It's been awhile since I've done a coffee date kind of post. So settle in, grab your favorite warm beverage, and let's catch up.
If we were having coffee today...
- I'd of course have to start off by talking about Paul starting kindergarten this week! Yesterday was his first day and he was SO excited. I would also probably talk about the complicated feelings I have around him starting kindergarten which is mostly related to how others think I might feel. I can't tell you how many people have asked, with concerned looks/tones, how I feel about Paul starting kindergarten. I know they are well-meaning questions and I understand that kindergarten is a big milestone but we are so excited about it. I loved school, I know he will love school, and he is very ready for this next step. Admittedly, I am not a very emotional person... That might sound like a bad thing but it's just how I am built and probably why I fit in so well in the male-dominated industry of asset management. But I almost feel bad that I don't feel more sad. Am I missing some crucial gene that all moms should have? This is not to say that I will never feel sad or mourn the end of a stage of parenting, but I am not very sad to be one step closer to leaving the baby/toddler/young kid stage behind. Those stages have their perks, but overall they were very challenging stages for me. So give me the elementary school years! Interestingly, barely anyone has asked Phil how he feels about Paul starting kindergarten so there is certainly a gendered expectation that mom will feel sad/cry and dad will be fine. And I not casting shade at moms who ARE sad and emotional and cried when their child started K. Everyone has a right to feel the way they feel, but I wish I wasn't feeling such pressure to feel sad, if that makes sense. Parenting is complicated.
 |
| I was surprised he said he wants to be an engineer! |
- I'd tell you I have fall on the brain even though fall doesn't technically start for several weeks. I bought the boys' Halloween costumes a couple of weeks ago at Once Upon a Child. Paul was with me so he picked out a Spiderman costume for himself and Marshall the fire pup from Paw Patrol for Will. Will's costume is borderline too small but oh well! He's very excited about it. Besides buying their Halloween costumes, I also bought tickets for Paul and me for our zoo's "jack-o-lantern spectacular" event. We went last year and it was amazing so we decided to go again. Fall is such a fun season so I am VERY excited about it! And I'm also very ready for cool, crisp temps after a very hot summer!
- I'd tell you Paul was with me that day because we decided to go to an optical store and order different glasses for him. We could not get him to wear the cheaper Zenni ones we had bought earlier in the summer. I told him he ABSOLUTELY has to wear these every day when school starts and I've told his teacher that he needs to wear his glasses. He didn't pick out the pair I wanted him to pick out but these do seem to fit him better. There is no way he will be able to see the white board in the classroom without glasses so hopefully that motivates him to keep them on.
- I'd tell you that Taco seems to be adjusting pretty well to his new daycare. Drop off is rough but it was rough once Paul stopped going to daycare with him. Our new daycare has an ap where they post pictures throughout the day so it's nice to see that he's happy/thriving. He is always happy and having fun when pick him up so hopefully the crying/screaming drop offs will come to an end soon...
- I couldn't end the conversation without talking about what we are both reading! I'd tell you that I finished "All That is Mine I Carry With Me" last night, which is by the author of "Defending Jacob." I really enjoyed the book but wow, the title is way too long. The author is an attorney-turned-writer. The book is such a page turner! I've been staying up past my bedtime because I can't put it down and then I couldn’t stop thinking about it when I tried to fall asleep! When the book opens, a mother goes missing and her husband, a defense attorney, is the suspected killer. It's told from 4 different view points.
If we were having coffee or tea today, what would you tell me?
20 comments:
I think it's totally fine not to be emotional ALL the time, in all milestones, that would be too draining too. When you feel it, then that's the right feeling to savor it, if not, totally fine. I don't remember being emotional when my girls started K either.
If we were having coffee today, I'd tell you I am wondering how much should I concern about the pollution. I want to not think about it when I run outside, but at the same time I don't want to be making life long damage to my lung. this morning I went out, felt the pollution, and returned back to do the tempo run on the treadmill. not fun but I felt better not to choose short term convenience vs. long term health hazard.
I think parenting is complicated and we all do it differently; it's so important to feel what you feel! I loved when my kids were in kindergarten, I think it's such a fun year. Such a precious time! I hope Paul has just the best year!
I'm so glad to hear that Taco is adjusting to the new daycare. I think it's very normal for dropoffs to be rough, and then for kids to thrive at daycare. That does not make it easier though.
It's funny, I am an emotional person but I think I'm more emotional THINKING about changes and new situations than I am with the actual situations, which is probably a good reason that I meditate and do yoga. Like I was quite sad thinking about all the changes in my life recently, but when the changes actually happened I adjusted quickly. Maybe I'm like the toddler being dropped off at daycare! Emotions run high and then I adjust. What I'm saying is I identify with Taco! Lol!
