Taco at 3.5

I’m a little overdue in capturing who Taco is at 3.5 but better late than never! I recognize that these posts might be boring for others but it’s been a great way to capture my boys’ childhoods. I often go back and read them because the details can be very foggy but they are likely a snooze for others.

Taco continues to be our big-hearted snuggly little guy with BIG FEELINGS who gives the absolute best hugs. He needs so many hugs and kisses and squeezes before he leaves the house with Phil on the days I don’t do drop off. He is my stage 5 clinger that just can’t get close enough. He's the kid that will stroke my skin while I sing bedtime songs to him in the rocking chair. Can anyone say Oedipus complex? ;) 

Growth: He weighs about 33 pounds so is just a few pounds lighter than Paul. He mostly wears size 3T but definitely has a slim waist so needs elastic waist bands or the shorts will fall off. He has a very long torso so wears some 4T tops.

Likes:

- He is still obsessed with Mickey. He wears a Mickey shirt almost daily and has 2 different Mickey stuffies that he sleeps with.

Wearing one of Mickey shirts while playing with Mickey toys. He would prefer to only wear Mickey shirts.

- Popsicles are his favorite summer treat but he also loves ice cream. 

Note that he is wearing a Mickey shirt in this photo. I had to buy 3 Mickey shirts for the summer.

- He loves going to Starbucks for a cake pop. I love this tradition, too, as I get a latte typically.

- He is very into his stuffies. He sleeps with so many different stuffed animals. He also likes to take his stuffies places. 

Bear enjoyed a stroller ride to Starbucks.

Showing sock monkey the costumed geese

- He has gotten very into Paw Patrol lately. Chase and Marshall are his favorite pups. 

- He is very into pretend play which is a delight to observe.

Chef Taco at your service!

Dislikes:

- He still hates mornings. 

Eating: He’s a pretty good eater overall. He definitely eats way more things than Paul does. His favorite foods are yogurt, cottage cheese, Mac and cheese, Dino-shaped chicken, and pizza. He also loves all kinds of fruit but especially loves apples and blueberries. 

School: He has been happy at his daycare and has made some good friends. We love everything about his daycare EXCEPT THAT THEY HAVE A SANDBOX WHICH IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. We are not a daily bath family since the boys are prone to eczema and we are, well, kind of lazy but frequent baths are necessary since Taco basically rolls around in the sand like a dog, it seems. He loves to take his shoes off in the car and dump the sand out so we've learned to empty the sand from his shoes before he gets in the car. Phil and I joke about what dollar amount we would pay the daycare to remove the sandbox.

His daycare is a lot more play based which I feel is best at this age. Let them play and enjoy life - there will be a time for more academic focus when they are older in my opinion. His teachers are working on letter recognition with him but he just doesn’t seem to have any interest. We try at home too but he has a ‘shoulder shrug emoji’ attitude when we work on letter recognition. Paul was so interested in letters and numbers at this age but I am telling myself that each kid is different and he’ll take interest eventually. We are planning to enroll him at the school-based pre-K program in the fall of 2025 so we figure that program will probably be more academic focused and hopefully by then he'll have more interest in learning his letters. He's definitely more drawn to numbers, though, which isn't surprising given his finance nerd parents. He can count to 20 in English and Spanish and loves to count things. 

Potty training: He potty trained in April and it was pretty easy all in all. We waited until it was clear that he was ready so he took to it very fast! It is wonderful to be done with diapers! 

Sleep: He dropped his nap in June when he started to get up way too early and also fight bedtime. I miss his nap but bedtime is so much easier now and he's not waking before 6 anymore. Once he dropped his nap we got rid of his crib. We were able to pass it along to another family on the block that had a baby this spring so that worked out well. Taco is currently sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor but we orderedg him a bed with a trundle bed that will arrive this weekend. We did the same ‘mattress on the floor’ transition for Paul, too, and it seems to work well. Taco of course has Mickey bedding! 

Brother relationship: The boys mostly play pretty well together but there is of course some fighting over toys. They also like to wrestle which is not my favorite thing because someone always seems to end up crying. 

Bath time shenanigans. Bath time is LOUD. I often get a loud environment notification on my apple watch.

They loved going to Frog and Toad!

My 2 water babies!

It's kind of hard to believe that Taco is over 3.5 years old now but at the same time we also feel like we've felt every day of those 3.5 years if that makes sense? Time is weird. Most of my friends have much older kids and often tell me how I will miss these years. People told me I'd miss the baby years, too, though, and I honestly do not miss that stage. I enjoyed it for what it was and soaked up lots of cuddling and rocking of babies, but was nothing but happy when our kids exited that stage. But I seem to be fairly immune to nostalgia for whatever reason so time will tell if I miss the toddler stage. 

I do feel as though things are getting a little bit easier as Taco approaches age 4, though. So I'm soaking up his cuddles and desire to be as close to me as humanly possible while also recognizing that I seem to be best suited for parenting elementary-aged kiddos. 

Kid Activities + Complicated Feelings About Sports

School is starting soon so the topic of "kid activities" is on the brain for me. Currently the boys just have gymnastics on Saturday mornings which is focused on gross motor development. It's been good for both of them as gross motor skills don't seem to come super naturally to either of them - probably because of me. 

