What if...

There is something about this time of year that makes me nostalgic. Back in my home state of North Dakota, kids are returning to school this week. How is that possible? Wasn't it just the 4th of July yesterday?

10 years ago, I was entering my freshman year at the University of North Dakota (Go Sioux!). That summer I had somehow convinced myself that I should major in Clinical Lab Science. I did fine in Science, but it definitely wasn't my forte, so I am not sure what I was thinking. Math had always been my strongest suit, but I took zero math classes that semester since I had met all the math requirements for the Clinical Lab Science program.

As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. By not taking any math classes, I realized how much I loved the subject. I found myself tutoring people on my floor and was jealous of my friends who were taking Calculus. Yes, I realize I am weird. So after that first semester, I knew my heart belonged in Witmer Hall in those high level math classes. I declared my major and never looked back.

But 10 years later, I can't help but play the 'what if' game. What if I had taken a completely different path? I've had two separate conversations this week with a friend and a co-worker about this subject. And here is what I have come up with for potential degrees I could have pursued:

• Library Science - Ok, this is kind of obvious. I am in love with books. I think I would make a kick-arse librarian. Especially when working with kids. I'd love to introduce them to the books that turned me onto reading as a child. I would also love to work with adults, too. I love talking about books with adults and suggesting books that I think they might be interested in.
• English - Not quite sure what I would have done with this degree, but having a better command of the intricacies of the English language would make writing a book a more realistic goal. Or maybe I could be a free lance writer for a magazine. Or I could get a job as an editor. Or I could review books & write the blurbs that make people buy a book.
• Engineering - This is an obvious match for my math-loving mind. I could have still taken my favorite math classes (Calc I, II, III, and Differential Equations) but I also would have learned how to apply the math I was learning... which is not something I learned to do in my math classes unfortunately. And I could have avoided the math I didn't love (Discrete Structures)

Don't get me wrong - I don't regret getting my math degree - it stands out on my resume and is a well-respected field of study. It probably helped me stand out from other applicants when I applied for my MBA program. But it's interesting to think about what else I could have done.

If you could go back & do it over, what would you major in? If you are still in school, what is your major?

Grad Party

I'm finally getting around to posting about my graduation party. Unfortunately, I don't have very many pictures. I forgot how busy you are when you are the host! I'm not used to playing that role since my condo isn't big enough for entertaining. I look forward to buying a house down the road and hosting some parties... but probably on a smaller scale than this one!

I was super nervous about the weather, but it turned out pretty well - in the days leading up to the party, I told myself that I needed to be happy with the weather as long as it didn't rain. And luckily, it didn't rain - so I guess I can't complain. It was a big on the cool/windy side, but it was sunny - all in all, pretty darn good weather for a May day in Minnesota!

The party kicked off around 3 with a bunch of appetizers. My mom's 2 sisters were there early on Saturday and helped with all the prep work which was wonderful - as a result, I was able to sit down for a bit at the beginning of the party and get some pictures taken.

Here I am with 3 of my 4 nephews. The 2 older ones (James & Andrew) were happy to pose but Kolin had just woken up from a nap so wasn't too happy about posing... luckily my SIL had some M&M's to bribe him with!

Kolin was much happier on my dad's lap, aka the Baby Whisperer. He is so popular with the boys. They have all been so drawn to him since they were infants! I think it might be the fact that he is kind of the calmest person in our family!

My other nephew Matthew is also quite a fan of Grandpa. He gives him a stare down quite often - similar to what you see in this picture. I guess the Baby Whisperer can communicate without words or something!

The weather was cool, but that didn't keep the boys from playing with their water guns. It was fun to watch Kolin - he wanted to do whatever the older cousins were doing! James helped show him how it worked.

I got one last photo with my friend Brooke before heading in to start getting ready for the main meal. Brooke is one of my best friends - we lived together during college. She came up early that day to help get ready. I am so thankful for all the help I had! I tend to get a little bit on the stressy side, but the help from my parents, siblings, aunts, and Brooke kept me from getting stressed out!

