I was on a podcast!

I've mentioned before that I have been a long-time listener of Best of Both Worlds (BOBW), hosted by Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger. I've actually listened to every podcast, which is pretty rare for me! The podcast is about being a working parents getting the most out of work and family/fun time. 

I was a guest on the podcast this week (click here to listen)! I never thought I'd be a guest on a podcast, especially one that is as popular as BOBW. But i commented this spring and said I'd be happy to share my experience of returning to work if they thought it might be helpful for other listeners - and I was thrilled when Laura reached out to schedule a time to talk. 

I was pretty open about my struggles with my return to work after I had Paul, so long-time readers of this blog might recall that season of my life. The cliff notes version is that I had a surprisingly hard time returning to work after having Paul. I loved my career before having Paul, but found that I really missed him when I returned to work. I debated whether I was meant to be a working mom but those feelings eventually improved/dissipated around when Paul turned 10 months. Now I can say with certainty that I am meant to be a working mom so I am glad I didn't make any rash decisions. 

I think I would have benefited from hearing from a woman who went through something similar when I was struggling, so hopefully someone else will benefit from hearing about my experience. I didn't think I would be able to listen to the episode because I loathe the sound of my voice, but I managed to listen and think it went pretty well overall! I've read several of Laura's books so it was really cool to have a chance to talk to her!

If you listen, let me know what you think! 

Mother's Day Weekend 2020

How are you all doing? Everyone staying sane and healthy? I'm staying healthy and mostly sane. I won't lie - all this social distancing/isolation is definitely getting to me, even as a hard core introvert. But I keep telling myself that eventually, this will pass. Will life ever go back to "normal"? Who knows. I don't think it will be normalish in large cities until we have a vaccination, honestly, and that could be a long ways off! Time will tell!

But back to Mother's Day weekend. Here's a photo of Pablito on Friday morning before he headed to daycare. After a bit of a tough adjustment period, he is back to enjoying daycare. On Saturday and Sunday he asked if he was going to school. He now runs into school instead of crying at drop-off, so that's a relief. They have a big park/playground structure at school so I am sure that is the #1 thing he enjoys about being back at school! I am so glad he was back in daycare last week because I was so slammed with work. I don't know how I would have kept up with work and watching Paul, especially on the days when Phil was in the office (3 days last week). So it's definitely better for everyone for Paul to be back at school.

Ignore the paint swatches in the background. I thought we'd be getting our interior walls painted this spring. But then COVID happened. 

One other highlight of the weekend was getting an actual workstation set up for myself. When Paul was home with me, I would sit on the couch with my laptop so I could keep a close eye on him. A friend gave me an extra monitor he had laying around and I ordered a monitor stand last week. This set up is so much better, especially since I do a lot of heavy excel work. I'm waiting for the OK from upper management to go into my office to grab my keyboard and docking station. I have a special keyboard at work since I use something called "Bloomberg." Hopefully I get the Ok this week to grab those items. Then I will really be set!

We had some cool days last weekend, but Saturday was nicer so I went for a long hour walk with Paul. I really love seeing all the flowering bushes and trees! We walked to the lake and then back along a creek. That walk took us past the playground we used to go to all the time. Paul was sad that we could not go there. He asks to go to the park on nearly every walk. :(

On Sunday, Paul gave us the best gift and slept in until 7:30! We facetimed with Phil's mom that morning and later that morning I grabbed a coffee at Starbucks (they have curbside pick up) and then had a Zoom call with my parents and 4 siblings at 10:30. After that, Phil went to get take out from my favorite place and I talked on the phone with my grandma, who is almost 97, during that time. I didn't take a picture, but we both enjoyed arepas (corn-based biscuit type of bread) with roasted pork with yucca fries on the side. It was soooo good! I took Paul for a shorter walk but it wasn't super pleasant as it was pretty windy and cold. He took a pretty good nap and I read in bed/dozed off during his nap.