You see, I am incredibly unathletic, at least in terms of how "athletic" was defined when I was a child. I run and strength train, but I am terrible at sports. I didn't find the sport of running until after I graduated from college. Because I grew up in a very rural area (population of 500, graduating class of 28), my sport options were softball in the summer, basketball in the fall, volleyball in the winter, and track and field in the spring. I was required to try all of these sports when I was young so I did t-ball/softball when I was in early elementary, basketball in 5th and 6th grade, volleyball in 7th and 8th grade, and track and field from grades 7-9. I also took swimming lessons and loved them but those lessons were about acquiring a life skill.

I know my parents wanted me to be healthy and active and to try new things. But to be honest, my involvement in sports was actually worse for my self esteem. I was terrible at all sports involving balls, and was just not great at the distances available to me in track and field (I think I would have loved cross country but that wasn't an option at my small school). And it is so very, very apparent when you are worse than your peers at sports. The only basket I made in basketball was FOR THE OTHER TEAM when I was in 5th grade. It was a completely different story for my husband who is very naturally athletic. He excelled at baseball and was a pitcher, is an excellent golfer, and I think he was probably always kind of "front of the pack" in terms of other sports he tried. I was so glad when I was able to put sports involvement behind me and could focus on things I had an affinity for, like speech, drama, band, choir, piano, math competitions, etc. I was a very busy, involved kid - but not on the sports front. Although I was the student manager for the girls basketball team and was a statistician for boys basketball and football. So I was "involved" but in a way that suited my talents. I don't fault my parents for encouraging me to participate in sports. It's good to try new things and they definitely were supportive of me focusing on activities that were a better fit.

As my kids start to try activities, I am watching closely to make sure they are having a positive experience in the activity. Paul tried soccer this summer and I kept asking - "are you having fun?" I don't know that he touched the ball in any of the 3-on-3 games they played but he was engaged and seemed to be having fun, so we'll do this soccer program again next year. But I'm going to keep asking if he is having fun. Of course there is a fine line to walk between making sure your kid perseveres/not letting them quit too soon and accepting that the activity is not the right one for them... I just don't want them to experience the hit to self esteem that I did when participating in sports. 

What I've thought about when reflecting on my childhood is - what if being talented in math was held to the same standard as talent in sports/athletics ? Imagine a kid who struggles with math but keeps having to do things like public math problems and fails over and over and over? And yet, doing this public math was really important and valued so even though you are terrible at it and you kept publicly failing, the idea is that you keep doing it. I was good at math so having math held to the same standard/level of importance as sports would have been amazing for me. And yes, I recognize that math is a major area of focus in schools but it seems like we kind of accept that some kids struggle with math whereas everyone is supposed to like participating in sports. Bottom line, I don't want my kids' self-esteem to take a regular and consistent hit just for the sake of having them in activities that many kids enjoy. Luckily my boys will have access to WAY more options since we live in a major metropolitan area. And Phil and I are both active people (I run and strength train, Phil swims, runs, golfs and strength trains) so we'll always model having an active lifestyle. 

As we figure out the right mix of activities, I'm aiming to expose my boys to lots of different things to make sure they find something they love like I love running. Paul is going to check out Karate this fall as we feel like it will help with building confidence and discipline and - most importantly - he's interested in giving it a try. I'm also hoping to get him in swimming lessons... in the summer of 2021 he refused to get in the pool (it was the first time he was old enough for classes without a parent and we'd had a long gap from mom/baby classes during the pandemic) so we've been hesitant to re-enroll him but we are doing a trial lesson tomorrow. He'll continue to go to gymnastics on Saturdays and he is enrolled in a Spanish language program 2 days a week that is part of his after school program. So it should shake out to Karate on Mondays (we're starting him later this fall after he's adjusted to school starting), Spanish on Tues/Thur (at his school so this doesn't add any drop-offs/parent involvement - he would be there anyways so I don't know that this really counts as an activity from a bandwidth/scheduling perspective), gymnastics on Saturday morning and then maybe swimming lessons on Sunday.

Maybe one of my boys will get more of Phil's genetics and be the sportiest person ever - there's probably a 50/50 chance! I'm just keeping an open mind about what their activity participation will look like as they get older. 

Were you an athletic kid? Does any one else have complicated feelings about the emphasis that is put on sports?

Mexication Recap

Pour yourself a cup of tea or coffee, and settle in for our trip recap! It's a little long but I wanted to document our wonderful vacation so I can look back on this!

We are back from a wonderful 4-night stay in Mexico! We had the absolute best time away and I am so glad we did this. Neither of us really felt a sense of anticipation for the trip. Thanks to covid, it's hard to really look forward to things because there is always a chance that someone will get covid and a trip won't happen. But the stars aligned and everyone stayed healthy!! My body was clearly very ready for a vacation because I got a flare in my right hand the Saturday before the trip. I am not too surprised I got a flare - the pace of life has been really hectic leading up to this trip and the trip to Chicago the week before was so jam-packed. Flares are sadly my body's way of say - 'hey, remember that you have a chronic illness.' I still have the flare a week later despite taking steroids so it's a nasty one. (Flares are when a joint swells up in your body - it's the main symptom of rheumatoid arthritis.)

Before having kids, Phil and I liked to be out and about while we are traveling - our vacations featured tons of hiking and exploring. But we needed something far different from this trip. We just wanted to relax and, honestly, sleep! So Mexico was perfect for us. We stayed at the same resort we went to last time - Valentin Imperial in the Riviera Maya area, just south of Cancun. We really like this resort because the buildings are really spread out so it doesn't feel like this super huge resort. And the beach is amazing there. 

