Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Treadmill of Life

I've been trying to focus on the happy things in my life lately. I truly think that life is all about perspective - so if you focus on the positive, you will feel more happy and have a better outlook on life.

But I also believe in being honest on this blog.

So here's the truth on how I have been feeling lately. I love my life and find it very fulfilling. But sometimes it feels like a lot to keep up with. An excerpt of the lyrics of "Whisper" by A Fine Frenzy (great artist, check her out if you haven't already!) really sums up how I've been feeling lately.

running the race
like a mouse in a cage
getting nowhere, but I’m trying
forging ahead
but I’m stuck in the bed
that I made,
so I’m lying

eager to please,
trying to be what they need
but I’m so very tired
I’ve stopped trying to find
any peace in my mind
‘cause it tangles the wires

Most days I feel like I am going along on the treadmill of life, running at a comfortable pace of about 6.5 miles per hour; but then, out of the blue, someone comes along and cranks the speed up to 8+ mph. As a result, I'm gasping for air and trying to figure out how to slow the treadmill back down to a sustainable pace.

Right now I'm trying my best to do it all - succeed at work, connect with friends, reach out to family, maintain my running mileage, etc. But sometimes it just seems like a lot for one person to keep up with and it's inevitable that I am going to disappoint someone and, in turn, feel disappointed in myself.

At this point, I don't really have a solution. Eventually I'll get the balancing act down and figure out how to adjust to my schedule.

In the mean time, I am trying to be a little bit more patient and a lot less hard on myself. It's easier said than done, but it's something I am working on.


I'maNolaGirl said...

Oh no, Lisa. You sound stressed! I think at the end of each day you should take a look over the list of things that make you happy and ask youself if you have made time for one of those things that day. I know it sounds like just one more thing on a to do list, but if they make you happy, they're worth checking off. And just know that each and every day there will be a moment that will truly bring you joy.

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

I know how you feel... everything is extremely overwhelming but I truly believe the most important thing to do is make yourself happy first. I know that what will make you happiest is to be able to do it all but we have to weed out the things that are less important and focus on what's most important to happiness!
Hang in there!

Abby said...

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way! Even though you are getting adjusted to your new job, and feeling more and more condident daily - I am sure it is still a great deal of pressure! And I imagine it will take time until you feel like the "tredmill is set at the right pace"!

You are doing so great to be mindfully focusing on the positive. That is sometimes a very difficult step for people to make!

I can see you are under a great deal of stress right now, so nothing I say will neccessarily "make it better" or "fix it". But know that I am so extremely proud of you, and seriously look up to you every single day!

Anonymous said...

Ugh, I know the feeling. I've rather felt like this a lot lately. Trying to deal with everything in my personal life has left me feeling... stressed and vacant. I haven't reached to out to as many friends as I should lately. My gym workouts aren't were they should be. I'm working hard but still don't feel like I'm getting it all accomplished.

One thing that makes me super happy though? Blogging and all my friendships I've made through it! It's kind of getting me through right now, right, wrong or indifferent.

Wish we could chat over a cup of tea and make ourselves feel better!

Unknown said...

Bless you, my dear. Let me know if I can help. I will be right there!

Little Fish said...

I think everyone can relate to what you're feeling right now. Of course all of us looking at you from the outside see what a great and successful person you are, but, right now, if you can't see it that's OK. Your family and friends (real and blog) will do the believing for you until you're ready to do it for yourself again.

Kyla Roma said...

Oof oof oof oof oof. This. This is why I'm going to Vancouver tomorrow, for the past few months I've been trying to slow down, invest in myself and not so much in everyone else in my life. I've been trying to just relax some time and take some time.

And it cannot make it happen.

It's so frustrating. So I'm just literally pulling myself out of the city lol

I hope you can find a way to get your feet underneath you. And if you need a get away, I'm 8 hours north of you =)

Mama Nastase said...

Lisa, I relate to this so much! There is almost nothing as disappointing as when you let yourself down. (In your mind, you're letting other people down, but in reality, it's YOUR expectation of what other's expect or want that is not being met.

It's ok to lower your expectations for yourself, even if it's just for a little while, til things slow down. You've got to live with yourself for a loooong time; give yourself a break and remember that you're only human!


Amber said...

Aww no kidding you feel this way with your hardcore work schedule, running and hanging onto a social life. It's HARD.

I definitely bit off more than I could chew this semester. I made it through, yes, but man am I burnt out. I wake up every morning and all I want to do is go back to sleep. But I also have a three week vacation coming up that is going to be just what I need to recharge my battery.

I wish you could take a vacation :-( I'm sure the few days that you have off over Christmas will help A TON. Make sure you sleep in a bit :)

Lauren @ Sassy Molassy said...

Hang in there, Lisa! It happens. I definitely feel you. Things should naturally slow down a bit after Jan. 1.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lisa,

I'm sorry to hear how you feel as of late; that really really sucks.

I often feel like this as well; and the thing that gets me through is knowing that I have to take care of myself and sometimes let the other things, like worrying what everyone thinks of me, take a back seat.

Take care of yourself; be gentle with yourself. Pamper yourself-- you deserve it. (And listen to Abby & Ryan-- someone thinks the world of you, that's easy to see!!)

Lisa-Marie said...

Lisa my dear, you have to give yourself a break. Relistically, with youe schedule, you can see people mabye one night a wee and on weekends. You hae to make you happy, and then other people.

Also, most people go through this at some point. remember what I was ike last year? You'll get the balance my dear, but you might need to put less pressure on yourself! x

Leigh said...

Hope things start to settle down for you soon. I can understand the stress of a new job and learning everything that comes with it, while still having the energy to get out and do stuff after work.

Just remember to stay happy and smile everyday!

Kelly said...

I think we all definitely know how you feel and how frustrating it can be. I think this is a hard time of the year, coupled with the new job (well relatively new) thats a lot to manage!
Try to worry about yourself first (I know thats hard because obviously you are not a selfish person). There are going to be times when you just don't want to deal with everyone and thats okay. I've mentioned on my blog that is it my goal to stop feeling guilty when I can't do something for someone (or I COULD but it would make me crazy). I'm trying my hardest to meet this goal and it's hard but when I do it, it's really worth it.

Nicole said...

I know exactly how you feel. Just remember to take it once step at a time. And don't get off the treadmill or Jillian will yell at you. Um... I've been watching too much Biggest Loser.

Anais said...

You have so much on your plate, so it's totally understandable that you would feel that way. I know that you can do this, and when things end up calming down, you will be so much stronger :) Don't give up!!

Becky said...

Hang in there! (Love A Fine Frenzy)