was running with hit the 10 mile mark .12 miles before mine did...  I think that is a pretty big difference as we ran side-by-side the whole time...  I hope my garmin isn't on its last leg...

- I've gotten to the point where I just accept that my weekends are busy and sort of exhausting.  I've accepted that I will dash from running to studying to church to making dinner to whatever else I need to do each weekend.  I did well on the section assessments I took this past weekend, so I am feeling good about my progress.  Just under 5 weeks until test day! 

- I've also accepted the fact that I probably won't sleep well until after the CFA.  Like this weekend I was awake at 4:30 on Saturday even though my alarm wasn't going off until 5:45.  I feel relatively calm about the CFA stuff, but I think I'm more stressed than I think I am, and it's manifesting itself in my inability to sleep deeply and for as many hours as I'd like.

- Despite the weekend full of studying, I made 2 recipes this weekend:  a GF/DF Tuna Casserole recipe (I know that will disgust many/most of you, but it's comfort food for me), and Pasta Puttanesca! Oh yum, the puttanesca turned out awesome.  I rarely make pasta sauces from scratch, but really need to more often as they are so easy and SO delicious!  I'm looking forward to eating the leftovers this week.  

- Today would have been my paternal Grandfather's Birthday.  He passed 3+ years ago, and I miss him so much.  I might need to eat some ice cream for him today.  He was all about ice cream and thought you were never too full for a scoop.

How was your weekend?  What's on your mind today?

Hitting the Wall

As I mentioned in my post on Monday, I have been in quite the funk lately.  I don't think that will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me well.  Between recovering from my surgery, managing the stress of potential (but yet to be announced) changes at work, and most of all, studying for the CFA, it's been a tough couple of months for me.

There is this concept of "hitting a wall" when you run a marathon - it usually happens around mile 20.  The physiological explanation is that your body runs out of glycogen and has to burn fat (which is an extremely inefficient source of energy) to keep you going.  Your legs feel heavy and you just kind of want the race to be over.  But most runners don't quit.  They power through because, dangit, you've ran 20 miles.  You can do 6.2.

The last month, I have hit a metaphorical wall when it comes to studying.  I am exhausted.  I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and after June 2nd, I'll get my free time back, but right now I am worn out and stressed out.

But this is where past marathon training experiences come into play and help give me perspective.  I think back on the two marathons I've ran and remember times when I felt defeated.  Beat up.  Tired.  But I pushed through those walls I hit in the past, just as I am pushing through the wall I have hit lately.

This is not intended to be a "woe is me, I want your sympathy" post.  I know I signed up for this - no one forced me to pursue the CFA designation.  This is me saying - it is really freaking hard, and I am really tired.  And I have a short fuse.  And I hate it when people ask what is new because the only response I can come up with is whatever section of the CFA books I am tackling that week.  And gah - I don't really like the person I am most days because I am so moody and over-sensitive and prone to tears.  

But this too shall pass.  I know this.  This funk I am in is situational and temporary.  And it's already starting to get a little better, thanks to the nice weather we've had lately.  I know that the clouds will part on June 2nd and I'll fall back in love with my life in Minneapolis, just like I did last year.  In the mean time, I'm trying to stay focused and positive.

Bittersweet, Whirlwind Trip

Happy Friday everyone!  Yesterday was actually my Friday at work.  I have a wedding tonight in Fargo, ND so I decided to drive home last night and am using today as a study day, so it's not really a "day off" per se, but I'll take what I can get. 

I am taking a study break to have lunch with my grandma today, though, and am really looking forward to that.  It will be a bit of a bittersweet experience as she is moving into an apartment in about 2 weeks.  My grandparents lived in this home for their entire marriage (I think?  Or close - so 60+ years).  He passed away 3 years ago and the time has come for her to move.  I know this is a very positive change for her as this house is so big and a lot for her to care for, but it's weird to think it's my last meal that I will likely eat in their home...  a home which holds so many memories.  But I feel blessed to have made so many countless memories with my grandparents.  And those memories will always exist, regardless of who occupies that home in the future.