Monday 

Monday was a travel day. I thought we might get to the resort mid-afternoon since we landed around 1, but customs in Cancun was INSANE. It was the longest wait I've had outside of my return to LAX from Australia when I was studying abroad. Several flights must have landed at the same time or something. And they routed flights to different queues. But what REALLY irked this enneagram 1 is that some people in the flight that landed after us cut in our line! So by the time we got to the resort it, was around 4pm. We dropped our bags in our room, grabbed a snack from a restaurant and walked on the beach before grabbing dinner later that night. 

Phil HATES taking posed photos but I was able to convince him to take some pictures on this trip so we could send them to my mom to show the kids!

Tuesday

It was pretty windy while we were in Cancun but the weather was gorgeous - in the 80s and sunny. The humidity felt amazing on our dry Minnesota skin. Even though I could have slept as late as I wanted to, I was up at 6:30 that day, which was actually 5:30 am Minnesota time. I guess I am programmed to be up early. But I felt very rested since I wasn't woken during the night. The boys don't wake us at night all that often, but when you are programmed to listen for kids in the night, it takes away from the restfulness of sleep. 

Enjoying a morning latte on the beach!

I watched the sun rise that day! 

This was the view from the hammock on our patio - we couldn't quite see the ocean but we could hear it. I spent A LOT of time in this hammock, reading and playing spelling bee and wordle! 

On Tuesday, we took an aqua biking class at the pool in the morning which was super fun - we took the class the next day, too. The wind was the lightest on Tuesday so we spent most of the day at the beach. I alternated between swimming in the ocean and reading my book - I read 4 during our trip! 

Each night, we'd have dinner at one of the restaurants around 7 and then we'd get drinks at one of the outdoor bars. It felt really good to not have to plan anything and just wander around and enjoy the warmth. We talked about our kids a lot, of course, but also had lots of great discussions about work, family, friendship, and where we might live when we retire. 

Post dinner photo - Phil did not want to smile!

Wednesday

Wednesday was the windiest day - it was too windy for a morning beach walk so I enjoyed my latte in the hammock. 

Phil made friends with a kitty that we saw by one of the restaurants nearly everyday. 

We saw lots of wild life during our trip. The animal on the left is a "Coati." It's a cross between a raccoon, anteater, and monkey! We also saw lots of iguanas. Paul is obsessed with Wild Kratts so we sent him lots of wildlife photos and he told my mom all about iguanas. Did you know they can run up to 21mph!!

Posing by the Christmas tree on Wednesday night after dinner

Thursday

On Thursday, the winds were calmer so I enjoyed my latte on the beach. I was typically up around 7-7:30 and Phil tended to stay in bed until 8:30-9 each day. But he doesn't drink coffee so that gave me a chance to get a latte at the coffee shop and walk on the beach. 

I took a water aerobics class that morning and then we spent some time at the beach since it was calm enough for some swimming. 

I will never tire of this view!

Last dinner out!

Friday

Friday was another full day of travel, especially since the shuttle company insisted we get to the airport SUPER early. Then our flight was delayed by an hour so we ended up spending almost 4 hours at the airport. BUT - we were not traveling with small children so it was fine! Seeing families with kids at the airport did make me especially miss my kids but I was glad to not be entertaining them in an airport! We landed around 5:30 CST and were home at 6:30 CST. There was a pretty big snowstorm while we were gone so guess what we did shortly after dropping our bags inside? SHOVEL! Woo hoo. Phil snow blowed and I shoveled the sidewalks he can't get to with the snowblower. What a return to reality!

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And that is a wrap! All in all, it was a fantastic getaway! We came back refreshed and relaxed. I missed the boys but it was not as hard to be away from them as I feared it might be. Nicole's comment (Hi Nicole!) about keeping in mind that the kids are making memories with their grandparents was super helpful! I got lots of pictures and updates on the kids. They slept like champs for my parents and Paul got to help with lots of baking projects. We ended up facetiming with Paul on Wednesday afternoon while Will was sleeping. I feared that Will might get upset seeing us but I knew Paul would handle it ok. Other than that, we just exchanged a lot of pictures and updates!

I feel incredibly lucky that my parents were willing, able, and excited to watch our boys for the week. If not for them, a trip like this never could have happened. If you have young kids and have been on the fence about taking a trip but have someone that would watch your kids, I highly recommend doing something like this. It was really wonderful to get time to reconnect with Phil without interruptions. But I do not take for granted how lucky we were to be able to do this!

I'll be back later this week with some other reflections from the trip!

Marriage and Negotiations

In my weekend recap last week, a couple of people commented on all the things Phil does around the house - namely the grocery shopping and cleaning. I think we are probably outliers on our division of labor. I don't know of many couples whose husbands clean and grocery shop. So how did we arrive at this division of labor? It was a process! 

Grocery shopping: prior to having children, I did all the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I didn't mind this, but I did get fatigued by the meal planning. For awhile I tried some meal delivery services like Hello Fresh but Phil wasn't thrilled with the meals and my gluten intolerance really limited our choices. So the first step in sharing the work of getting food on the table was having Phil help with meal planning. 