We ate dinner around 5 - here is a picture of the spread. Needless to say, no one went hungry! My brother Kevin took care of the meat since that is his forte. He cooked up 2 pork shoulders, which is about 36 lbs of meat I think, and also bbq'd 8 chickens!!

I believe there were about 50 people there, so we had quite the crowd! Here's a shot of some of them enjoying the meal.

All in all, the day went really well. I didn't get much of a chance to visit with people, though, which I kind of felt bad about. I know that is part of being the hostess, but I still feel guilty. I guess I just need to let it go, though!

At the end of the day, we were all pretty exhausted! Here's one final shot of the Baby Whisperer reading to two of my nephews!

I think they might like books almost as much as their auntie! :)

I'll leave you with a recipe for one of the salsa I made for the party - it is sort of my signature appetizer. It's so simple, and so good!

1 can black beans, drained & rinsed
1 can corn, drained
1 red onion, diced
1-3 clovers of garlic (I use 3 but I love garlic…)
1 red pepper, diced
¼ c. finely chopped cilantro (more or less depending on how much you like cilantro!)
½ tsp. pepper
½ tsp. salt
½ tsp. cumin
½ tsp. crushed red peppers

Combine ingredients and chill before serving. I think it’s better if you make it a day ahead of time, or at least 4-5 hours ahead so that the flavors can all combine.

Enjoy!

June-a-thon

I am just days short of being one month out of grad school. And wow - the last month has flown by. Graduation feels completely official now that I've walked through commencement & hosted a party for family & friends this past week (pictures & a post to come soon...) I'm feeling a little nostalgic about the whole grad school process. I got a little bit sad when I went to campus to return my hood a few weeks ago. It's kind of like when you break up with someone and then after a few months, you kind of forget why you NEVER should have dated them in the first place... and they seem like this wonderful person.

But I've got this little thing called a ginormous student loan that keeps me from trying to 'get back together' with grad school. At times, I will wake up in the middle of the night, panicking over that student loan payment that will kick in this October. I calm myself down by reminding myself that I have increased my earning potential by getting that degree, but I'm not the most rational person at 2 am...

So those mini-panic attacks prevents me from even considering obtaining another degree. Seriously. I wouldn't be surprised if there is a betting board in Vegas on how soon I will be back in school. That was the question/on-going joke at my party last week. I got a lot of 'sure you aren't going back to school' looks. But believe me - I am done with formal education until those loans are paid off, or at least paid down considerably!

Of course, language classes are an exception to this. I fully intend to work on becoming fluent in French as soon as the thought of sitting in a classroom doesn't induce a gag reflex.

So what have I been up to during my last month of freedom? Lots of stuff. I have absolutely no trouble filling all the hours that used to be consumed by homework, class, and group projects. I read 4 books last month and started knitting a scarf.

And I ran. That was my main goal for the month, and I am pretty happy with my progress. Being the analytical person I am, I kept track of how often I ran. The final stats? I ran 14 out of 31 days. Which means I probably logged more miles in May than I did during the entire spring semester...

I'm taking it easy and am only running 3 miles each night, but I am starting to feel like a runner again. A half-marathon in the fall is looking like an attainable training goal.

I'm pretty pleased with the 14 out of 31 days of running. But it could be better.

I read a post by a local runner that has inspired me to set a goal for June. I am going to attempt to run every day in June. I think know it is possible... but it will be a challenge for me. I put my gym membership on hold, so this means I need to run, rain or sunshine. It will also force me to get up and run on the mornings when I have plans after work.

I'm borrowing her title and am calling it a June-a-thon. It will be a challenging goal, but I know I can do it. And by putting this out there in the blogosphere, I am more likely to follow through with it. There's nothing like posting about something you intend to do to keep you honest.

So here goes. I'll probably post occasionally to let y'all know how it's going. Especially if I fall off the wagon. But let's hope that doesn't happen.

After all, Abby's wedding is just over 2 months away, so it's crunch time for this maid-of-honor!

