'Tis the Season of Sacrifice

As many of you know, today is Ash Wednesday, which is the beginning of the season of Lent.  For those who are not familiar with this season, it is a 40-day periods during which Christians all over the world will prepare for the celebration of Easter.  It is meant to be a time of sacrifice, prayer, and almsgiving (which is a fancy word for giving to those less fortunate, either financially or by volunteering). 

I went back and forth as to what I should do this year.  I honestly don't feel like I have many indulgences in my life.  I rarely clothes shop, I don't eat sweets often, and I don't drink alcohol very regularly.  Initially I thought about focusing on doing something extra, like going to daily mass once a week and praying the rosary instead of giving something up as I just couldn't think of anything that would be challenging enough.

And then I thought of something really challenging to give up yesterday.  For the next 40 days, I am going to give up using my phone during work hours.  I know that may not sound like much of a challenge to some people, but I am really bad about checking my phone constantly obsessively. Now, since I am in the midst of a move, I am going to let myself check my phone for 5 minutes over lunch to make sure I haven't missed any important phone calls or emails regarding my move, but besides that, I will not be using my phone between the hours of 7 am and 4:30 pm each day.

I know this will be challenging for me, which is what Lent is supposed to be all about!  In addition to this, I still want to try to get to a daily mass each week, which is feasible since there is a Catholic church that is just over a block away from work so I can easily go before work or over lunch.

On a unrelated note, the fact that Lent starts today makes my move seem really soon as I will pack up and move the week after Easter.  Eeks!

If you observe Lent, what will you be giving up this year?  Would it be difficult for you to stop using your phone during the day?

A Day of Rest

Good Morning and happy Friday to you all.  It's hard to believe that Easter is this weekend!  Since I am a week ahead of my study schedule, I decided to take Sunday off from studying and will spend it at my parents' lake cabin. I am SO excited to see my family - and I am especially excited to enjoy my 'day of rest' on Sunday.  I typically spend 6 hours each Saturday and Sunday studying, so to have a full day off without studying will be amazing!  At the same time, it makes me feel a little anxious and guilty to take a day off, but I know it will be good for me to take a break.

I'll be heading to my parents' lake home on Saturday night after I wrap up a day of studying.  I'll get to see 2 of my 4 siblings and 4 of my 5 nephews!  I haven't seen 2 of these nephews since New Years, so I am long over due for some time with them!

I am planning on attending the Easter Vigil on Saturday night with my mom - it's one of my favorite masses of the year.  Sunday we'll have Easter Dinner together and then I'll head back to Minneapolis in the afternoon.  It will be a short visit, but it's better than no visit at all.

For those of you who celebrate Easter, I hope you have a wonderful Easter weekend!  I gave up candy for lent so am looking forward to indulging in some Reese's peanut butter cups.  Yum.  They are my favorite!

What are your plans for the weekend?

Advent: Week 2: Love

Good Morning and happy Monday to everyone.  I hope you all had a great weekend.  Mine did not start out so great.  I got the stomach flu on Friday.  It was HORRIBLE.  I am a total and complete baby when I am sick and I was really wishing I could teleport my mom to my condo.  No one can take care of you like your mom can, in my opinion.  I think it's a combination of them knowing what you want/need when you are sick and loving you unconditionally.  So while many people would be disgusted by your illness, your mom's love for you looks past the grossness and just wants to comfort you.

What a lovely little segue into this week's Advent post, huh?  The theme for the 2nd week of Advent is Love.  In the immortal words of the Prime Minister's monologue (Hugh Grant's character) in Love Actually,

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

I like this monologue because it addresses many of the forms of love.  It's a well-known fact that suicide rates increase during the holiday season.  Sadly, this "most wonderful time of year" can be a time of isolation and loneliness for some for a plethora of reasons.  As Mother Teresa said, "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."  I know it oversimplifies the issue of depression and suicide to sum it up and blame it on people hungering for love and personal connections, but I think that is a large part of the problem.

I feel very lucky and blessed as I most certainly do not feel an absence of love in my life.  Yes, I could focus on the fact that I am not married or dating anyone right now, but there is so much love in my life, I find it easier to overlook that a significant other is not part of my life right now.  Instead I focus on love from God, family, my nephews and niece (who fall into the family category, but warrant a special mention because they make me feel especially loved), and friends.

So this holiday season, I am choosing to focus on all of the love in my life, and I want to make a conscious effort to let the others in my life know they are loved and appreciated, through both my words and my actions.  I'll be sharing a little project later this week that ties in well with this message of spreading more love, so be sure to tune in on Wednesday to hear more about that.