Then we had Paul in March of 2018. I kept doing the grocery shopping during my maternity leave, but as I approached my return to work, I knew I'd rather spend the 60-90 minutes I'd spend shopping at home with Paul. So initially, we tried outsourcing grocery shopping to Instacart. I was fine with the service but Phil didn't like it because I think you couldn't use coupons or take advantage of some sale items and sometimes he didn't like the produce they selected. He said he could do the grocery shopping "sometimes." My response was - you either need to do it every week or we use Instacart. He opted to take on grocery shopping. 

So now we come up with meal plans together, we both add items to our shared apple note grocery list, he grocery shops, and I make nearly all of the meals. Given his frugal nature, he's actually better suited to grocery shop as he pays more attention to prices and knows where it's more economical to buy various things. He gets as much as he can at Aldi, then goes to our big box grocery store, Cub, and sometimes stops at Target for a few things.

Flash forward to now and I kind of think he has the better end of the deal now that we have 2 kids. I actually think grocery shopping alone doesn't sound all that bad compared to my Saturday morning which includes taking the kids to the library and gymnastics, especially since gymnastics features manhandling a squirrelly toddler parent involvement. But when Will grows out of the toddler stage, our Saturday mornings might be about even in terms of how challenging/tiring they are. 

Cleaning: prior to having children, I cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen and he vacuumed and dusted. Before I lived with Phil, I had cleaners come every other week but I knew he wasn't on board with that expense when I moved in with him. Then in summer 2019 during our house hunting, we were having a really hard time finding a house he was willing to buy (he was even more picky than I was and we had been house hunting for almost 2 freaking years at that point) and he agreed to hire cleaners to kind of offset some of the tension around house hunting. During covid, as we approached my due date in fall 2020, we put our cleaning service on pause to limit the people coming in and out of our house and Phil and I shared cleaning duties. I figured we'd rehire them when I was vaccinated and returned to work. But Phil really liked not having the house cleaning expense. I felt the expense was worth it especially since they got our house cleaner than either of us could! I explained that I felt my time was worth more than what we paid for house cleaners, and our free time is so limited. I do not want to spend nap time scrubbing toilets or cleaning the stove. So since he felt so strongly about not re-hiring the cleaners, he agreed to take on the cleaning. 

It hasn't been a perfect solution because our house is not as clean as it was. We both tidy up the house and I do sometimes help with things, like cleaning the kitchen. He fits the cleaning in on quiet periods on Fridays when he works from home or while I'm out and about with the boys. It's working fine enough but I keep hoping he'll tire of cleaning and agree to re-hire cleaners. 

***

This negotiation approach might not work for many and it probably comes off as 'cut throat' since I've stood my ground on not being willing to do things we can outsource. And yes, he takes on things many husbands/fathers don't, but I still do plenty of things like scheduling doctor/dentist appointments, taking the kids to those appointments, washing our cloth diapers, keeping track of what clothes the boys have/what they need, and selling/donating things the boys grow out of. I'm also the primary contact for daycare and tend to stay home with the kids when they are sick since I have colleagues at work who can cover for me when I'm out. I think our division of labor is as close to even as we can get, especially now that we are out of the baby stage - close to even wasn't possible when I was pumping or nursing! 

I am fortunate to be married to a person who sees me and treats me as his equal. But that's what I was looking for in a partner. We are also very left-brained, logical, less-emotional people (in the Myers Briggs classification, we are both hard-core "thinkers," not "feelers") so our negotiations about division of labor has never been contentious or emotional. 

But the way to go about these kind of negotiations are so specific to the marriage and the personalities and interests of the couple so it's really a "you do you" kind of situation, but maybe it's helpful/interesting for others to see how we got to where we are at! 

Getting the Most Out of Every Experience

Last week, I had a lightbulb moment when listening to Happier, a podcast hosted by Gretchen Rubin and her sister, Elizabeth Craft. Gretchen lives in NYC and has made it her mission to visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art every day that she is in NYC. She lives close by so this is easy for her to do. She talked about how going as often as she does lowers the bar for what she needs out of the experience. She talks about how she was raised to "get the most" out of things, but when you go to a place often, you don't need to see it all. Sometimes she spend 10 minutes in the museum, sometimes she spend an hour. 

It made me think about how we approach the zoo. I definitely have a tendency to feel like I need to "get the most" out of every experience and this extends to the zoo. I think it's due in part to my frugal nature. If we are going to pay money to go somewhere, we better spend as many hours as we can there and see as much as we can. 

But... I was gifted a zoo membership for my birthday in February. Granted, the zoo is not super conveniently located - it's a good 20-30 minute drive to get there and you need to make a reservation to visit (although I think members can always get a reservation), so it is a bit of a 'to do' to go. But I need to change my mindset about what we get out of the zoo. 

The zoo opens at 9 for members and we typically need to head out around 11 so that Will doesn't fall asleep in the car on the ride home - which will ruin his already short afternoon nap. So that gives us 2 hours max. But there is no rule that says we need to spend 2 hours and see as many exhibits as we can. Especially with a 1.5 and 4yo. 

I think if I lowered my expectations on how much we saw on a visit to the zoo, everyone would enjoy it more and Paul would not get so tired out. On our last 2 visits, I've had to carry him out of the zoo and I think he was crying both times - partially because he was tired and partially because he just plain didn't leave. I can't solve the not wanting to leave problem, but by seeing less, he'll be less tired at the end of the visit I think/hope. 

