Friday, May 16, 2014

I Made It

When the world is breaking down around you
Taking everything that you know
What you didn't know
Is that we can go forever
If we want to we can live
Inside of a moment
The one that we own

Here I am on the eve of the day I will depart Charlotte.  I did it - I made it through my year+ of living in a place I didn't want to live.  Have you ever had an experience where you listen to an artist's album and feel like it was written for you?  That has been my experience when listening to Ingrid Michaelson's newest album, Lights Out, which I highly recommend.  Even though my mom isn't going to know a single song so probably won't enjoy listening to it as much as I will, that will be the first album we listen to on our way out of Charlotte.  I'm sprinkling lyrics from the song "Afterlife" throughout this post as they speak so well of how I feel as I prepare to leave Charlotte.

We are
We are going to be alright
We got
We got we always got the fight in us
We are
We are
We are going to live tonight
Like there's no tomorrow
'Cause we're the afterlife

I know it sounds melodramatic to say this, but there were times during this year in Charlotte where I really wondered if I was going to be alright.  It was a year of me treading water in a rough ocean, thinking, "for the love of God, would someone just throw me a life jacket."  I think it was particularly frustrating for my parents and close friends because they saw me struggling but they couldn't do anything to make it stop.  I've been on the other of this and know how hard it is to watch someone struggle and to feel unable to help them.

Living like you're dying
Isn't living at all
Give me your cold hands
Put them on my hearti
Raise a glass to everyone
Who thinks they'll never make it through
This life
To live a brand new start

The past 4 weeks have been healing for me.  I've let go of some of the sense of heaviness that I've been carrying around since last January when I found out about my move.  I feel happier, lighter, more free (for the most part... My frustration with my car accident has set me back a bit on the 'calm' front).  But I know that fully healing from this year of struggles, from my health issues to living in Charlotte to other challenges in my personal life, will not happen over night.  Or in 6 weeks.  Or maybe not even in a year. 

We are
We are going to be alright
We got
We got we always got the fight in us
We are
We are
We are going to live tonight
Like there's no tomorrow
'Cause we're the afterlife

Right now I want to metaphorically box up the experiences of the past year and put them behind a closed door, and lock that door.  I want to put them behind me and focus on the good times ahead of me.  I think one day I will want or need to take that box of memories and experiences out of that locked room and sort through them in order to completely move on from this year, but now is not the time for that. 

Every time I close my eyes
I hear your favorite song
Telling me not run
Not to worry anymore
I can't hold on tight
To nothing better than the rest
So it's now
Or never more

There will be nothing bittersweet about tonight, my last night in Charlotte.  Sure there are things I will miss about North Carolina, like the mountains, hiking, and the friends I've made here, but for the most part, I am just so happy and thankful that I get to close out this chapter of my life and start a new one. 

If it was legal to consume champagne while driving, my mom and I would be toasting as we pull away from Charlotte, but toasting our lattes/coffees will have to suffice.  So if you hear a faint shout of joy around 8 am EST tomorrow morning, that's the exclamation of joy I'll be making when Charlotte is in my rear view mirror.

Here's to new beginnings in a city I love!! 


Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

So So happy for you!!!

Becky said...

Yay!!! Have a safe trip!!!

Stephany said...

So happy for you! I'm so happy things have turned out SO WELL after the terrible year in Charlotte you had. You deserve all this, and I hope the drive goes smoothly!

Emilie said...

You know how they say that a big race is just the victory lap? That the weeks and months of training are the real challenge because no one is cheering you on? I think that applies here. This is your victory lap - you made it! You should be so proud of yourself for making it through this year. I don't think I could have done it. Enjoy your victory lap! Safe travels, can't wait for you to get home!

Abby said...

I absolutely LOVE THIS POST!!!! I've been waitin for this post for a year ;). You are right - I felt so helpless this year. And just wanted to make things better - but didn't know how.

I am so excited this is behind you, and you get to begin your new journey!

*cheersing my latte to you!*

Jeanie said...

You are on your way! As I write this, you are probably an hour or so out of Charlotte, headed home sweet home! I'm proud of you, Lisa. Proud you made it, didn't give in, slogged on through despite all the challenges. You deserve what is to come. Enjoy the journey.

Nora said...

I full expect to hear the shout tomorrow morning. you know how happy I am for you. Safe trip and travels and can't wait to have you back in the Midwest :) xoxoxo

Lauren @ Sassy Molassy said...

Haha... if it were legal to consume champagne while driving. You're hilarious. Well, have some champagne when you get back to Minneapolis! I hope your road trip goes well and you two have lots of fun conversations and moments. You have gone through and overcome a lot while in Charlotte. So glad your foot is on the mend and you're back to running!

Leigh said...

Cheers to a new beginning for you! Hope the drive goes well :)

Elizabeth said...

So happy that this new adventure and the end to the last year is behind you! Sounds like everything is coming together fairly nicely. Sorry about the accident! But here's to better and new things to come :) Much love to you travels and enjoy the moments of the trip with your mom :)

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

It has absolutely been difficult to watch you struggle over the past 18 months. But, the Lisa I see today is so much stronger and knows herself so much better than the Lisa of January 2013. And, while I wouldn't wish anyone to experience what you've been through during that time, I think in the end, it may very well be a defining moment in your life. That said, so very happy and relieved you've made it to this point where you get to move onto the next chapter in your life! Safe travels, friend!!!

Marlys said...

I am just wrapping up my office work and thought I'd quick take a peak at your blog before I hit the road to Mpls to board the plane to Charlotte! It's much more enjoyable to be going there as compared to last March when I accompanied you to find an apartment! That was a tough trip so I am so excited about the return! I know your heart is dancing!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

Gosh, I am just so happy for you. This post my heart just about burst and I was almost in tear, which would have been interesting considering I have 28 10 year olds reading right now and they would probably be worried about their teacher!!
It was really hard to "watch" you go through this. You are the last person that would ever deserve this, and I am so sorry it happened! BUT! You made it through and you're stronger because of it (you've gotta be!). I'm SO glad you will be back in the good ol' Midwest where you belong!! Love you friend!! :)

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

I hope you enjoy your trip with your mom.

Caroline said...

Woohoo!! I hope you guys had a great trip!!

Amber said...

Just so happy for you. All the good things that have come your way the last five weeks (minus the car accident of course) are SO deserved. You are a tough cookie for getting through all the last year has thrown at you. Hopefully, at the very least, now when other crap comes your way you can remember what you have already survived and that will give you some comfort.