On Big Unexpected Life Changes

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

 

 

This well-known quote resonates with me after my experience in Charlotte last week.  You see, I had all these plans.  I thought I'd be in this condo (that I love) for a couple more years.  I'd spend every holiday with my family.  I'd make countless memories at my parents lake home, and would introduce my boyfriend to life at the lake. I'd train for countless marathons with a running club I love. 

 

Well - those plans and dreams all came to a crashing halt last week when I got unexpectedly pulled into a conference room on my trip to Charlotte and was told that my job and department is being moved to Charlotte and that I have 2 weeks to decide and 2-3 months to complete the move. 

 

To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I sat there - in a group of men who all took the news oh so stoically - and I damn near hyperventilated.  My body shook and tears silently poured down my face as so many thoughts and questions went through my mind.  

 

As those of you have who have read my blog for years know, I have worked really hard over the past couple of years to create this life I loved.  I felt like I had really hit my stride and can honestly say there really isn't much I was looking to change in my life.  I genuinely love and adore Minneapolis.  And now this bomb has been dropped on me.  Yes, I can try to find something else, but let's be honest here.  The economoy is still hurting, and my industry is doing particularly horrible because when interest rates are low, we do not make much money.  In fact, most of our competitors are cutting jobs - not adding them. 

 

This whole situation would be different if they were asking me to move to cities like Chicago, San Francisco, Boston, Manhattan, Philadelphia, or Seattle.  No offense to those who love or live in Charlotte, but I do not care for the city.  In my opinion, it's a great place to live if you like a suburban lifestyle (I don't at all) or like mild weather (I don't mind winter and like snow at Christmas).  The downtown (well they call it "Uptown") is a far cry from what I am accustomed to in Minneapolis where there is an awesome grocery store, Target, Banana Republic, Barnes & Noble, etc.  Charlotte has none of those things, and clears out each evening once everyone goes home to return to their suburban lifestyles.  And - it's not a city for running (in my opinion).  Sure, the weather is mild and accomodating, but it does not make the top 10 list of cities to run in like Minneapolis does. I walk out my door and have access to miles upon miles of running trails along lakes and rivers.  Charlotte?  Has no water (except for a lake in - you guessed it - suburbia).   

 

But I really can't control where they asked me to move and no matter how much I cry, kick, scream, moan, and complain, reality does not change - I will likely have to move to Charlotte.

 

I have so many things running through my mind.  Big things like how often will I see my family?  What will happen to my relationship?  Is the short amount of time we've had together enough for us to turn our relationship into a long distance one, and one with no end date in mind of when we might be reunited?   Will I be able to afford to come back for the multiple weddings I have this fall, the Chicago marathon, Julia Child Night, and the holidays?  Will I make friends?  Will the stress of a cross-country move jeopardize my chances of passing the CFA exam?

 

And then there are smaller things like - will I be able to find an apartment that my furniture (like my large dining room table and beautiful piano) will fit in?  Will I find a running club I like nearly as much as the one I have here?  How will the hot/humid summer impact my marathon training?  Will I find a church I like?  Should I change my CFA test center to Charlotte?  What about all of my pre- and post-test rituals I've established here in Minneapolis? 

 

I recognize that things could be worse.  At least I still have a job - that is better than having my position eliminated.  But right now, I think I deserve to be upset/sad/mad/confused/scared.  I think I have the right to cry.  I know that eventually I will have to put this pity party behind me and try to be more positive, but right now, it feels like my whole world has been turned upside down in the blink of an eye.

I don't really want this blog space to become a vortex of negativity and moping.  So I am going to take a little break from blogging as I work through some of these emotions and commit my free time to researching my options and getting a better handle on what a cross-country move requires.  Luckily the relocation package is generous and they try to make it as easy for you as possible, but it's still going to be a lot of work. 

So if you pray, please say a prayer for me.  If you don't, keep me in your thoughts as this is a really difficult time for me.  

Finding Calm Amidst the Chaos

Greetings and happy Wednesday everyone!  I am back from my trip to Charlotte.  It was a great trip, but as always, it felt good to return home.  Honestly, my life feels extremely chaotic right now, mostly due to all of the traveling I am doing for work.  In fact, last week I woke up during the night and a) I wasn't sure where I was, and b) I had to think hard to figure out what day it was...  My apartment is spotless these days, the fridge is empty, and it looks un-lived in because I am not around to mess it up!  I like the spotless part, but would love for my fridge to magically fill up with meals to bring to work for lunch!

I knew this crazy time was coming, but I will say the amount of traveling I am doing is even more than what I expected as a result of my previous boss leaving.  But now is my time to shine at work and prove that I can handle whatever it is that they throw at me.  So I am trying to keep a smile on my face, which is challenging at times - like when I found out I do have to take ANOTHER licensing exam for work (by Nov 30th) or that I have to go to Charlotte the Wednesday-Friday of the week of my marathon.  I was not happy about that.  It's not the end of the world, but work trips are exhausting and I want to go into race day feeling rested and ready to perform, so that is going to be a bit tricky.

It's only natural for us all to have seasons of our life that are so busy and test us.  I feel this way during CFA study season for different reasons, but going through 2 study seasons has helped me handle these chaotic seasons of life.   So here are some things that I do to find calm amidst the chaos.

1.  Make time to attend weekly mass.  No matter what is going on in my life, I make time to go to mass on Saturday night or Sunday.  I am not super open about my faith on here, but I am a practicing Catholic
 and going to mass really seems to center me and I always walk away with a sense of peace.

2.  Reading for pleasure.  I sometimes feel like I should be reading articles for work or reviewing my slides for a presentation when flying for work, but I give myself permission to read a novel for pleasure.  Reading is such an escape for me, and it makes the plane rides fly by.  As you will see, I have read  A LOT of books this month and that has helped me stay sane.  I make sure to read for pleasure when I am studying for the CFA, too, as I need the lighter reading to offset the intense study materials!

3.  Exercise.  This is tough to fit in when I am traveling so much as the days get long, but I try to keep up with my runs and I try to get out of the office and take a walk to grab lunch at noon.  Feeling the sun on my skin and breathing fresh air sort of 'resets' me during the day and gives me some energy to tackle the second half of the day.  And the endorphins from running really seem to help me stay more calm!

4.  Make time to talk to my parents or a friend.  Honestly, I hate talking on the phone.  But my parents don't live near me, so unless I pick up the phone, I'm not going to hear their voices.  I try to check in with them once a week, especially during really busy phases of my life as it lightens my mood and calms me to hear their voice.  My dad called me out of the blue when I was at the airport on the way back from Chicago just to see how I was feeling and to let me know he was thinking of me, and that call meant SO much to me.  I need to be the one initiating those calls, too!

5.  Cook.  This is one area of my life that has really suffered as a result of all the traveling since most of my travels require me to leave on Sunday.  But when I do have a free weekend evening to myself, I try to make something delicious that will yield leftovers for the week.  For whatever reasons, the act of chopping up veggies and other ingredients is so soothing for me and I just love being the kitchen!  

So that is what I do to say sane.  I am also trying to remind myself that I wanted a fast-paced, challenging career, so I can not complain because I am getting what I asked for.  Sometimes I feel like I am juggling the "balls" of work, running, being a friend/daughter/sister/aunt whilst walking a tight rope, and I am dangerously close to dropping one of those balls, but I just try to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

What do you do to find calmness during chaotic times?