Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Re-surfacing of an Ex

I've mentioned in other posts, like this one, that I am not on speaking terms with my last boyfriend. We haven't spoken since last February and the last email exchange occurred last April.

So it's been awhile since I've had any communication with him. It was tough to completely cut Ryan out of my life. We were best friends before we started dating and probably ate lunch together 3-4 times/week (we worked together, but don't anymore). So it was difficult and sad to completely ax him out of my life. But it was what I needed to do last spring, so I could move forward with my life.

It was best for me, but it wasn't easy. There were a lot of times when I so badly wanted to talk to him. Like when I became an aunt again last April. Or when something really good happened to me last November.

Or when my Grandpa died last month. Ryan had met my Grandpa. He knew how much he meant to me. I'll never forget the day I introduced Ryan to my Grandparents. We went over to their house when we were home one weekend. My Grandpa totally gave him the firm handshake and said something like, 'You take care of this one, she's special.' He said it in a light tone, but you knew the man meant what he said! When I was at my Grandma's when I was home for the funeral, we reminisced about that meeting.

I have had alot of support from friends/family since my Grandpa's passing, but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking - "I wish I could call Ryan and tell him about this."

Then I talked to my mom this week and she had some surprising news. They had received a Sympathy card from Ryan. A day later, I also received one. I was so touched by this act of kindness - it was so unexpected, but meant so much.

It was also kind of hard - in an effort to get over the relationship, I had focused on all the bad parts of the relationship and sort of made him into a bit of a monster in my mind.

But then he did something like this and it reminded that he really is a good, kind person. No, we were not right for each other romantically, but he was a very good friend of mine.

So I sent him an email, thanking him for the Sympathy card. And we've emailed back and forth a few times. It's bugged me that we weren't on speaking/emailing terms since he was such a good friend before we dated, so it has been nice to hear from him. We've exchanged a few emails and given each other the 'nickel tour' of the last year of our lives.

It's been nice to re-connect. I've healed from the hurts of that relationship and have come out a stronger, healthier person. It'd be nice if we could figure out some way to have some semblance of a friendship. I don't know if that is possible, and I won't know unless we give it a shot.

For now, the lines of communication are open. So we'll see where it goes. I'm friends with Brian, my high school boyfriend, and my pre-dating friendship with Ryan is very similar to that friendship with Brian, so maybe we can figure out a way to be friends.

And maybe we won't. But I won't know unless we try. Time will tell.


Amber said...

That was very kind of him to send you guy's sympathy cards.

I think it's a good idea to take it really slow and be wary, but I hope it all works out and you guys can be friends again!

Jess said...

I hope you guys are able to be friends if that is what you want, even if it is tough at first. It is hard to completely cut off contact with someone who was your friend, on top of being your boyfriend. I think that if both parties are mature enough to move on from the past and forge a new type of friendly relationship, it's a good thing.

aimee said...

that was really thoughtful of him!! maybe now that all the wounds are healed from the breakup, you can go back to being friends. i don't think there is anything wrong with that. sometimes it does take a year of no contact to heal and grow.