Wish me luck!

MBA Commencement

It's official - I have my masters degree. :)

I guess I needed to don a cap & gown for one final time so that it would feel official. I finished up my course work 2 weeks ago but, until today, it didn't really feel like I was 'done'.

The ceremony was this morning at 9. We really lucked out on the weather. It was sunny & gorgeous - which is sort of a rarity these days in my neck of the woods. Before I headed over to line up, my parents & I snapped a few pictures.

Dad & I

Mom & I

I lucked out & sat next to a girl that I studied abroad in Lyon with so I had someone to chat with during lulls in the ceremony. The keynote speaker was actually really good - she was one of Time magazine's people of the year in 2002 (I think?). She was one of the whistle-blowers at Enron so gave a great speech about Ethics in the workplace.

After the ceremony, I met up with my parents for some post-commencement photos and was suprised to see my aunt & uncle, Barb & Paul, walking towards me with my parents!!! They totally surprised me - I had no idea they were coming! So we snapped a few more photos before heading off to lunch.

My brother, sister-in-law, their 2 boys, and my cousin Suzanne joined us for lunch. It was nice celebrating with my family - especially my 2 nephews! I tried to get a picture with the 2 of them, but that is a bit of a tall order since they are 1 & 4!

I did manage to get a great picture with Andrew - he's doing a great "ta da" pose with his arms. What can I say - he loves the camera!!

Getting my MBA has been a wonderful challenge. As much as I have complained from time to time, I learned a lot and met a lot of really great people.

But I am definitely happy to close the book on this chapter of my life!!

Pomp & Circumstance

Does anyone else get emotional when they hear the processional march, "Pomp & Circumstance"?

Because apparently, I do. I am a total sucker for that song. Last night's mass was in honor of the home-school graduates, so they processed in at the beginning of mass to the tune of, what else, "Pomp & Circumstance."

I almost teared up. And then I thought - "Sheesh. Pull yourself together. This is ridiculous. You don't even know these kids."

I didn't even cry at my own high school graduation, so there is no reason for this song to stir up such emotions. I mean, I was pretty much void of all emotions at my own high school graduation. I didn't want to walk out of the gym at the end of the ceremony - I wanted to sprint.

That was 10 years ago, May of 1999. Tomorrow, 10 years later, I'll be walking through the ceremony where I'll receive my MBA.

So maybe Pomp & Circumstance elicited this emotional response in me because this degree was more difficult to obtain that my high school or undergraduate degrees. Sure, those degrees had their challenges. But balancing a full-time job, classes, homework & group projects, and a personal life was more challenging than I had anticipated!

But I am glad I did it. And I am glad it's over.

And I can't wait to celebrate! The ceremony is tomorrow morning at 9. Let's just hope I can keep it together through that song!

Stick a fork in me, I'm done!!

With paper-writing that is. I still have 5 weeks of classes, one midterm (which should technically be called a 3/4-term since it falls on week 10 of 14, but whatevs), and a bunch of Derivatives homework.

But the paper re-writes, which have been weighing on me, are done. I cranked out both papers today, so it's been a long day. But it's finished. I will NEVER write an academic paper again. Ever. Alleluia. I'm kicking myself for not picking up a bottle of $3 buck chuck when I was at Trader Joe's today, so I could pour myself a glass of wine and toast to being done with these damn papers. But the toasting will have to wait. Plus, it's not good to drink alone, right?

My mood has improved about 1,000-fold. Seriously. The finish line is in sight. Grad school is nearly a thing of the past. Amen. Now I can start focusing on figuring out a restaurant to go to for my Graduation Luncheon. I'll walk through on May 18th, which is 7 weeks from Monday. How lame is it that my graduation is on a Monday morning? Luckily my parents are going to come and my awesome aunt & uncle, Barb and Paul, might come too, so I'll have some fans in the audience.