I should also share that I've already calculated how many times we need to visit to make the membership "worth it." You know because obviously my mother-in-law is going to check up on me to make sure we got our money's worth. But this is how my brain works. 

So this weekend, we'll visit the zoo for the 3rd time - which, I'll add, is the breakeven point for the cost of the membership compared to what we'd pay for 3 visits. But on this visit, we'll take a different approach. We'll focus on a few exhibits - the penguins (a favorite for the boys), monkeys, and the hands-on area by the aquarium that we haven't seen yet. Maybe we'll see more after these exhibits if energy levels are high enough, or maybe we'll go home. But I won't pressure myself to see as much as we can in a visit because there can and will be many more visits before my membership expires in February!

Maybe this concept of not squeezing all of the life out of every experience comes natural to others. For whatever reason, it does not come naturally to me. So I am glad I heard that Happier podcast! 

Are you conditioned to get the absolute most out of every experience? 

First Summer Weekend + Kitty's Back

Even though we are almost a month into meteorological summer, this was our first actual summer weekend. And it was a good one! 

Friday was a quiet night which is what we prefer. Saturday ended up being a full day, but it was the best day of the weekend. With young kids, it's best to have lots of plans/things to do - at least for us! 

It was Phil's morning to get up with Will, so I slept in until 7. I can't remember the last time that happened - it felt amazing! Once I was up and had breakfast, I took the boys for a walk/scoot to get some of their energy out and to give Phil a break. 

Stage 4 clinger Will would prefer to hold my hand while on a walk. He can't get close enough to mom!

After the walk, we headed to the library for a quick visit. They are always rotating out their toys and right now, the featured toy in this play house is... insects! Paul is terrified of them so won't go near them but Will thought they were cool. I am honestly very squeamish when it comes to bugs so I wouldn't choose to cozy up with insects! But different strokes for different folks! 

The other toy station was an ice cream shop which Paul really enjoyed. 

Our next stop was Paul's first gymnastics class! He had a blast! It's a 30-minute class and they rotate them through 4 stations with different things like a trampoline, balance beam, bar, etc. Phil grocery shops on Saturday morning so I had both boys but we need to change things up because Will was kind of a terror! Phil starts grocery shopping around 9 since that is when Aldi opens and he prefers to go there first to get as much from our list as possible - which makes total sense. But we are going to have to play around with the schedule so I don't have to bring Will with to class.

Then it was lunch-time, followed by nap/quiet time. I was excited/hopeful for a long nap from Will since we had done so much that morning. But unfortunately Will had a night terror one hour into his nap. It's uncommon for night terrors to happen during naptime, but Paul also had naptime night terrors. Night terrors are so scary for us as parents because the child appears to be awake, but they aren't. You can tell they don't know who you are and it's very hard to get them to calm down. On Saturday, it took 45 minutes to get Will out of the night terror. I share this experience in case a reader's child goes through the same thing. We didn't know what it was the first time Paul had one and that was especially scary. Paul has outgrown them, I think/hope. Will had one in early January when he was really sick with an ear infection so they can start very early! They tend to happen when a child is overtired or sick, but they can also happen for no reason.

After Will came out of the night terror, we had a snack and then headed over to Phil's coworker's house for a little play date with another family. They have a hot tub that they have turned into a kid's pool for the summer. The boys had fun splashing around. 

We were all tired at the end of the day on Saturday after our full day! 

Sunday was a bit of a quieter day. I got up with Will at 5. Phil took over around 7:30 and gave me a break until I left for swimming lessons with Will around 8:15. We do a lot of swapping of parenting duties on weekends, especially in the morning. It's what works for this stage of life but I don't think it will always be like this. But toddlers are just exhausting! 

After swimming lessons with Will, 2 college friends came over and we walked/Paul scooted to the Starbucks that is about a mile away. Us girls enjoyed some beverages and Paul got a donut. It was great to catch up with my friends and hear about how their summers are going so far. 

I once again had high expectations for naptime, but they were dashed. Will napped for about 75 minutes which is not enough... but Phil took over Will duty to give me a longer break to read/rest. 

And then Paul and Phil headed to Phil's mom - to bring back our cat, Oscar! 

Newer reader may not realize we have a cat, and long-time readers might have forgotten. She is very much a part-time cat for us these days. Once the pandemic hit in March 2020, she has mostly lived with my MIL. She's a widow so really needed the extra companionship from Oscar during the pandemic. And Oscar is just really not a fan of kids. She would never hurt our boys, but she hates loud noises... so being around a toddler who communicates by screaming is not ideal. Oh and yes, Oscar is a girl cat. We were told orange cats are always boys but it turns out that is wrong! But we didn't find out Oscar was a she until we'd settled on the name. 

She'll be with us for a week or 2 as my MIL will be out of town part of this week. Even though many cats are ok being on their own and just being checked on, that is not the case with Oscar. When we got our cat, we never envisioned that she'd mostly live with my MIL but it's the way things have played out and best for everybody. We did not have kids when we got Oscar in 2014 so we didn't have to take temperament around kids into consideration. She has always been pretty skittish... she LOVES Phil and just kind of tolerates me. ;) 

Keeping this curious kid out of her food and water dish will be interesting. Hopefully he's less excited about her food than he is about the spaghetti he ate on Sunday night. It was definitely a bath-requiring kind of meal!