You know we're soul sisters on this topic <3
"I wish I wasn't feeling such pressure to feel sad, if that makes sense. Parenting is complicated." Parenting is SO complicated and we're told we need to feel certain ways in certain circumstances and mostly for me everything is just a jumble of conflicting emotions that make me feel guilty for falling outside the prescribed "right" way to feel. I 100% agree that I was rarely "sad" to get away from the infant/toddler stage. That stage was very, very hard for me mentally. I miss a few things and sometimes my heart aches to just hear their little lisping voices, see their baby teeth smiles, and I DEFINITELY miss rocking my son to sleep for his nap. But I wouldn't go back in time for a million dollars. I love watching them grow into these incredible humans.
If we were having a coffee date I would tell you what a crazy few weeks it has been. The kids are now back to school (and they're so happy), more drama in my neighbourhood which consumed hours and hours of my time...oh AND MY ENTIRE BLOG GOT DELETED. It has been...a week *facepalm*.
But also, so much good! It's fall and I love fall. The walk to school today was amazing - perfect weather. The coffee I'm sipping is delicious. I'm loving the new sports docuseries we're watching on Netflix. I have gotten caught up on so much work backlog now that the kids are back to school and I am in love with my daughter's freshened-up room. It's incredible to me how much of a boost her "new" space provides when the rest of life kinda feels like it's spiraling out of control. And some great thrift finds are making me happy, too. Like a $5 rice cooker which I am borderline obsessed with...Also, I just feel really, really happy with my marriage. I love being in sync with my husband and I just feel like we've had great points of connection in the hard stuff lately.
Oh, that book is one I had from the library this summer but ended up returning because I didn't have time to read it! Now I want to get it out again.
I think one reason you don't feel "sad" about Paul starting kindergarten is that he's been going to day care and pre-K all along. If he had been home with you, or in a part-time pre-K this would feel like a bigger transition. Both my kids went to a pre-k that was a parent co-op so I was with them a lot of the time. I DEFINITELY cried when my son started school, but when my daughter went I had mixed emotions. I was a little sad because it was a big transition, but I was also relieved because she was such a difficult kid! I was ready for someone else to take care of her for a nice chunk of the day. So... it's complicated and every family is different.
I hope Will's dropoff gets a little easier- that's a hard way to start the day!
"All That is Mine I Carry with Me" is a dumb title, but it was such a page tuner! I really enjoyed how ambiguous the ending was, although I can see why it wouldn't work for everyone. Such an interesting premise!
Yay for kindergarten! Yay for new glasses! Yay for a new daycare! These are all good things and you have the right to feel about them however you want - resigned or gleeful or just pleased to be back on a regular schedule.
I don't think you need to justify how you feel about it! Nothing is missing or wrong wit you. :) I think probably most people have mixed feelings about it, and excitement is a better way to approach than getting all sappy and sad, anyway. I mean, it's the goal of raising children to have them move on to the next stage and grow and flourish. No one wants their kid to eventually be 45 and to have never left the house for kindergarten! LOL! Glad it's all going well so far and that Will's daycare transition is going as smoothly as...possible. ;) It will probably get much better soon.
Love the costumes!! I haven't even had a chance to think a bit about fall stuff yet. If we were having coffee/tea (man, I wish we really were!! I could really go for that today.) I would tell you that I'm going a bit berserk with visitors constantly in my space. In some moments I feel totally fine/happy, and then I suddenly want to just snap!
I am with you both, Lisa and Elisabeth. My daughter is six and just started grade 1 and I am excited to see her grow up. I do not miss most of the baby toddler years at all.
And Elisabeth, I am sorry about your blog! I usually check it every couple days and when it wasn’t working this week I figured I would find you in the comments here and find out what happened :). I hope everything works out okay!
(Hi Elisabeth, I was wondering about your blog too, glad to know what happened, and I hope you can recover it!)
Oh, mommy guilt. Why is it that we can never do anything right? If we are emotional, we shouldn't be. If we aren't, we should be. Whatever. I remember two very emotional times for me were when my daughter's belly button stump fell off (SHE'S GROWING UP TOO FAST!!!) and the first time I left her to go out to dinner, I cried all the way down the elevator to the car. And then had a great time without her. I blame both of those on hormones. Like Nicole, I am very emotional, and like her, thinking about my own feelings is often my trigger. So my sweet dog died in May of lymphoma, and I cry about it every day, but what gets me started is thinking about how sad I am. Thinking about ME. Reliving his illness and losing him. I wish I were not this way. Sigh.
Thank you for the book recommendation, I just put it on my reading list. :)
I'm currently trying to catch up on reading blogs, because I was on vacation for 2 weeks and did not read ANY while I was gone. I'm listening to a wonderful book, "The Stationary Shop", and reading another, "Between Us". They are VERY different, which I like because if I am reading two books and they are similar I get very confused.
