It's hard to believe that we've hit the 2-year anniversary of the start of the pandemic. The start of the pandemic feels like a lifetime ago. I mean, so much has happened since March of 2020 considering we have a 15-month old now! The Mom Hour podcast recently did a 2-part episode about pandemic babies - the first was focused on the babies; the second was focused on the mom. In these episodes, they share the experiences of the moms on their contributor team who have had babies in the last years. I highly recommend it, especially if you've had a baby in the last 2 years!
As a way to memorialize my experience of having a child during the pandemic, I thought I would share my answers to the questions they asked. As a reminder, I got pregnant in March 2020, so my entire pregnancy took place during the pandemic. Will was born in December 2020 when our covid numbers were at their worst in our community. This past winter our numbers were higher than Nov/Dec 2020, but deaths were lower since 70+% of our state is vaccinated. So Will was born during the absolute worst stage of the pandemic here in Minnesota.
Baby-focused questions:
How was the first year of life different?
The biggest difference was how few people he met for the first months of life. My parents were here when he was born but they were the only people he met for the first 3 months of life. Friends and family would drop off food/gifts and we'd introduce him through our glass storm door, but that's as close as he got to others until family and friends were vaccinated. Because it's so cold here in the winter, introducing him outdoors just wasn't possible! He met my MIL in mid-March 2021 when she was 3 weeks past her 2nd dose of the vaccine. Once more friends and family were vaccinated, we started to introduce him to more people.
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| Introducing Will to a friend through our storm door. |
But besides that, his first year of life was not all that different from Paul's.
How is his temperament different?
This is one of those questions that is kind of impossible to answer. He does have a very strong case of stranger danger and will only willingly go to me, Phil and his daycare teachers. Is this due to his personality or because we saw fewer people during the pandemic? We'll never know. I mentioned his stranger danger to his pediatrician at his 15-month appointment and she said it is completely normal and developmentally appropriate and that it will improve with time.
Favorite memory of your pandemic baby's first year?
Introducing Will to Paul was very special. No visitors were allowed in the hospital due to covid, so Paul met Will when we got home from the hospital. He was so very excited!
It was very exciting to introduce him to family and friends as case rates dropped and family and friends were vaccinated.
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| First photo with the grandparents - which he was not happy to take!! |
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| Meeting his nanas for the first time - he met my mom when he was 2 days old and my MIL at 3.5 months |
I think I will also always remember walking around Hyvee with him after I got my first dose of the vaccine!
What will you tell your pandemic baby some day?
I am sure we will explain what the pandemic is and hopefully it's the only one we have to explain to him. We'll tell him how careful we were in an effort to minimize our chances of getting covid.
Mom-focused questions:
What felt too hard/really hard?
I personally found being pregnant during the pandemic much harder than having a baby during the pandemic. A few "really hard" things come to mind to me.
First off, I had to go to the 8-week ultrasound appointment alone due to covid protocols. We found out I had miscarried our last pregnancy (the previous October) at the 8-week ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. So I had a lot of anxiety going into the 8-week ultrasound for this pregnancy and so wished that Phil could have been there with me. I was able to facetime him into the appointment, but it's not the same as having your husband there to hold your hand. The ultrasound tech was the same person that did our last ultrasound for the pregnancy that we lost. She was so great and said she would tell me the instant she saw a heartbeat - and luckily she saw a strong heartbeat right away.
The other aspect that was really hard was communicating the precautions we were taking to keep me and the baby safe to others that viewed the pandemic differently than we did. I get anxious and my heart kind of races all over again just thinking about the fall of 2020 and how difficult it was. I ended up seeing a therapist that fall which was very helpful. Phil and I were always on the same page about how we handled things and he was a great source of strength and a good shoulder to cry on.
Were their silver linings?
Phil and I actually did not mind having visitors in the early weeks of Will's life. Phil's motto for visiting a family with a newborn is to "drop off some food and get the heck out of there!" So not having to juggle visitors was not the worst thing but we still were on the receiving end of lots and lots of meals - which is the best gift you can give new parents! Those early weeks are exhausting and it was my first time breastfeeding a baby (I pumped for Paul since he could never figure out nursing) so it was nice to have complete privacy and focus on adjusting to being a family of 4. I was happy when I could introduce Will to more family and friends but appreciated those quiet early weeks.
Also, I don't know that we would have gotten away with a 2-night stay after a C-section if not for covid. Our care team was totally on board with getting us out of the hospital asap, especially since it was my 2nd c-section. I had a 7-night stay when we had Paul for a variety of reasons so we were THRILLED to leave after 2 nights.
