Oh hey, it's the 2nd week of February and here I am posting about my word for 2022! I knew this was my word early on in January but it's taken awhile for me to organize my thoughts about this word/how I want to live it out in 2022.
I've been thinking about connection for the last couple of months. This line of thinking was sparked by my decision to go off social media in early December. I've taken several breaks in the past. I gave up social media for Lent for the last several years and took November 2020 off because even seeing posts from those with similar political views were stressing me out! But I've always come back after those sabbaticals. This time around, my break is indefinite and possibly permanent. Time will tell.
So what prompted this change? I started to think about how engaging on social media truly made me feel. Prior to giving it up, I limited myself to 20 minutes/day between Facebook and Instagram. 20 minutes/day doesn't seem like that much time in the grand scheme of things - but that adds up to about 10 hours over the course of the month. So I asked myself if those ~10 hours were fulfilling and net positive for my mental health. The answer was - not really. I love seeing pictures of friends and family but I was glancing at/liking those photos and occasionally commenting but I wasn't engaging with friends in a meaningful way most of the time. I would have had to allow myself more time on social media/day to comment/respond to comments but that can quickly get out of hand.
Additionally, I have become increasingly disappointed in the actions of Facebook/Instagram, especially as it relates to the spread of disinformation. But in particular, the impact of social media on young people is particularly concerning. We watched the documentary, Social Dilemma, which looks at how problematic social media is but especially focuses on the impact on the mental health of children/young adults. I am so so glad that I did not have social media as a tween/teen/young adult. Figuring out how to handle it for our children is going to be very challenging. Luckily we have time to figure this out, though, since our kids are young. But I didn't feel great using a platform that I am disappointed in, so that was another reason to take a break.
So back to my word of the year - connection. I knew that being off social media would require me to be more intentional about connecting with family and friends. I can no longer quickly glance at a profile to see what is happening in others' lives. So each month, one of the boxes in my monthly overview focuses on connections and who I intend to connect with that month. February connections are with far-away friends - who I all met through blogging, by the way - so they are all via zoom/FaceTime. I've also planned an in-person coffee date for tomorrow with a blog reader that lives in my neighborhood (hi, Anne!). As the weather warms here, more connections will hopefully shift to in-person walks/coffees/etc.
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| Planned January connections are in the lower right box - I've added to this list since taking the photo, though. |
"It's okay to let people find you. You don't have to spread yourself so thin you become invisible. You don't have to always be the person reaching out. You can sometimes allow yourself to be reached. As the great writer Anne Lamott puts it: Lighthouses don't go running all over an island for boats to save; they just stand there shining."
I don't want this to come off as me methodically tracking who reaches out to me or who initiates contact. But I don't want to always be the one reaching out/trying to make plans. I'm naturally good at this so it can be easy to just take that on. I recognize that people go through seasons of life where they are less likely/able to reach out - and I felt that way for much of last year. But I just want to make sure I'm investing time in relationships where I feel the effort reciprocated.
I'm sure I will report back on how my focus on connection is playing out! I'm also making sure I apply this focus to my relationships with Phil and the boys. With Phil, I want to try to bring back our old habit of playing games together which fell off after we got married/started a family. And I'd like to do some afternoon "dates" with Paul, too. Will gets plenty of focus from me already since he requires so much attention and care (and nurses)! I'm excited to see how I feel at the end of the year and whether I feel pulled back to social media. But I've been off for 2 months now and the longer I am away, the less I miss it.
Did you pick a word of the year?
12 comments:
I love this! You put this so well. I especially like how really thought about your social media use and its role in your overarching goal of better connection. I haven't posted about my word of the year yet, either! I have several "new years" topics I just never got around to posting about it, but still want to. Definitely report back on how it's going! Great idea to make check boxes to help be more intentional about it. I feel like "connection" is an area that could be so easy to SAY you're going to do something about, but then end up....not. :) The famous words when you run into someone... "We should get together sometime!" "Oh yeah, totally! That'd be great!" (Narrator: They never get together.) 😂 Haha. Will be looking forward to hearing how it goes. I'm not naturally very social and I don't find that I really crave connection in that same way, so this would probably not be a natural goal for me. But they say people with strong social connections live longer! So maybe I should reconsider this personality trait of mine. LOL.
That's a good one and as Kae said, well put. A word. I have one. I've had it since December but it's such a negative word in a way that I am hesitate to vocalize and commit to it. It's "Endure." I just feel like I need to just keep plugging on, endure whatever is coming. Get through it. Endure sounds like such a slog -- but plodding along can be. It's the end goal that matters and if you have to endure to get to it, then there you are. I keep looking at positive words like "perseverance" and "determination" and "onward!" But right now, it just feels like "endure."