I'll close with a scripture verse that emphasizes using actions, instead of words: 

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth" (1 John 3:18)

Fool me twice, shame on me

Last week after the Dog Whisperer & I worked things out, I deleted the post where I talked about the initial communication snafu and the post where I talked about second chances. I figured that I should take them down on the off chance that he found this blog and read them. Now I don't care if he finds this. So read away, Dog Whisperer.

When we left off, he had apologized for not calling me back and I had apologized for reacting like I did. He said he wanted to continue to date and see where this could go.

I really thought we were going to move forward from this. He called me early Wednesday morning to tell me to have a good day so I thought - 'yes! He gets what I was saying about communication being important!'

We chatted again on Thursday night and I suggested that we go out for dinner on Saturday night. He thought that sounded good and said he'd call to confirm plans on Saturday afternoon.

I went to church on Saturday night at 5 and had yet to hear from him. When we talked on Thursday I told him I'd be going to church & would most likely meet up with him after that, so I was trying to remain positive and hopeful - thinking maybe he would call during church or was assuming I'd just come over after church.

I sat down in my pew in church and started perusing the bulletin. An excerpt from Psalm 126 was on the front of the bulletin. It reads as follows:

"The Lord has done great things for us;
we are glad indeed...
Those that sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
Although they go forth weeping,
carrying the seed to be sown,
They shall come back rejoicing,
carrying their sheaves."

I read that and thought - wow, that's probably foreshadowing for how the rest of my night is going to go.

And it was - there were definitely some tears on Saturday night.

I called the Dog Whisperer after church at 6 - no answer. So I left a message, asking him what time he wanted to meet up for dinner. He never called on Saturday night. He never called on Sunday. I never did hear from him.

What happened? I have no idea. If he wanted to stop dating, he had his opportunity to end things last weekend. So why apologize and say you want to continue to see me, only to stand me up a few days later? I'm not even angry at him. I am just hurt and confused.

I know we only dated for 5 weeks, but it still hurts. This is the first guy I've been excited about in a long time - like over a year. And I felt like it was really going somewhere - especially since I met his parents, sister, and friends. But apparently I was so wrong.

I guess his nickname should have been Houdini. He sure was good at the disappearing act.

****

It seems that whenever I see some of my aunts and uncles, they ask if I am dating anyone and when I respond that I'm not, the response I often get is: "Oh, but you've got that great career."

As if it is an either/or proposition. As if having a great career and dating a great guy are mutually exclusive.

I used to shake my head in disagreement when I walked away.

But I guess they were on to something. Maybe my career is all I will have.

Maybe.

I will say this - this experience with the Dog Whisperer might have been 'the final kick in the tires'. I just can't bounce back from these disappointments like I used to. I keep telling myself that I should be good at this by now. I mean, I've been through this a few times.

But no matter how many times my heart has been hurt, it feels like a fresh, brand new feeling every time.

And I am trying to believe that there is some rhyme or reason that God would keep putting me through these disappointments over and over and over again. I'd just really like a sneak peak at this master plan He has for me.

So for now, I am interpreting this as God's sign that I need to throw myself into my work and just forget about dating for awhile.

So that's what I plan on doing.

Advent Week 4: Love

I just lit the final candle of the Advent wreath; Christmas is just days away. My presents are all bought and wrapped and I am knitting up a storm, trying to finish all my ornaments before Wednesday! I'm looking forward to gathering with family on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Tonight I pause to reflect on the emphasis of the 4th week of Advent: Love. There are so many directions I could go with this post. Love, in my opinion, is the best gift you can give and receive. I am lucky to have been raised in a house filled with love. No conversation with a family member ends without an "I Love You," and my somewhat reserved father always says it when hugging me good-bye after a visit home.

This past year has taught me a lot about love. I went through a difficult break-up in January that left me feeling pretty hopeless. As the months passed by, I watched a couple of friends get married, celebrated a few friends' engagements, and learned that my baby sister was getting married next August. I was so happy for all of them but couldn't help but feel that while they were moving forward with their lives, I was standing completely still. There were a lot of tearful nights, phone calls to my mom and girlfriends, and some heavy conversations with my brother Kevin.

While I wouldn't wish to go through that break-up and its aftermath again, I have learned lessons that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I have learned that I have a family that is truly there for me. I have grown closer to my brother Kevin, and his family, and now know that if I ever feel alone or lonely, I am always welcome there. I've learned that it's ok to reach out to family and friends and that I shouldn't feel guilty for needing to do so.

I don't know what path God has chosen for my life, but I know this past year has made me a stronger, healthier, happier individual. I'm so much happier and at peace than I was last year at this time.

The love and support I have experienced over the past year doesn't even compare to the love we receive from God. God's love is never-ending and He loves us for who we are, bad habits, sins, and all. I try to focus on that whenever I am feeling down. After all, through God, all things are possible. So I will continue to put my trust in Him and will remain hopeful that 2009 will be a blessed year for me.

