Well, my first month in Charlotte has come and gone. It wasn't my best month, but it went fairly fast. When I drive around to Target or church or wherever, I still keep thinking, "I can't believe I live here..." I have not been out and about all that much, mostly because wearing the boot makes it difficult to walk around much (and I am not supposed to walk around much so my foot can heal) and even driving is a pain since it's my right foot that is injured so I have to change into a different driving brace, then change back into the boot when I get to where I am going. And it is all just a hassle. So I have been a bit of a recluse this month. That WILL change after the CFA exam, and hopefully by getting out more, my attitude towards Charlotte will shift as well.
I think the best way to sum up my first month is to share the good, the bad, and the ugly side of my first month here...
The good...
- I like working on the trading floor here. There is a tangible buzz and I enjoy being part of a team. When my former boss left the company last August, I went from being part of a partnership to being a bit of an island. It is nice to have co-workers to bounce ideas off and it is nice to have colleagues who are willing to read/edit articles I write.
- I have been traveling less. Most of my trips this year were to Charlotte so now that I am living here, my travel has been reduced significantly, which is a good thing as traveling during CFA study season is VERY difficult. I will be traveling more after the test but it will be much more manageable and not an every week kind of things like it was in Feb/March.
- I found a church that I really like which reminds me a lot of my favorite church in the Minneapolis area. They have a Theology on the Vine (i.e. learn more about the Catholic faith over wine) social event for young adults so I am going to check this out after the CFA exam.
The bad...
- It's lonely. I knew it would be, but it's still hard. I have a couple of friends, but it's different to go from having so many friends, I couldn't see them as often as I'd like to having, well, about 2 friends. I miss Phil. I miss making dinner for him and playing cribbage; I miss his hugs. I miss coffee dates and lunch dates with friends. Moving to a new city alone at the age of 32 when everyone else around your age is settled in their lives makes moving and making new friends particularly difficult.
- There are way too few coffee shops. No really. I'm not kidding. My latte Friday tradition has died because it would honestly take me an extra half hour to walk to a coffee shop. There is one coffee shop by work but they don't serve vanilla lattes (what in the what?). I guess I am saving myself $5/week, but it still bums me out. Allegedly a Starbucks will be opening in the lobby of my building. I really hope this happens.
- I have had to cancel trips I had planned - like my trip to Oregon for my friend Lauren's wedding. Now that I have to budget for plane tickets home, I just couldn't do a big vacation this year. I am SO bummed. :(
The ugly...
- The company I work for acquired another large company during the financial crisis (some may say we saved this other company). I went from living in the land of the acquirer to living in the land of the acquiree. I know mergers/acquisition are not equitable to all parties involved. People lose jobs and business practices are changed. Now I get to hear all about how awful my employer is. It's not fun and while I am listening to the airing of grievances, I try to kindly remind the person that I am currently living in a city I never would have choose to live in as a result of that acquisition, so it hasn't exactly been all sunshine and rainbows for employees of the acquirer either.
- I've cried. A lot. Sometimes for reasons related to the move, sometimes because of things happening to people I care about back home, sometimes for really no reason at all. But to be clear - I am not depressed. And I personally think crying is healthy. Most of the things bringing me down in life are situational, 'this, too, shall pass' kind of scenarios, so things will get better eventually. I think having the stress of the CFA behind me and being able to do cardio again will help as I have so much stress right now and no outlets for it.
So there you have it! Here's hoping that as the month pass, each month gets a little bit better.
22 comments:
Sigh. So wish I could just pick you up, and move you to Boston haha. Well, fine I'd move you back home if I could REALLY do that. I'd be your one friend and introduce you to lots of coffee shops!
I'm glad there has been SOME good, and that you really do have a healthy attitude about the whole thing. Crying is okay :) Love you!
I still sometimes look around and think "I can't believe I live here" and we've been in Pittsburgh for almost two years! So I know exactly how you feel. It's hard when things are different, even when different isn't necessarily "bad" or "good" it's just...different. But hang in there, and keep telling yourself it's not forever! I'm sending you a big virtual hug!!
Your "goods" are some really good goods - finding a good home church & liking where you work. And YAY for less travel! That has to be nice. :)
I think things will start looking up once the CFA is over. It'll be summer & you'll hopefully feel a little more settled in Charlotte & can run again! Just have to make it through this month.
I am so glad you wrote this blog! It is good that you can cry as it is healing! I'm sure things will improve when you can ditch the boot, get back to running, and meet more people to hang out with! I love the idea of Theology on the Vine! For you it's better than Theology on Tap that they used to have, right? I think wine is more to your liking! I hope you will meet some great people there! Soon and very soon the CFA will be history! That will be a major improvement in your life!
I hope your foot heals soon so that you don't have to do a changing boot situation when you got out/drive! Sounds like a pain in the arse for sure.
How in the world are there not more coffee shops? That seems bizarre to me.