I don't know why you would/should be sad about Paul starting school. I'd be relieved. Time for a bit of growing up, time for you to have a little less stress on days when you are home with only one instead of two, new stories to hear from him, new development to watch. But then, I have the maternal instincts of ... a flea? Do fleas have maternal instincts? Anyway, you have no need to justify. It's refreshing!
I would admit that I did tear up when L was walking off into the distance with her now kindergarten class. I al excited for this stage for her- she loves learning and be with people. I would tell you that I can't wait till R grows out of the crazy threes or whatever you call them. He has been very winey lately and it's like a razor on my nerves.
I will also tell you that T is going away next week and I will be solo parenting... I think it will all be a okay :)
I was not sad about school starting! I love back to school and both my boys do a lot better on the school routine than they do on a no-routine summer vacation. I was a little sad when Noah started K just because time seems to be going by so fast, but overall it’s always a positive change for our family. Ask me again when Hanna starts school though ;) I wish there wasn’t so much judgment towards moms. We are all different and that’s a good thing!
I shouldn't really chime in as I am not a parent, but I think you shouldn't have to feel bad that you are not as emotional as other moms. I think everyone does it differently and if the baby/toddler years were not your favorite, then I can see how you're looking forward to these new milestones/stages in your boys' lives. No shame in that.
I wonder if fathers who feel emotional about their children starting kindergarten feel like they can't show that emotion... just like mothers who AREN'T emotional feel as if they NEED to be sad. The gendered differences in parenting are crazy. I think it's FINE to feel whatever way you feel. If you're excited about Paul starting kindergarten, I think that's great! Yay for Paul starting kindergarten!
I think you definitely get to feel the feelings you feel! I've definitely been a little wistful as each kid starts kindergarten. My Husband, though, was crying when our first kid went. He even forgot to give her her lunch box then had to go back to school to give it to her and say good-bye *again*.
You are wise to have the Hallowe'en costumes picked out. And how sweet is it that Paul picked out one for his little brother. I feel like we just got into September, but I was looking at the calendar to plot in some work things and October will indeed be here before I know it!
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that my oldest has taken to middle school much better than I could have anticipated and I'm really happy for her; that I'm looking forward to getting back to work, though not being as productive with my unemployed time as I want to be.
I feel THE SAME WAY about senior year for Harry. I am so excited for him and what is ahead-- but there's this cultural expectation that I am sad, and it's maddening.
If we were having coffee we'd be talking all about that book! I read it a couple months back and cannot stop thinking about the ending. Brilliant.
I would tell you that Adeline officially started preschool and I am pumped!! Monday was her first day with half the class and tomorrow is her second day with the whole class and then on to three days a week next week. And the planner in me is now already figuring out the schooling option for next year. Since her birthday is October I couldn't start her last year for three year preschool unless I wanted a religious option and that was a hard pass. I never thought I'd consider this for my children but I am contemplating the public school young fives program for her for next year instead of 4 day preschool. I don't like that it is all day but I think she will enjoy it and it would be beneficial. She's also pretty much stopped napping so then she'd just be overtired from school. I am also contemplating a half day religious program. We could also just do the 4 day half day preschool option where we are but who knows. Like I said, already obsessing and planning. But also enjoying my ALONE TIME!!!!!
Oooh, that book sounds good. I went and borrowed it! However, I will tell you (over coffee) that they only have the ebook (not audio) and my ebook/actual book reading stats have taken a severe downturn over the last year or two and I almost rarely read anymore. Also, sadly, I think my attention span is getting shorter too! I have sat and read a little, but usually now I tend to go towards the audiobook. Having said that, I have a few good/recommended books right now on my Kindle that I need to read!
I would also tell you that I just got back from a two week bikepacking trip and it was fun but tiring (in a good way!) I have not yet gotten used to the planning aspect of this mode and so it is not as easy as say, planning a trip to Italy or whatever! However, it challenged me and helped to keep Alzheimer's at bay (hopefully) so it was fun even when it was a little bit hard! I guess I can relate to Taco and his challenges with his new school. Sometimes the different stimuli and getting used to new people and places and routines can be mentally exhausting!
I'm so glad the first week of Kindergarten went well! I find the expectations of how you "should feel" are best summed up by an Al-Anon saying, what others think of me is none of my business" which gave me so much freedom and still does. Naturally there is a context to it but long and short it allows us the freedom to be who we are and live our lives. They are too cute in their halloween costumes!!! Love Paul's glasses!!!
If we were having coffee I would tell you that I have to own my part of some of the crazy busy but I am overwhelmed and nothing prepares you for life in your 40's.
I am coming by to tell you that I was talking with a friend at work weeks ago, and she mentioned that her daughter was starting kindergarten. I asked if the daughter was ready, and my friend said "I can't wait for her to be out of the house." :) So you are NOT the only one. Feel what you feel, when you feel it. If people wonder, that's their problem. Just my $0.02. :)
Post a Comment