That evening, I made Spanish Tortilla for dinner with the rest of our leftover ham from Easter. Phil's mom makes this - she learned how to make it after visiting Phil in Spain when he was studying abroad in college. It's a dish made of potatoes, eggs, and ham. I took a picture after we had flipped it once. The finish product did not look so great, though. We couldn't get it to stay together when we slid it out of the pan onto a plate. I guess my egg to potato ratio was off, but oh well. It tasted good which is all that matters!

And that was Mother's Day weekend! I wish we could have seen our moms, but such is life right now. I'm glad we have things like Zoom and FaceTime to get us through this period of isolation!

How was your Mother's Day Weekend?

Mother's Day Weekend

I had a really nice Mother's Day weekend! After a cold, rainy week it was great to see the sun shine! Here's a photo-heavy recap!

On Friday afternoon when I picked up Paul, his teachers had a Mother's Day gift for me, which was so cute! They also gave me a long-stem red rose! So thoughtful! We just love Paul's daycare so so much!

When we got home, I put Paul in the stroller and went for a quick run. I forgot my Fitbit on my charger at work so it felt a little weird to not be able to track my steps and workouts over the weekend but oh well! Sometimes it's good not be so focused on steps and calorie estimations!

When we got home we played for a bit and then I said, "where's daddy?" and Paul crawled over the front door. He loves to look out the storm door. When Phil gets off the bus he gets so excited. He waves and flaps his arms. It's pretty cute!

As you can see from this photo, he doesn't need much support to stand but he refuses to stand on his own. He try to work with him on standing and taking steps but he just squats down to sit when we try to work on it. But oh well. I guess he has to do it when he's ready. Phil walked at 15 months so I think Paul will probably walk around the same time.

I was up bright and early at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. I laid in bed until 5:50 before giving up on falling back asleep. I hate it when my body does that! I was thinking I would get some time to read and enjoy my coffee, but Paul was up at 6 so we had breakfast together and played.

Reading his "Good Morning Baby" book. I love how much he loves books!

Then it was off to swimming lessons. He took a nice long nap after swimming lessons and we headed out for a walk after lunch with a stop at the park. Phil was out for a run but met us at the park on the way back from his run. He ran with the stroller on the way back and I ran sans stroller. Phil is super fast so running with the stroller sort of handicaps him to my pace. ;)

During Paul's afternoon nap, I went to my garden to install my fence. It's my least favorite garden-related chore but important to do since we have so many rabbits in our neighborhood. I will plant my garden later this week.

I thought I would maybe sleep in on Sunday morning but I was wide awake before Paul was up so I decided to get up with him when he woke up at 6:20. After breakfast, we headed out for a walk.

Always has his ankles crossed

It was a beautiful morning! Paul ditched his mitten pretty quickly as it wasn't quite as cold as I thought it would be. When we got back, Paul took a very short nap and was super crabby when he woke up. The only thing that helped turn his mood around was a snack of crackers.

Ankles crossed, again!

My MIL, Joan, came down for lunch around 11. Phil grilled asparagus and brats and I roasted some potatoes. After lunch we drove to the park so Joan could witness all the giggles from swinging and going down the slide. Then we went for ice cream. I did not bring my phone with so don't have any pictures!

When we got back, Paul went down for a nap and I went upstairs to read and ended up having a nap, too. Paul slept for almost 2 hours which was great! After his nap, we went outside to blow bubbles and play with his little scooter. Several neighbors came over to see him. There aren't any young babies on our block so Paul is quite the hit with the neighbors!

Working on his bike skills

While Phil fed Paul dinner, I made an enchilada skillet for Phil and me. We both thought it was 'just ok' and needed more spices.  It came together very quickly, though, so I think it might be a good fit for us if I tweak the spices a bit and add a jalapeno or something.

We ended the night by watching an episode of Longmire, which is a show we've slowly been working out way through this spring. I headed up to bed around 8:30 to finish the latest Inspector Gamache novel - now I have to wait until August for her new release!

It was a wonderful Mother's Day weekend full of family time, good good, and good weather!

How was your weekend?