Crying is totally healthy. I don't think I cry enough, as weird as that sounds.
Here's hoping this month and the month after and the month after are much improved! xo
Whew! You have accomplished so much in one month. I would like to see your work environment as it sounds very interesting. I am proud of your constant efforts to make your challenges positive. Take care of yourself! I am excited to show you my latest knitting projects when you get here!
I think you are handling everything extremely well. I hope next month, after the test and post boot, things will be better. And you are one month down on your year!
Crying is incredibly healthy. Gets toxins out and can help you just let go and heal. So, cry away. You have every good reason to.
And I'm glad there has been good with the bad and the ugly. Probably most of that could be remedied by friends and relationships -- not that you wouldn't still miss the MPLS group and Phil but there would be good distractions. So that's a real plus.
It's amazing how time has passed, just a month. And next month will come quickly, CFA will be over and your foot healed. I have a feeling your mood will lift tremendously after that. I hope so. Just remember the good!
The goods you mentioned are really good! I have faith things will continue to improve, and at least time is going by fast! Definitely agree with crying being a good thing sometimes.. that's something I've learned in the past couple of years.
Finding a good church helps a lot. a whole lot. and the lonely thing?
yea, I get that. When I moved from greenville to raleigh it was only a 4 hour drive away and I was incredibly lonely. My brother was a mile away, and my parents were only 6 miles away. I moved to Raleigh because I had more friends there and plenty of work, but it took 8 months to get the wife and kids up there with me. So I was incredibly lonely and cried about it more than i would ever publicly admit. I saw the friends every now and then. I skyped the wife every day. but it's not the same. It took me about 3 months to make my own friends up here and not feel lonely anymore.
you will get there. People in the south are incredibly friendly, and you will learn to accept it soon enough. Get all zen about it. nothing is good, nothing is bad but it's all right here in front of you.
Lisa--what a great summary. Sounds like there's some good--how awesome about the church and I hope the Theology on the Vine is a good option! Sounds like the move continues to be an eye-opener on many levels and perhaps a perspective shifter--not that we always want that perspective shift, sigh! I hope that after the exam, you'll be able to make more connections too--any potential friends via your coworkers? And I thought the same thing about coffee shops in the south :) Ironically the closest coffee shop to us was 45 minutes away until a year later they brought in a Starbucks, but they could never make the drinks right.... You'll get really good at making coffee at home (& saving money!) this way. :) Perhaps you could buy an espresso maker? I always use a stove top espresso maker and add creamer--fairly latte-ish. Give it a try? Sending you a big, big hug and positive vibes gal! You'll (we'll) make it through all this!
Paying for trips home is one of the worst things about living away from home. Especially since you want to be home for the holidays and that's when flights are even more expensive. I definitely wish I could take more trips home, and take more trips in general. But with over $1,000 on plane flights for the two of us for one trip, it's a lot harder than I want it to be.
Sorry to hear you've cried a lot and that you are lonely :-( But I'm glad there are some "goods" in there too. Speaking of coffee shops - my city has no free-standing Starbucks! The only Starbucks we have are inside of Safeways or Chapters.
So here's the thing - I feel like slowly but surely, the good are starting to equal the bad. Hopefully soon they will be unequal - in favor of the good! Although a coffee shop that doesn't serve vanilla lattes gets is the biggest conundrum ever.
Hopefully it will go up from here, I'm sure the first month was really tough! Your injury added to that I'm sure. I used to work for a small company that was acquired by a large company, the period of the acquisition was really strange and there have been lots of pluses and minuses along the way.
I like the idea of doing a "good, bad and ugly" post every once in a while. Don't we all have those kinds of things going on in our lives? Hmmmm ... you're giving me ideas. =)
Anyway, as I've told you before, I think you're figuring out your own way to handle a really tough situation that has been compounded multiple times. This CFA exam is such a critical point in time for you - I really do hope life becomes more enjoyable after that, even if you never grow to love Charlotte.
I am really happy you found a church and it sounds like a fun group they have. Def worth checking out. Bummer on the coffee shops. You need to get yourself a french press. But... at least the yummy crepe place makes up for the lack of coffee shops. Looking forward to exploring your new city in Aug!
High fives for the good and hugs for the bad and ugly.
I can't wait to share with my bff about theology on the vine ha.
A coffee shop that doesn't make lattes??! I think they're in the wrong biz. I hope Starbucks opens up soon for your sake!
Hang in there! I know it sounds cliche but it does get easier! The first month is the worst. But you will start to meet new people and it will be a lot better. I have used meetup.com a lot, for running groups, book clubs and activities. You just have to put yourself out there, which is hard, but once you do, it usually pays off! Good luck and I know that once the CFA is over, things will start to look up!
Oh I don't think I realized that about the whole acquisition being the cause for a lot of the stuff happening at work. That sucks people won't quit complaining about it!! I am happy that overall you like your work environment though!
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