In closing, another positive development from the weekend is that after months of Paul insisting that we sit in the chair in his room until he falls asleep, he now lets us leave and we just have to check on him every 10-20 minutes until he falls asleep. Which is totally doable for us and one thousand times better than sitting in the room until he falls asleep. He was ok with that all 3 nights of the weekend so hopefully this "sticks." I share this because some of these awful sleep stages can feel endless. But they can correct themselves! Now to get Will to sleep past 5-5:30... starting tonight we are taking our pediatricians advice to leave him in his crib until 6am... Hopefully he quickly learns to fall back asleep. He - and we - need more sleep. 

How was your weekend?

And Another Domino Falls

So much for that optimism about a new month and fresh start. Paul was totally healthy when I dropped him off at school yesterday. When I picked up the boys on Will’s first day back at school since May 20, Paul had the sniffles so we tested him since there have been several cases in his room this week. And, of course, he was positive. You know, since it had been 10 days since Will tested positive, which was 10 days after I tested positive. So we will have a month of someone quarantining. This is the worst most slow moving domino set up ever. 

My sister did not stay with us last night so they don’t risk getting it. I will still see her at my parents this weekend, though. Will and I will head to the lake on Friday after work since we are Covid immune. I did not want to miss my Godson’s grad party. I am a little nervous about a solo 3.5 hour drive (each way) with a rear facing toddler that hates car rides but oh well. We will get through it. One or both of us might cry, though  

At least Paul will be easy to have at home. We will let him have lots of screen time so we can work. He watches educational stuff/uses educational aps so it’s not the worst way to spend his time. We will get outside as much as our work schedules allow. Hopefully his case remains mild so he feels up to walks/scooting. 

And at least I can work from home and have an understanding boss and coworkers. I do have an in person presentation next week and a client call on Friday but I think Paul will stay in his room during the call. But professional economists have had kids break into the room while they are presenting on national tv and we can all laugh about it. So if that happens, people will understand I think/hope (Phil can’t stay home on Friday since it’s his busiest week of the month at work). 

And at least I am immune and can still see my family this weekend and celebrate my nephew/godson. And hopefully Phil will not get sick so all 4 of us can go to the lake as planned in 2 weeks!

But gosh, this really sucks  

The Next Domino Falls

I had really hoped and prayed that Phil and the boys would miraculously not get covid. But if anyone was going to get it, I was hoping Will wouldn't since he is by far the harder kid to have home for a 10 day quarantine. So guess who tested positive on Saturday afternoon? Will. He was fine all morning but then had a low-grade fever at lunchtime and didn't eat well so we tested him and sure enough - he was positive. Phil and Paul remain healthy and negative. Maybe they had it before and were not symptomatic? Maybe it's coming for them? Who knows. This virus is so weird. 

I thought I was turning the corner earlier last week and then felt like I got hit with a 2nd wave and was back to peak congestion. I ended up logging off work early on Thursday and napped for almost 2 hours. We had planned to take Friday off to do something fun to celebrate our anniversary but I was clearly not feeling up for anything fun. So Phil and I worked on an organization project that morning, did a good will drop, and then got some (delicious) tacos to go. Nothing says romance like organizing your storage space, right?? It was something I had wanted to do since the new year and it made sense to do it while we were both off and the boys were at school. After lunch, Phil went golfing with his cousins and I napped for 2 hours. I hypothesize that I would have gotten over covid faster if I could have slept for like 10 hours a day for multiple days. But of course that is not possible when you have young children. Especially when one of them has a stomach virus! 

On a positive note, Paul moved into a new classroom this week - Pre-K! Last week was supposed to be his transitional week where he spends 1/2 of the day in the new room, but he missed 3 days of school thanks to the GI bug. But I think he'll do just fine. He was excited about his new room. Plus they have a field trip to a local garden tomorrow so that is extra exciting and really makes him feel like a "big kid." I fill out this first day of school board every time he changes preschool rooms. Last year he said he wanted to be a T Rex; now he wants to be a dinosaur! Quite the change!

I'm hoping they let him skip naps in his room so bedtime is better. I know his teachers want/need a break but I don't know many 4-5 year olds that need a nap! 

Now hopefully he stays healthy this week so we only have to manage one kid at home. Phil and I are taking turns taking care of Will. The best way to entertain him is to go for a stroller walk. I imagine he'll go on 2-3 hour or longer stroller walks every day during quarantine. Phil has to go into the office tomorrow so I will take the day off since there is NO WAY I can work while watching him. Luckily this is a quiet week at work as our sales force is at a sales conference, and our client base (financial advisors) kind of checks out as we approach Memorial Day weekend. And at least it's happening when it's nice outside so we can go for hour+ long walks. But gosh I wish my kids were vaccine-eligible so the quarantine was shorter! Allegedly it's around the corner as Moderna has submitted for approval, but I'm guessing they won't be fully vaxxed until the end of summer most likely. 

How was your weekend? Are you staying covid-free? I have heard of so many testing positive lately so it seems like it's really circulating right now.

Monday Run Down

- This past weekend was not a good one. Did I jinx myself by posting last week about how essential plans are for the sanity of parents of littles? It feels that way! I knew we were going to have to lay low with me recovering from covid, but then Paul woke with a fever on Saturday. He had a rash on his face on Friday but we assumed it was an allergic reaction to sunscreen. But when the fever hit, I did some googling and I think he has something called Fifths Disease, which is also referred to as - I kid you not - "slapped cheek syndrome." He had no appetite on Saturday and ended up throwing up at the end of the day after eating some dry cherrios. Then there was more vomiting on Sunday and much laundry was done. 