Lastly, I appreciated being able to WFH for all of my pregnancy and the first 15 months of Will's life. I could wear pregnancy leggings every day since no one sees your lower half on zoom! And not having to pump in the office was AMAZING! Lastly, the return to work was so much more gentle when WFH. I'm back to work 3/days week now, but I am glad that I can still WFH 2 days/week. Prior to covid, my company was NOT open to WFH. You could do it occasionally if you had an appt or something, but you couldn't consistently work from home. They have changed their view on WFH and I have the pandemic to thank for that! Phil also is able to WFH as much as he'd like - which for him tends to be 1-2 days/week.
What did you miss out on or have to grieve?
Overall, I didn't really miss out on much since it was our second baby. I think having your first baby during a pandemic would have been harder since it was harder to do things like have a baby shower.
What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself 2 year ago?
7 comments:
I have to admit I have been so out of touch considering what it has been like for people experiencing pregnancy and newborn life during a pandemic. Thanks for highlighting your experience.
My best friend had similar timing with her pregnancy and delivered in October 2020 when things were really locked down in our part of Canada. We were still able to do lots of things outside together (walking etc) and our friendship long pre-dated the pandemic. But, I know she mentioned how different it has been to meet other people with similar-aged children. Playgroups, library story hours etc - all those common meeting grounds have been shut down. I met so many current friends via those exact outlets when my kiddos were in the baby stage.
I also think this applies to kids just starting school which is another time new parent-to-parent relationships are forged. Our school is a walking school with a lot of play before and after school where parents tend to mingle and linger and adult AND kid relationships are forged. And ALL of that has been gone during the pandemic. Aside from parents I already knew, when Levi started kindergarten I didn't meet any parents of kids in his class. This was, admittedly, fine for me because I had lots of established relationships, but my heart ached for parents who were just entering our school system (either because of moving, or because it was just their first child starting school) and how different everything was in the middle of a pandemic.
There are so many ripple impacts from the pandemic that are hard to suss out, but I suspect parents have been more impacted than we realize, especially as it relates to socializing.
A very thought-provoking post. So glad things are opening up and we're all hoping for smooth transitions toward fewer restrictions while balancing the risk of COVID resurgence! Our schools are going to optional masks on Monday - the first time since our mask mandate went into effect in August 2020!
This is really interesting, Lisa. Cam was born before the pandemic but it would be interesting to now how Molly reacted to these questions. I have great admiration for anyone with little ones at any time of the year. It's a tough job! But I'm in awe of people like you who had two, worked from home, actually had your second DURING the pandemic. I bow down. I have no idea how you managed.
Slightly similar experience with having Adeline during flu season of Oct 2019 and then right about the time I was about to rejoin the world, covid happened. It took her awhile to go to people, probably longer than Isla because Isla was in daycare at 3 1/2 months but she is a chatterbox to complete stranger type of child now. And Isla is not ha. I do know that Adeline watches far more tv than Isla did at this age, and I am okay with that cuz good lord the winter is long.
What an interesting perspective you have. I mean, your WHOLE pregnancy was COVID and pre-vaccine COVID at that. I was super interested to hear that you thought it was a perk to get out of the hospital so soon and that you enjoyed the quiet time together figuring out how to be a family of four. I'm glad it wasn't all being scared and worried!
Since I don't really know what it is like to have a baby not during a pandemic, I guess to me it seems kind of similar. I mean, I would only assume that for the first few months you would not really go out much anyway, but maybe I am wrong. I do think that you were incredibly lucky to be WFH! It is almost like the Canadian maternity leave... okay maybe not quite, but not having to pump at the office or be away from the baby too early is probably a blessing!
I am glad that you see the benefits of it; I also see that with some other things. Not that I would wish it upon the world, but some things HAVE improved with COVID speeding up or changing otherwise slow processes. I really enjoy all of the outdoor parklets and shut down streets that we have now! Sometimes it takes a big bad event to make positive changes.
This is such an interesting post! It seems like there were some benefits of having a baby during a pandemic (not having to worry about guests, getting out of the hospital sooner) but also lots of downsides, especially not having Phil at your appointments and dealing with other people's opinions on how you choose to isolate with a newborn.
When my friend's baby was going through cancer treatment, we talked a lot about how different it is to have a baby going through something like this during a pandemic. Olive had to be admitted to the hospital during each chemo cycle (3-5 days, longer if she didn't clear protocols) and only one parent could be with them, so her and her husband lived a good portion of those 8 months apart. He had to be on facetime when they gave her the cancer diagnosis because, of course, only one parent was able to be in the ER at a time. And they were basically locked in her room for most of the visit, which was the most tiring for Mikaela - imagine being in a small room with a toddler who just wants to play and explore! They couldn't escape to roam around the hospital or a children's area - it was all locked down. Anyway, there are just so many ways this pandemic has affected healthcare procedures in so many different ways!
This was so interesting to read. I have often thought about friends like you who were pregnant and had babies during the pandemic because it must have been such a weird experience. I can imagine that especially going to the doctor's appointments alone must have felt terrible. I am glad there were also some silver linings to the experience.
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