Thursday, September 10, 2009

Full Circle

Good morning and Happy Thursday to you all.

I guess you could say that I am still flying high from my news that I shared last week. I know it is just a job, but starting this job really makes me feel like my life has come 'full circle'. I feel like I am on top of the world. I was just chatting with my dear aunt Betty at my Grandpa's sale last week and I expressed how I happy I am with my life these days. I love the city I live in. I found a job that I am excited about and it's something that I know will challenge me - which is so important. I have a great group of friends and a super supportive family.

Really, what more could a girl ask for?

Well, not long ago, I would have told you that my life was never going to be fulfilling until I found my Mr. Right. I'm not saying I am giving up on that - I still hope he is out there. Sometimes I picture him in my mind. He's wearing horn-rimmed glasses, reading a book penned by Hemingway. He embraces my dorky/nerdy side and likes to wander around bookstores with me on date night. He holds my hand when we are driving and opens my car door for me.

Now I am not silly enough to think that my vision of this future Mister is going to match the reality, but it's fun to think about what he could be like.

But I don't feel like I am 'waiting' for someone anymore. For the longest time I felt like I would never be happy until I found my 'other half'. I thought the kind of happiness I feel now was reserved for those that were part of a couple.

It has taken me awhile to get to this place though, and this journey to a happier me has not been an easy one. I think back on those month after Ryan and I broke up, and the person I was then is virtually unrecognizable compared to the woman I am today. I was completely broken and such a mess. I am so thankful for the friends and family that helped me through those dark months. Especially my mom - she was on the receiving end of a lot of tearful conversations and always reassured me that I would get it through it. And I am so thankful for her patience and positive attitude.

Let me be explicit here, though - I do not in any way blame Ryan for those dark and empty months. I think I would have gone through a period like that in my life regardless of whether or not I dated him. I needed to face down some ghosts and figure out who I am and what makes me tick. That relationship ending was just a catalyst for that process.

Anyways, I share this with you for a couple of reason. First, it is always therapeutic for me to write about these experiences. There is something about putting words to emotions and experiences that make them more real and tangible. Second, I share them because I know we are all at different points along our path to happiness; the journey along this path is not always linear. I know there might be a day where I am feeling a little glum, and on those kind of days, I'll pull this entry up and remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for.

The way I feel is best summed up by the refrain of "More," a Tyrone Wells song (his most recent CD rocks, by the way).

I'm alive,
I don't wanna die,
I don't wanna waste another day,
Or night,
I know there's something more,
Than what we're living for,
I see it in the stars,
I feel it on the shores,
I know there's something,
I know there's something more.

Ok, your turn. Are there any periods of your life, either happy or sad, that stand out as a particularly formative time?

6 comments:

Becky said...

I love this post! I love it when you can see things like this, and I'm so happy you're in such a better place now! The relationship I had before my husband was not good, not really healthy and getting out of it was probably the hardest thing I've had to do, but if I hadn't I wouldn't be with my (now) husband and I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Abby and Ryan said...

Lisa, I don't know how to put into words how happy this post makes me feel! I truly see your happiness, and you have a glow about you. That glow is happiness, confidence, and grace--and I couldn't be more happy for you! So glad you are finding your place you need to be!--You have made a great life for yourself, and things will only get better!

Now for your question:

Probably one of my biggest life-turning events was shortly after I moved to AZ. Things weren't panning out like I expected--and I had to grow up reallllly fast. It truly changed the person I am, and I am very happy looking back that I did it!

aimee said...

i'm so happy that you feel like your life has come "full circle!" i'm also happy that you don't feel like you need to be in a relationship to be happy and feel fulfilled. there is no doubt in my mind that someday your mr. right will come and sweep you off your feet and you will be so happy that you waited for him!

i think the past year of my life has been the most formative..first, getting sick and then going to guatemala. i have gone through a lot of crappy experiences over the last year but i have grown so much as a person and in my relationship with god. looking back at this time last year when i started getting sick, i felt horrible and didn't even have the motivation to get out of bed. i've come a long way since then and now things are really starting to unfold as to what my future is going to be like. i'm so happy for what i went through, even though it was not all that fun at the time!!

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

This is so great that your life has come Full Circle and you're happier than ever! I think going through dark months like that is almost necessary so we can realize how lucky we are with our lives when things are good!

crystal said...

First off, thanks for sharing this intimate post with us! I fully believe that it is those difficult times that make us who we are, so kudos for getting through it and coming out a better and stronger person!
ps: I just found out about Tyrone Wells and I love him :) Im so glad you commented on the cd, Im gonna find a cheap used version on amazon!

Kelly said...

I love this post too! Don't say it's "only a job"- we spent more time at work than most anything else, you gotta be excited about it! (although sometimes we are not, but if you can be, it's great!). Plus I think you have a lot to be proud of in general. I think most people find the perfect other half just about the time they stop waiting, so I have a good feeling about you!

Plus I just gave you a blog award, come check it out haha.