- Before the illness hit Paul, we took the water table out on Friday. Both boys played with it for over 30 minutes, which is like 3 hours in toddler time. Will drank so much water, which was dirty. I texted my nurse sister and she said "that's good probiotics" and commented on all the wood chips her 1yo tried to eat at the park that day. 

- Will got the rash, but it was much more faint and he did not get a fever or GI stuff. He was his normal, energetic, food throwing, mischievous self and kept wanting to bug his brother who was laid up on the couch. So he got 2 long 1-hour walks on Saturday and 3 1-hour walks on Sunday. But the weekend felt like it was about 800 hours long. I gave him a bath on Saturday night, not because he needed it but because I needed to entertain him for 20 minutes. I'm very glad he's healthy and could go to school today.

Rashy baby, eating breakfast.

- I'm recovering well from covid but am still very, very congested, like can't breath through nostrils-most-of the-day congested. And I'm tired, but is it from covid or parenting 2 small children who both seem to want to start the day at an hour that starts with the number 5? I was supposed to do a 10 mile race next Saturday and had been planning to drop down to the 10k distance but now I think I should probably just skip it and give my body a rest. I haven't exercised since last Monday which isn't great for my mental health, but I got lots of steps in this weekend with all the stroller walks. So I guess I need to call walks 'good enough' and wait until I'm back to full health. 

How was your weekend? Surely/hopefully it was better than mine??

Weekend Planning as a Parent

Late last month, the hosts of Best of Both Worlds discussed weekend plans on an episode. It made me think about how much my approach to weekends/what makes a good weekend has changed since becoming a parent. 

Pre-kids, I had a lot of social plans but I loved nothing more than a weekend with NO PLANS. But that is because I could then fill the weekend with anything I wanted to. Plus a plan-free weekend was such a rarity so it was extra enjoyable to have free reign on filling my weekend with what I wanted to do. I also had a tendency to say yes to way too much so that is another reason that a plan-free weekend was extra appealing. 

Now, as a mom of 2, my thoughts about a plan-free weekend have completely changed! A plan-free weekend can kind of fill me with a sense of, well, dread. It's sort of counterintuitive, but the less we have going on, the more exhausted we can feel by the end of the weekend. That is especially true when the weather was cold and we couldn't spend lots of time outdoor. The reason for the exhaustion is because it is very challenging to entertain 2 kids within the confines of our house - especially Will at 17 months. At this age, they get bored so quickly! 

The approach to weekend planning that has worked well for us is planning a few things that will take up some chunks of time and then filling in around those activities/outings. Now that weather has warmed up (finally!) it is easier to come up with ideas of things to do/places to go, and it's also easier to fill other gaps in time. So here are the big "place holders" in our schedule that I try to build around.

- On Saturday morning, I pretty much always start my day with a run with my neighbor as long as she isn't on call. We aim to start running around 7 so I can be back and showered so Phil can go grocery shopping when Aldi opens at 9. 

- On Sunday morning, I take Will to his 8:15 swimming lesson. We are usually home from this by 9:15. 

So that gives us 4 blocks to fill - Saturday from 9 until lunch, Saturday from post-nap until dinner, Sunday from 9:30 until lunch, and Sunday from post-nap until dinner. Having plans for all 4 blocks would probably be a lot - I think the sweet spot it one thing/day. 

This coming weekend is shaping up to be an ideal weekend. On Saturday morning, I am taking the boys to the Minnesota Zoo when I get back from my run. I got an annual membership to the zoo from my MIL for my birthday so am hoping to make the most of it by going about once a month. Then on Sunday after nap/quiet time, we are meeting up with another daycare family at a park at 3:30. Their oldest is in Paul's class and Will will join the toddler room that their youngest is in later this month. I've been pleasantly surprised to find that it's been pretty easy to make friends/parent connections with other families at daycare, especially as Paul has gotten older! I especially enjoy plans that involve another family as it gives me time to connect with another parent so "fills my cup," too.

I am most certainly the planner in my family so I do nearly all of the planning! During the activities I have planned this weekend, Phil will stay back and work on things around the house that are easier to do when the kids aren't around like yardwork. 

I imagine all of this will change when our kids are in activities! We'll be busy, but have less control over our weekend so I'm enjoying having control while I do. 

What does planning look like in your house? Do you like planned or unplanned weekends?

Pandemic Parenting

It's hard to believe that we've hit the 2-year anniversary of the start of the pandemic. The start of the pandemic feels like a lifetime ago. I mean, so much has happened since March of 2020 considering we have a 15-month old now! The Mom Hour podcast recently did a 2-part episode about pandemic babies - the first was focused on the babies; the second was focused on the mom. In these episodes, they share the experiences of the moms on their contributor team who have had babies in the last years. I highly recommend it, especially if you've had a baby in the last 2 years! 

As a way to memorialize my experience of having a child during the pandemic, I thought I would share my answers to the questions they asked. As a reminder, I got pregnant in March 2020, so my entire pregnancy took place during the pandemic. Will was born in December 2020 when our covid numbers were at their worst in our community. This past winter our numbers were higher than Nov/Dec 2020, but deaths were lower since 70+% of our state is vaccinated. So Will was born during the absolute worst stage of the pandemic here in Minnesota.