Thoughts on Motherhood

This weekend, I get to celebrate my 2nd Mother's Day. Last year I was still in the newborn haze so while it was a special day, I was getting up several times a night, worrying about Paul's slow weight gain, and still trying to find my groove as a mother. This year, there will be no middle-of-the-night wake-ups - well, besides getting up to go to the bathroom (side note: I can never make it through the night without getting up to go to the bathroom!). I imagine that Phil will get up with Paul in the morning so I can sleep in. My MIL will come down for lunch and hopefully the weather will cooperate so Phil can grill. Later in the day, we will go on a family walk to the park as that is my favorite thing to do as a family on the weekends. Ideally, I'd like to fit a run in, probably during one of Paul's nap. It should be a simple, but really nice family day.

My breakfast buddy

Since I'm away from Paul so much during the week, I'm not craving alone time these days, aside from going for runs. What I do need more of is simple, family days. I recently stumbled across a post by a pychologist who is also a mom. Her thoughts really resonated with me:

Truth was, I rarely ever engaged in any activity that didn’t involve goals of some kind. I had goals concerning how I wanted to bring up my kids and how I wanted my career to evolve. I had goals relating to mundane tasks, like challenging myself to precisely time my trips to the grocery store to maximize efficiency. Even the seemingly frivolous things I did had goals attached. Like TV watching, for instance, when I endeavored to complete the entire series of 30 Rock before it left Netflix. 

There was always satisfaction after achieving these goals, but there was also fatigue. And more recently, the realization that I was so caught up in meeting my goals, I was not savoring—or even paying attention to—anything I was doing along the way. 

This is my life right now, in a nut shell. I've always been a goal/task-oriented person. I love lists and love the feeling of crossing things off my list. But, more often than not these days, I feel a sense of fatigue. Most of the fatigue relates to trying to achieve maximum efficiency. Our weekday mornings and evenings are so rushed and chaotic. Mornings are rushed because Phil and Paul leave the house at 6:50 and I leave shortly thereafter. So I have to get myself ready and get Paul dressed/fed by 6:45. I've found a pretty good rhythm so our mornings have gotten a bit better but there isn't much wiggle room and I sometimes feel like a drill sergeant who is rushing her son to hurry up and finish his muffin and milk! There isn't a solution to this - Phil and I both need to be at work by 7:30 am (I've been getting to work around 7:15 lately so I can leave at 3:45 on quieter days - more on that below). I am sure with time we'll get more and more used to our morning routine but it's just not "fun."

I love his little 'flyaway' hair that is sticking up in this photo!

Our weekday evenings are a bit less rushed, but still not quite relaxing. I've started to leave work at 3:45 pm on days when it's quiet to give myself an extra 30 minutes with Paul. We get home around 4:30-4:45 instead of 5-5:15 which makes a big difference. That gives us time to go for a walk and not feel super rushed when we get back. Paul goes to bed around 6:30 so getting home 30 minutes early makes our evenings much less rushed and more enjoyable.

Because our mornings/evenings are pretty rushed 5 out of 7 days of the week, a good amount of mental energy is spent trying to streamline our morning/evening routines - especially getting food on the table for Paul, Phil and me. I feel like I'm often multi-tasking or we are dividing and conquering. For example, Phil feeds Paul while I get started on our dinner or make a big batch of oatmeal or muffins for Paul so I have something to eat for breakfast during the week (on Wednesday, I prepped our instant pot dinner, made a batch of oatmeal, and made Paul's muffins while Phil fed Paul). That's why Paul's meals need to be super simple because I just don't have the time to make something complicated for him with the limited time I have on week nights.

He loves to 'cheers.' Clearly setting a good example by cheersing his water with mom's champagne!

I realize this is all a first world problem. I am very fortunate to have this problem to solve because countless women would give anything to have a child. I am super grateful for Paul but I can be grateful and fatigued at the same time. I also realize that we are in a temporary stage of life with Paul. Eventually he will go to bed later and our evening routine will change and be a bit more relaxed.

In the meantime, my solution is to set aside more weekends for simple, family days. Days where the only thing on the 'to do' list is to go for walks to the park and enjoy meals that I'm not rushing to prepare. I've been better about not over-committing and over-planning our weekends and this is something I need to continue to do.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there - especially my mom, Marlys! Whether or not you are a mom, what do you need more of in your life right now?