This is a great word of the year! I agree social media doesn't have many meaningful interactions for me either, but I do still find some enjoyment from a few Facebook groups I am in. I don't have a word this year, I was all in on resolutions for a while, but they have really fallen to the wayside for me. And I'm pretty ok with it.
You are so organized! I love it. And I owe you an email :-)
This is a great post, Lisa! I have The Comfort Book on order at the library and I'm so excited to read it - and love the quote you included in this post.
I haven't been on social media in over a decade and the way we discuss it in our house is if would have a net positive or net negative impact. There are some GREAT aspects to social media and there have been times I've really wished I had accounts (I have definitely missed out on some social interactions because of this because some of my friends from university basically only want to communicate via social media). That said, there are a lot of not-great aspects to social media and when I lay it all out, I'm certain it would be a net negative for me.
My word(s) for this year are Be Kind!
I am so glad I went to college before social media existed! The stunts we pulled..... ugh
Oh, I am so glad there was no social media when I grew up. Most of my connections are far away (unfortunately), so keeping up with social media seems necessary but I've gotten so frustrated with all the sponsored and "suggested" content and have to sift through everything to find the posts from people I am really interested in.
I definitely have to rethink my habits in this regards and maybe even "unfollow" a bunch of people.
I love your word choice for 2022 and how you're going to work on the connections in your life in a different way.
I think about that all the time, imagining what it would have been like to have social media back in the 80s and 90s when I was growing up. THANK GOD WE DIDN'T. That said, I do like my social media - FB and IG - but I definitely limit my usage, and make sure I actually ENJOY my usage. I quit twitter last summer, deleted my account, and it was the best thing I have done for my mental health in a long time. Twitter is a literal cesspool.
What a great idea for connection!
I don't really have a word for this year; maybe it will be something like "purge." I always do a yearly purge in Jan/Feb and every year I give more stuff away and most years I also make plans to not acquire more stuff, yet I still don't seem to be paring it down much. This year, I decided to really dig deeper and let go of some of the things I have been keeping for no reason (Boston Marathon program for example). Now that most things can be found on the internet, things like manuals or recipes don't really need to be kept in hard copy. Each month, I plan to get rid of, donate, tidy or clean one aspect of my life (including electronic).
As we discussed, I love your word and think it is a great idea to get rid of or moderate social media. I have always really cherished phone calls or texts for my birthday rather than Facebook, since a lot of stuff on Facebook just seems less intentional if that makes sense. Having less but more meaningful connections is my preference. However, what we did not discuss was the two way street thing! I am really struggling with that too, as I am generally the planner / one who reaches out and if I don't it sometimes seems like the other people "don't care." Although I am sure some of them just aren't that type of personality, sometimes it gets old, always being the one who "does all the work." It is hard for me to determine if I want to keep reaching out to some people after not getting much effort back from them.
As always, your posts make me think! I hope you have a great weekend!
In regards to games, Kaylee is finally at the age where she’s able to play more adult ones. Ticket to Ride Jr is good. It’s basically the same as the adult version, but takes less time. Also, we’ve played Splendor with her a couple times. While I still think you and Phill, playing together is good, in not too long you’ll be able to actually start including Paul in games too!
Now that Instagram is pivoting more and more to video, it seems like it's become less and less about connecting with others. It's really disappointing. I like having a place to talk about my life and upload pictures - I have no intention of becoming someone who does a bunch of Reels all the time, ugh - but I find myself connecting with people less on Instagram than ever before. It does make me wonder what would happen if I just gave it up! Or maybe I just need to cull who I'm following so it feels less cluttered.
I also have a lot of thoughts about "connection is a two-way street" because that is SO true. As someone who is really bad about reaching out to others (it's not intentional, promise!), I always feel like I need to exercise my "reaching out" muscle to ensure I'm not making my friends feel as if this is all one-sided. I'm trying to be better about that!
I did not pick a word. I would forget about it right away because it's not something I immediately focus on. I've learned that about myself. I also suck at connecting with people and without social media, I would most likely only speak to my husband and my parents. Mostly because of where I am at in life right now and covid, but also just my personality. I have a few friends that the extent right now is send funny memes and maybe or maybe not talk more after that via text. It took my one friend and I 4 months to plan a dinner awhile ago because covid and life. ugh. But yes, i spend far more time on social media a month than you did and without it, i'd probably become more hermitty.
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