Finishing this degree has been WAY more challenging than my undergrad degree. I will say that my Math Degree was more academically challenging than my MBA, but working full time and doing school part-time has made this degree tougher & more rewarding than my undergrad degree. So to reward myself, I am throwing a big party at my parents' cabin. My brother is going to bbq something amazing (he's uber talented in that department), and I am going to serve a fun drink - maybe a margarita or mojito?

Oy, I can't wait. I just hope it has warmed up by then! If I had been in a coma and woke up this week - I would have told you it's November, not March... here's hoping spring is on the horizon!

Enough with the whining...

Wow, my last post was uber whiny. I guess I was having one of 'those days'. I have this complex which I like to title the "Chicken Little Complex." I am going to assume that no matter where you lived or grew up, you read this book. In case you didn't, it's basically about a chicken that gets hit on the head by an acorn that falls out of a tree. The Chicken freaks out, gets all aflutter, and assumes, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

I think I have always sort of been like this. I remember many conversations that I had with my mom during my childhood where she'd remark, "Lisa, you are making a mountain out of a mole hill."

But I am feeling much better than I did days ago. My professor returned my email and we are meeting today at 4:30. So soon enough, that class will be history. Graduation is a mere 8 weeks away, so the finish line is in sight. I can do this.

I was thinking about the stress I was feeling yesterday and realized how trivial it is in the grand scheme of things. I have a job, a house, a car, health insurance, and money in savings. I'm sure we've all received that forward about how a shocking % of the world's population doesn't have food to eat or a warm place to sleep, etc, etc, so I am really doing pretty darn well.

And the vacation to NYC will come together, just like all of the other vacations I've taken have come together.

I just need to calm the heck down and realize that life can't always be perfectly planned and doesn't always fit in the confines of a excel spreadsheet. What can I say - I am a work in progress...

This is so my theme song right now...

Earlier this month, Jess, a blogging friend (yes, I have blogging friends - don't judge!), talked about how she sometimes thinks - if life was a movie, what song would be playing at this moment?

Being a music-lover, I sort of do the same thing.

And right now, if my life was a movie, the theme song that would be playing would be "Under Pressure" by Queen. (Btw - everytime I hear the opening sequence of the song, I immediately think of the song "Ice, Ice Baby")

Last week was spring break and I was feeling oh so carefree and stressless. Classes resumed last night, and the stress bug, or whatever you want to call it, has returned. And when I start stressing about one thing, it sort of snowballs and before you know it, I'm tossing and turning at night, worrying about the most ridiculous things.

Like last night, it dawned on me that my NYC trip is less than a month away and I have no idea what I am going to do when I am out there... I have 5 people to visit and haven't even started coordinating everyone's schedules so I can figure out who I should visit on which days while I am out there.

Then I thought - this is ridiculous. I am stressing myself out about a freaking vacation.

I know that once my strategy professor returns my phone call/email to set up a meeting to discuss my paper re-writes, I will be feeling much better. But the stress of that whole re-write situation is spreading to other areas of my life, making me feel very tightly wound and on edge about darn near everything.

And it's making me wish I could hop in a time machine, and re-do this semester. If I could do it over again, I would NEVER have taken that class & instead would have signed up for a finance one instead. So I am sort of kicking myself for registering for a class that is making my last semester of grad school pretty darn hellish.

If only said time machine existed.

Until then, I am sucking it up & waiting until the soundtrack of my life switches from something like "Under Pressure" to "A Good Day" by Priscilla Ahn... (a very good, mellow artist that is worth checking out, btw)

This should be my new mantra...

I am loving this quote mentioned here, found here.

"I must learn to love the fool in me -- the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.

It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant who I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool." -- Theodore I. Rubin, MD

Isn't that beautiful?

I am such a type-A, perfectionist. I am always trying to live a life that mirrors the 2nd paragraph of that quote: the self-controlled, masterful tyrant. The person who never fails at anything and does nothing in excess.

But it's sort of exhausting to be the perfectionist. But it's all I've ever known - I have been like this since I was a small child. A few years ago, my mom put together all of my scorecards from K-12 and gave them to me to read. It was interesting to read them - as early as first grade, my teacher was commenting, "Lisa is too hard on herself." And that comment was a central theme through my years in school.