Baby-focused questions:

How was the first year of life different?

The biggest difference was how few people he met for the first months of life. My parents were here when he was born but they were the only people he met for the first 3 months of life. Friends and family would drop off food/gifts and we'd introduce him through our glass storm door, but that's as close as he got to others until family and friends were vaccinated. Because it's so cold here in the winter, introducing him outdoors just wasn't possible! He met my MIL in mid-March 2021 when she was 3 weeks past her 2nd dose of the vaccine. Once more friends and family were vaccinated, we started to introduce him to more people. 

Introducing Will to a friend through our storm door.

But besides that, his first year of life was not all that different from Paul's. 

How is his temperament different?

This is one of those questions that is kind of impossible to answer. He does have a very strong case of stranger danger and will only willingly go to me, Phil and his daycare teachers. Is this due to his personality or because we saw fewer people during the pandemic? We'll never know. I mentioned his stranger danger to his pediatrician at his 15-month appointment and she said it is completely normal and developmentally appropriate and that it will improve with time. 

Favorite memory of your pandemic baby's first year?

Introducing Will to Paul was very special. No visitors were allowed in the hospital due to covid, so Paul met Will when we got home from the hospital. He was so very excited!

It was very exciting to introduce him to family and friends as case rates dropped and family and friends were vaccinated. 

First photo with the grandparents - which he was not happy to take!!

Meeting his nanas for the first time - he met my mom when he was 2 days old and my MIL at 3.5 months

I think I will also always remember walking around Hyvee with him after I got my first dose of the vaccine! 

What will you tell your pandemic baby some day?

I am sure we will explain what the pandemic is and hopefully it's the only one we have to explain to him. We'll tell him how careful we were in an effort to minimize our chances of getting covid. 

Mom-focused questions:

What felt too hard/really hard?

I personally found being pregnant during the pandemic much harder than having a baby during the pandemic. A few "really hard" things come to mind to me. 

First off, I had to go to the 8-week ultrasound appointment alone due to covid protocols. We found out I had miscarried our last pregnancy (the previous October) at the 8-week ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. So I had a lot of anxiety going into the 8-week ultrasound for this pregnancy and so wished that Phil could have been there with me. I was able to facetime him into the appointment, but it's not the same as having your husband there to hold your hand. The ultrasound tech was the same person that did our last ultrasound for the pregnancy that we lost. She was so great and said she would tell me the instant she saw a heartbeat - and luckily she saw a strong heartbeat right away. 

The other aspect that was really hard was communicating the precautions we were taking to keep me and the baby safe to others that viewed the pandemic differently than we did. I get anxious and my heart kind of races all over again just thinking about the fall of 2020 and how difficult it was. I ended up seeing a therapist that fall which was very helpful. Phil and I were always on the same page about how we handled things and he was a great source of strength and a good shoulder to cry on. 

Were their silver linings?

Phil and I actually did not mind having visitors in the early weeks of Will's life. Phil's motto for visiting a family with a newborn is to "drop off some food and get the heck out of there!" So not having to juggle visitors was not the worst thing but we still were on the receiving end of lots and lots of meals - which is the best gift you can give new parents! Those early weeks are exhausting and it was my first time breastfeeding a baby (I pumped for Paul since he could never figure out nursing) so it was nice to have complete privacy and focus on adjusting to being a family of 4.  I was happy when I could introduce Will to more family and friends but appreciated those quiet early weeks. 

Also, I don't know that we would have gotten away with a 2-night stay after a C-section if not for covid. Our care team was totally on board with getting us out of the hospital asap, especially since it was my 2nd c-section. I had a 7-night stay when we had Paul for a variety of reasons so we were THRILLED to leave after 2 nights.

Lastly, I appreciated being able to WFH for all of my pregnancy and the first 15 months of Will's life. I could wear pregnancy leggings every day since no one sees your lower half on zoom! And not having to pump in the office was AMAZING! Lastly, the return to work was so much more gentle when WFH. I'm back to work 3/days week now, but I am glad that I can still WFH 2 days/week. Prior to covid, my company was NOT open to WFH. You could do it occasionally if you had an appt or something, but you couldn't consistently work from home. They have changed their view on WFH and I have the pandemic to thank for that! Phil also is able to WFH as much as he'd like - which for him tends to be 1-2 days/week. 

What did you miss out on or have to grieve?

Overall, I didn't really miss out on much since it was our second baby. I think having your first baby during a pandemic would have been harder since it was harder to do things like have a baby shower. 

What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself 2 year ago?

I wish I could tell myself that everything is going to be ok and that your family is going to stay healthy and happy. 

***

The last month or so has started to feel "normalish" for us now. We traveled to AZ, have started to see more friends, and ate in a restaurant for the first time on our AZ trip. Covid numbers have really declined here and there have barely been any cases at daycare so it feels like the worst is behind us - for now! And hopefully by this summer our kids will be eligible for the vaccine. We consider ourselves EXTREMELY fortunate to not have lost any family members or close friends to covid and I hope and pray that continues to be the case. 

I'll be forever grateful to the scientists that develop the vaccines and the healthcare workers, especially those on the front lines!!

Let me know if you have any other questions about having a baby in a pandemic! If you had a baby in the last 2 years, please comment and let me know how your experience differed from mine.