The day will end on a positive note as I will watch a college friend get married.  We were the last 2 single ones in our group, and lived parallel lives in our late 20s as we both went through tough break ups within days of each other back in 2008.  We exchanged 100s of emails and both continuously told the other person that there IS someone out there for each of us - well, he has found that person, and I am so very happy for him. 

I will head back early on Saturday morning as the CFA studying beckons...  So it will be a bittersweet, whirlwind trip, but one I am looking forward to.  I am going to try to soak up the limited time I will have with my parents as it is likely the last time I will see them until after my CFA exam in June.  But at least that point I will be able to join them at their beautiful lake home! 

Running...

Greetings and happy Tuesday - I hope you all had a great weekend!  Especially those of you who had Monday off!  The financial markets were closed, but it's not a holiday at my company, so I was one of the few who came into work (seemed like it would be a waste of a vacation day if I had taken it off).  My weekend was both productive and restful - just what I needed.

So I haven't talked much about running on the blog lately.  Honestly, it's been falling pretty low on the list of priorities.  Between recovering from surgery, traveling from work, and trying to keep up with the CFA studying, I don't feel like I have a whole lot of time to run.  I have still been making time for runs, but it's mostly been 3-4 mile runs, so nothing substantial.

I do want to get back to the point where I am running 6-8 miles on the weekend, but I am just not there yet.  I had signed up for a half marathon in March that I wanted to run with Raquelita, but I think I would risk injuring myself if I tried to ramp up my mileage and do a 1/2 in just over 3 weeks...  So I am going to email the race director and see if I can do the 7k instead of the 1/2.  I am bummed that I won't run the distance I intended. but I also have to realize I have a lot on my plate right now and can't do it all.

So for now, my goal is to keep running 3 times/wk and biking 2 times/wk.  My run club resumes on 2/29 and while I will probably only attend 1 weeknight work out and the weekend run, I know it will help me get back on track.  I've learned that, for me, it's just not possible to balance work, studying, and training.  So this will just be a 'running maintenance' phase for me. 

Once this test is behind me, though, running will once again be the focus of my free time.  I know I am doing a fall marathon - I just can not for the life of me decide which one!!  I know I will have to travel for a marathon because I will be at Nora's wedding (so excited!) the weekend of the Twin Cities marathon.  I could do the DC marathon at the end of October or I could run the Raleigh marathon with John's wife.  The issue I am having is that I look at my medical bills and then I feel really guilty spending money on a destination marathon when the money spent on that plane ticket (which likely won't be cheap) could be applied to student loans or my mortgage.  But it's either travel for a marathon or don't run one at all, and I do really want to do a marathon this fall.

So I will continue to mull it over.  I think it's funny that I know which marathon I am doing in 2013 (Chicago) but can not for the life of me make a decision about this fall!  I am usually a very very decisive person so this wavering back and forth is so out of character for me!

Would you consider yourself a decisive person or do you struggle to make decisions?  Also, for all you runners out there, what are you race plans for 2012?  Any fall marathons?

Weekend Whimsy

Confession:  when I am in CFA study mode, I kind of get a little down on the weekend.  Yes, it is nice to have a break from work, but my weekends don't 'feel' like weekends during CFA study season as I spend the bulk of each day studying. 

This study season is going better than last year's did, but it's still challenging.  So to dodge the weekend blues, I'm trying to focus on the small things I can do each weekend to make them a little bit more fun and restorative.  I want to find whimsy in the small things.

This weekend will be brightened by the following...

- Tonight, I am meeting up with Marisa!  She recently moved here from Des Moines and I can't wait to show her my favorite spots!  I might start by introducing her to cucumber margaritas - that's my drink of choice as it's so delicious and refreshing!  I earned a drink because this is my first night off from studying in 8 DAYS!!!  And Marisa got a job!  So we have lots to celebrate!

- Tomorrow night I get to catch up with this lovely lady.  I am so thankful for google video chatting!

Amber & I in Seattle in fall of 2010

 - On Saturday night, I will try out this recipe for fish tacos.  Mmmm...

- Lastly, tomorrow I should finish the first half of the CFA materials.  I am ahead of schedule, which is good because that means I can use the following week to go back and review some of the areas I am struggling with.

What are you looking forward to this weekend?