And it's still a theme in my life. I am going through a 'character building experience' right now in Grad School. I am really struggling with my Strategy class. My professor and I are just clearly not on the same page and as a result, I have done so so so poorly on my papers. So poorly that I am meeting w/ her next Monday to talk about them so I can re-write them to improve my grade.

I talked to her this morning & tried to explain that this is just not me. I am not the student that struggles academically. I'm the annoying person who gets frustrated with an A- or got mad when she got a 94% on a Differential Equations test due to a silly mistake on one of the problems.

And I am so frustrated because I thought I was done with the paper writing & could just focus on the Derivatives Homework; which is also challenging, but in a completely different way. And is something that I sort of excel at since I am a numbers person.

So it was very timely for me to read this quote today. Because it reminds me that I still haven't really truly learned how to deal with set backs. And these set backs will help develop my humility.

And maybe someday, 10 years down the road, I'll be managing an employee who just isn't on the same page. And I will think back on how I felt being on the other side. And I will be more understanding and compassionate.

At least that is what I am telling myself now to keep that voice inside my head from saying, "You are such a failure right now."

A Change of Plans

So, I've alluded to the fact that I am a bit of a planner. Ok, I'm more than a bit of a planner. I'm a serious planner. For instance, when I was going to school at UND, by sophomore year, I basically had my schedule through Senior year planned out. And when I started my MBA at Carlson, one of the first things I did was plan out my 3 years in the program. Certain classes are only offered in the spring/fall, and I had to figure out what to take in the summer, etc. I even had it color coded, and knew what days the classes were going to fall on.

I personally think my planning abilities are one of my better traits. It's a strength of mine. It's something I use is my Finance job. So it's a good thing that I am like this.

But it also kind of sucks. Because life isn't something you plug into an Excel spreadsheet. And while I am very good at planning, I am still working on being flexible. It's something that I honestly can say I struggle with.

Well, today I learned that certain events I had 'forecasted' in this spreadsheet need to be re-forecasted. Changes I saw happening in May or June? Well, those are going to be happening in October. I think. I hope. I don't know for certain, but I have to trust. Everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan. I just wish he could email me that plan so I could have a heads up! ;) Ha.

So for now, things I had planned on happening are sort of on hold... I won't be listing my condo on Feb 1st. I probably won't be buying a house in 2009. I won't be taking that vacation to Peru. Instead, I am just going to hold tight. I am going to employ the 'wait and see' approach. I never do this. It's going to be a stretch assignment for me. But it's good to challenge ourselves.

I'm a bit bummed about this. But there are some upsides:

- I won't have to move while in grad school
- When I return from AZ, I won't have to work like a mad woman to finish the organizational projects I was working on
- I won't have to leave my house in 'showing condition' every morning starting Feb 1st. Instead I can leave it looking 'lived in'.

I have a tendency to sort of rush into things head first. Yes, I analyze the heck out of things, but I sort of have a 'bull in a China closet' approach at times. So hopefully taking a step back and putting the spreadsheets on hold will have a positive effect on 2009. I guess I have no choice to but to 'wait and see' if that is the case...

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

The closet cleaning process was oh so interesting. A pack rat I am not(at least not in my opinion); a sentimental person, I am. I hold onto letters, cards, photos, and plane tickets. I tuck them away in shoe boxes or a hat box I received for graduation, and as time passes, I forget they exist.

Until I am motivated to clean out a closet and re-discover these treasures I have tucked away. I found a lot of interesting things when cleaning on my closet, such as:

• A letter I wrote to myself in 7th grade. Back then I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician or a teacher... Now I have a math degree, almost have an MBA, and work in Finance! Not quite the life I imagined at that age! So thankful I live in a country where I don't have to choose my future career at a super young age! And I could still change my mind 10 years from now, who knows!
• The keys to my first car, a 1989 Red Toyota Celica. When my dad went to buy my car, I gave him 2 specifications: Red, please, with a working radio. Boy I had high standards back then, huh? That was the best car and actually started better than the new Honda I have since replaced it with.
• Packets of plane tickets/travel itineraries for my flight to Australia to study abroad and my 7 day tour of the south island of New Zealand. There is no practical reason to hold onto these packets but I couldn't bear to part with them. They represent such an important era of my life
• A little book given to me right before I left for my semester in Australia, filled with notes from my best girlfriends, wishing me well on my adventure.

