Friday, January 23, 2009

Traditions & Milestones

I'm not quite done recapping my Phx trip, still have one more post to put out there! I have yet another out-of-town weekend to think about for now - a trip to GF. That's Grand Forks for those of you who didn't have the privilege of going to UND or living in North Dakota.

That's right. I'm going to GF in January. Am I crazy? Perhaps. Yes, it will be freaking cold. But it has become a tradition which has been titled, "Winter Homecoming." Each year, a group of my college friends heads up to GF sometime in January to take in a Hockey game and attempt to re-create the past.

I am a late adapter of this tradition, this is only my 2nd annual trip, but it's the 6th annual Winter Homecoming for the original group. Which means - holy crap - we've been out of undergrad for 6 freaking years!! Where did the time go??

Last night, I had the hardest time falling asleep. All I could think about was January of 2008 and my first Winter Homecoming experience.

Last year, it couldn't have come at a better time. Ryan and I had broken up the week before. I needed this diversion. I needed to be around a group of fun college friends to help mend my broken heart. It really, really helped.

As I was tossing and turning last night, I was asking myself - is tomorrow the one year anniversary of our break up? I could not remember if it was this Friday or last Friday.

After looking at my calendar & old emails I have confirmed that it was last Friday. The one year mark came and went without any discussion of Ryan or the break-up or anything. Which is a pretty big deal for me since I am the kind of person who typically remembers dates like the date of a break-up and has a tendency to re-hash the details.

It's interesting to compare where I am today to where I was last year at this time. I'm not going to lie - I was in a major funk January - June of 2008. My major turning point was my trip to France - and I thank God for that trip.

It really turned things around and made me realize that there are things far worse than being single. Like being in an unfulfilling relationship.

I do miss Ryan at times, but I really don't miss who we were together. Our relationship wasn't bad, it just wasn't great. And certainly not good enough to make a strong marriage. 80% of our relationship was great, but that other 20% that wasn't great, and that 20% would have made for a long and unfulfilling life together. We would have been settling if we had stayed together. And I am proud of us for making the tough decision to break up.

What I miss more than Ryan is all the other stuff that came with being in a relationship with him. I miss his roommates and friends. I miss the occasional email with his dad (who totally got my sarcastic sense of humor). I miss his sisters.

But the relationship in general? No, I don't miss that. I am so thankful that I have made it to a point where I can look at my life and say - if this is all it ever ends up being, I am ok with that. Yes, I am hopeful that I will some day get married and have children of my own.

But if it doesn't happen, I won't consider my life a complete and utter failure... I definitely couldn't have said that last year at this time.

And yes, I sometimes complain about the fact that I am almost 28 and single. It's at times like that when I need to go back and read this post, so I can remember - there are things worse than being single.

Which is why I am writing this heavier blog post. Because that's what blogging is about at times - sometimes you need to put your thoughts/feelings into writing so that 2 weeks or 20 months from now, you can go back and read it and remember how you felt. And look at the progress you've made.

The growing pains of last year weren't fun to go through. But going through them makes me appreciative of the ease of life I am experiencing now.

I'm sure I'll have some good stories and photos to post after this weekend! Have a great weekend & for those in the Midwest - stay warm!!


Meg said...

first nice work on the 20+ days w/o mt dew! i remember when you quit in college.. or cut down! :) love the pics from you trip! looks like fun there! and sunny---i am jealous! and yeah can you beleive that girl on the bachelor?!?! she is a little too in to herself! and why did he keep her?!?!?!?

aimee said...

i think it's a good sign that the one year mark came and went and you didn't even realize it at the time. you obviously aren't dwelling on the break-up, and that's a good thing!

being single has it's up and down's but being in a relationship does too. i think the grass is always greener on the other side. right now, i'm taking a break from dating because i need one. but after that, i think i might try internet dating and then write all about it in my blog..just for fun (well, also in hopes that i meet someone cool)! you should do it too!

i hope you have a great weekend! it sounds like a really good time.

Unknown said...

I am proud of you, Lisa. And, happy for you, too. This will be a good year for you, I think! I look forward to your graduation party!!!