I'll leave you with a line of scripture that sums up the meaning of the Advent season and God's love for us.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

Advent Week 3: Joy

Week 3, with its emphasis on Joy, is upon us. This week, we light the only pink candle on the advent wreath. The purple candles represent the penitential focus of Advent. This penitential focus is usually associated with the season of Lent, but we are also called to repent and re-focus our lives during the Advent season. Week 3 comes along, though, as a sort of 'light at the end of the tunnel' - reminding us that the birth of Jesus is near.

When meditating on what it means to be Joyful this week, the bible verse that first came to me is from the book of John:

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete." (John 15: 9-11)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Advent Season!

Advent Week 2: Peace

It's hard to believe that we are already at the half-way point of the Advent Season. Christmas is sneaking up on me!

The focus of the 2nd week of Advent is Peace. I must say, I feel more 'at peace' with where I am in with my life than I have in the long time. I don't know what God has in store for me - I certainly have a 'wish list' which includes a husband and children, but for now I am completely happy with where I am at. I have an incredible family, a great group of friends, and a career that is heading in the right direction.

When I was younger, I remember asking my mom want she wanted for Christmas & often times, she'd say: Peace in this house. With 5 kids, you are bound to have the occasional squabble... And all mom wanted was an Advent Season & Christmas Holiday with no arguing & fighting. 20 years later, we are usually able to give her this... usually!

I think the best reflection of this week is St. Theresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing,

Dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

Amen

Advent Week 1: Hope

If you ask my best friend Brooke - 'what is Lisa's favorite season of the year?' - I'd bet that she'd get it right. My favorite season is Advent. Why does Brooke know this? She knows this because we traveled to Germany & Prague together 4 years ago, during the season of Advent. Let me tell you, those Europeans know how to celebrate the coming of Christmas! They had these huge, outdoor Christmas Markets with lots of hand made goods, sweets, and mulled wine (something Brooke loved). While I was there, I was searching for an Advent Calendar. I had heard about them from a friend, years ago. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to describe what I was looking for... and I didn't speak any German... So shopping for that item was a bit of a bust! Hopefully some day I'll find one, though. My understanding of said Calendar is that it is made of wood, with little doors that open. That's all I know though! So if anyone knows what I am taking about, and where I can find one, let me know!! Probably not something I need until I have kids, so I figure I have time to look for it!

Anyways. Back to the Season of Advent. I have so many fond memories of celebrating Advent as a child. Every night during Advent, we'd light the candle(s) and say a prayer. Then mom would play Christmas Carols and us kids would sing along. Seriously. As I type this, it sounds like something from a"Hallmark Special" or something! But that was my childhood. As we got older, that traditional fell by the wayside due to busy schedules and other commitments. I'll never forget those winter nights spent around the Advent Wreath, though, and hope to continue that tradition some day when I have a family.

For now, I am celebrating it on my own in my condo. Each Sunday I'll light a candle and prepare for the week of Advent. The Christmas Season always flies by; with all the holiday parties, baking, and shopping, it's easy for the days to go by in a blur. Hopefully by slowing down on Sunday and thinking about the reason for the season, it'll make time go more slowly!

The theme of the first week of Advent is "Hope." Feeling a sense of hope, in my opinion, is crucial to a person's happiness. If I am honest, there have definitely been times where I've felt a little bit hopeless. I give into those feelings during moments of weakness, but usually snap out of them quickly, most often due to a conversation with my mom, Brooke, or Heidi. If I'm feeling particularly low, I have a bible verse that I like to read. My Grandma Dotzenrod emailed it to me when I told her about my recent break-up with Ryan. I was feeling pretty darn hopeless. Grandma Janet is a wise woman though, and knew the perfect words to help comfort me and give me hope. Hopefully they help you if you are ever feeling down and hopeless.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Day 6: Catholic Faith

I am thankful that my parents introduced me to the Catholic Faith.

It is Sunday today so it seems fitting that I give thanks for the faith that was instilled in me by my parents. The Catholic faith has been central in my up-bringing. We attended Mass together, prayed before every meal, and celebrated all of the various Feast Days of the Catholic Faith together.

When I was in France this summer, I visited a few Catholic Churches and attended Mass in Lyon and Paris. Even though the language was foreign to me, the Order of the Mass was exactly the same. I think it's pretty cool that I can travel far away and still feel 'at home' in the church, regardless of the language spoken by the Priest.

I hope to some day visit the Vatican City - possibly with my mom as I am sure she would love to see it as well. In the mean time, I am hoping to visit the Vatican Splendors Exhibit at the Minnesota History Center!