These were so fun to look at and brought back many memories, but the best discovery was found in my living room closet.

Tucked away in a shoe box, I found the best gift I have ever received: a journal my mom kept of my senior year of high school. She journaled nearly every day, in secret, and gave this to me on the morning of my high school graduation. I hadn't read this since the day I received it, and since finding it, I'm slowly making my way through it. I'm up to March so am nearing the end.

It's not the easiest thing to read, to be quite honest. My senior year was tumultuous to say the least. Here's a cliff notes version:

Lisa dates Brian (most serious boyfriend during high school). Brian and Lisa break up. Lisa dates Brian's best friend, David. Months later, Lisa and David break up. Days later Lisa and Brian get back together. Months later, Lisa and Brian break up. Lisa dates Mitch, another guy Brian was quasi-friends with. A month later (and the day after prom), Lisa and Mitch break up. D-R-A-M-A

The journal reads like a Lifetime movie or a Soap Opera. Add in the stress of applying for colleges, a bad case of mono that kept flaring up, and the mother/daughter relationship struggles that are typical of this time of a teen girl's life, and, well, you've got the makings of a serious page turner.

It's weird to read about my 17/18-year-old self. In many ways, I am way more independent than I was back then (thank God). But I still have some shared traits. Like how I fall in love so easily and wear my heart on my sleeve. Or how I still struggle with arguing with a parent or boyfriend without interpreting everything they say in the worst possible way.

I'm so thankful for this journal. I hope that someday, when I hopefully have a daughter of my own, I will be to pay this forward to her.

Vacation on the brain...

With the temperature dropping and the days getting shorter, I've got one thing on my mind... VACATION! Add to that the fact that I entering the home stretch of my MBA program, and, well, you've got a one-tracked mind gal...

Vacation planning is one of my favorite things to do. My mom once commented in a Christmas letter that if I could find a way to travel the world and go to school for a living, that's what I'd do!! True observation, Mom. I have the travel bug. I caught it back in the spring of 2001. I went on my first overseas trip to visit my friend Nicole in London. Despite many 'inoculatory' factors (Yes, I think I just made a word up... what's up, Webster's Dictionary!), from 9/11 to buying a home to running out of single friends to travel with, the bug is incurable. 7 years later, and I am still going strong!

So, I will finish my MBA program in May. I have worked really hard, balancing work, school, and family obligations. Pepper in a couple unsuccessful forays into finding Mr. Right, and you've got a veritable smorgasbord (orgasbord) of stress, anxiety, and moments of self-doubt. And yah, I did go on a kick-arse trip to France, but that also involved 2 weeks of putting up with the bureaucracy that is the French education system. So I've earned another trip right (go ahead, nod along with me). Does this sound convincing or what?

So while visions of these

(sugar plum fairies) dance in the heads of other during this Holiday Season...

I'll be dreaming of these potential trips:

Contestant #1: Machu Picchu, Peru

Contestant #2: Cinque Terre, Italy

Contestant #3: Croatia

Contestant #4: Algarve, Portugal

I'm open to suggestions... I'm just in the 'option gathering' phase right now. I don't have a lot of parameters for this trip. Just these: Not super far away (Asia's out) , not a country I've been to (Germany, UK, Czech Rep, France, Switzerland), NOT romantic. The not romantic is probably the top one on the list, actually. I'll likely be doing this trip solo, which I am pleased as punch about since I discovered this summer that I actually LOVE traveling alone (although I could use a personal photographer so I don't have a disproportional number of scenery photos that are interesting to only me...)

So suggest away!!