Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Fool me twice, shame on me

Last week after the Dog Whisperer & I worked things out, I deleted the post where I talked about the initial communication snafu and the post where I talked about second chances. I figured that I should take them down on the off chance that he found this blog and read them. Now I don't care if he finds this. So read away, Dog Whisperer.

When we left off, he had apologized for not calling me back and I had apologized for reacting like I did. He said he wanted to continue to date and see where this could go.

I really thought we were going to move forward from this. He called me early Wednesday morning to tell me to have a good day so I thought - 'yes! He gets what I was saying about communication being important!'

We chatted again on Thursday night and I suggested that we go out for dinner on Saturday night. He thought that sounded good and said he'd call to confirm plans on Saturday afternoon.

I went to church on Saturday night at 5 and had yet to hear from him. When we talked on Thursday I told him I'd be going to church & would most likely meet up with him after that, so I was trying to remain positive and hopeful - thinking maybe he would call during church or was assuming I'd just come over after church.

I sat down in my pew in church and started perusing the bulletin. An excerpt from Psalm 126 was on the front of the bulletin. It reads as follows:

"The Lord has done great things for us;
we are glad indeed...
Those that sow in tears shall reap rejoicing.
Although they go forth weeping,
carrying the seed to be sown,
They shall come back rejoicing,
carrying their sheaves."

I read that and thought - wow, that's probably foreshadowing for how the rest of my night is going to go.

And it was - there were definitely some tears on Saturday night.

I called the Dog Whisperer after church at 6 - no answer. So I left a message, asking him what time he wanted to meet up for dinner. He never called on Saturday night. He never called on Sunday. I never did hear from him.

What happened? I have no idea. If he wanted to stop dating, he had his opportunity to end things last weekend. So why apologize and say you want to continue to see me, only to stand me up a few days later? I'm not even angry at him. I am just hurt and confused.

I know we only dated for 5 weeks, but it still hurts. This is the first guy I've been excited about in a long time - like over a year. And I felt like it was really going somewhere - especially since I met his parents, sister, and friends. But apparently I was so wrong.

I guess his nickname should have been Houdini. He sure was good at the disappearing act.


It seems that whenever I see some of my aunts and uncles, they ask if I am dating anyone and when I respond that I'm not, the response I often get is: "Oh, but you've got that great career."

As if it is an either/or proposition. As if having a great career and dating a great guy are mutually exclusive.

I used to shake my head in disagreement when I walked away.

But I guess they were on to something. Maybe my career is all I will have.


I will say this - this experience with the Dog Whisperer might have been 'the final kick in the tires'. I just can't bounce back from these disappointments like I used to. I keep telling myself that I should be good at this by now. I mean, I've been through this a few times.

But no matter how many times my heart has been hurt, it feels like a fresh, brand new feeling every time.

And I am trying to believe that there is some rhyme or reason that God would keep putting me through these disappointments over and over and over again. I'd just really like a sneak peak at this master plan He has for me.

So for now, I am interpreting this as God's sign that I need to throw myself into my work and just forget about dating for awhile.

So that's what I plan on doing.


J said...

I have been reading your blog since you were in Runners Lounge - Sorry for not commenting earlier!

Don't give up on dating! You never know what will happen! My mom swore she would never date again and then she met my father! Have faith - you never know what is in store for you!

Nicole said...

That is such a bummer! I know that "bummer" doesn't even begin to describe it, but still. I know that everyone always says you'll find it when you're not looking, blah blah blah, but that's what happened with me. I think it'll do you good to focus on you and hopefully someone will just surprise you someday. Just keep an open heart and keep trusting in God.

Mama Nastase said...

Lisa, I wish I were there to give you a big hug. I've been there...and that "heart hurt" feeling just sucks.

The Dog Whisperer's inexplicable disappearance is baffling. I would try to not give it any more energy attempting to understand. Sometime's behaviors are beyond understanding. (I say "try", because I am sure that I would keep obsessing about it, looking for clues and wanting to understand, because that's how I am.)

I disagree that relationship or career are mutually exclusive...but I do think that focusing on your new position and new company is a good distraction right now.

Face it, you are a world traveling, marathon running, highly educated, successful, independent, beautiful young woman with a multitude of interests, hobbies and talents. You are extremely intimidating to most men. However, that *one* who I know is out there. He is going to come into your life and inspire you into greater things. He's going to be amazing, too. He'll have to be, to keep up with you!

I am incredibly impressed and inspired...and touched by your honesty and openess in this post.

Mandy said...

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug. I am sorry the Dog Whisperer turned out to be so lousy.

You never know whats right around the corner. Focus on doing what you love -- running, spending time with family and friends. As someone else said, just keep an open heart.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about feeling like you should be used to the hurt & confusion but I think the fact that we continue to feel that way is good. I know, that sounds odd but at least we are human, we have feelings and are passionate people which are all excellent qualities to have in my humble opinion. While I know this doesn't help, his loss and he doesn't make any sense to me either unfortunately :-/

I also know how you feel about the work/relationship discussion. It's so frustrating to think that we can't have both or that people think we can't have both because we can and we should be able to!

It's totally okay to take some time to focus on whatever it is that you love and the rest will fall into place. No telling when or how, but it will.

Big hugs!

Little Fish said...

This makes me want to cry because a. you deserve better and I hate that you're hurt and b. I feel like I could've (and have) written this post myself. The worst part when they just stop calling is the disrespect. Like you thing I am so worthless that you couldn't pick up the phone and say, "listen I'm just not in to this." To me that would hurt a lot less, but the truth is that, as crappy as it may make you feel, you are not the problem! He is the problem.

Even though you can't see it right now, you will bounce back! You will have your happy ending. He, on the other hand, will probably always be an emotionally immature coward!


Abby said...

His sudden disappearance is so strange and makes absolutely no sense. It had to have been a personal issue with himself. If he had any ounce of integrity and tact in his body he would stand up to his own issues. You obviously have intimidated him. He knew in his heart you have an amazing thing--and is too coward to simple call you?

You are in my prayers and thoughts all week! I am sorry you have to feel this way, Lisa. You don't deserve it.

I am so proud of your attitude you ultimately have. Keep your head up, stay the amazing person you are, focus on the new job, do amazing in your half-marathon this weekend.

When you're built back up and in your life--someone will come around. You are truly an amazing catch! Love you and wish I could give you a big hug!

aimee said...

what is this guys problem?! seriously. he's making me so mad! i'm sorry this happened..again. i know exactly how you're feeling because i've been there. many times. keep your head up, girl. you deserve a great guy and you will meet him someday.

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

OH geez, what is wrong with this guy? Do you think he's just afraid of confrontation? I don't understand why he couldn't just be honest. I bet he will pop back up sometime, so be prepared. If it were me, I wouldn't even give him the time of day by answering the phone.
I think you should interpret this as God's plan, period. Yes, he puts these things on you to make you stronger, build compassion...etc, etc, etc, but looking into the reason behind it will only frustrate you more. Just keep faith that he does have the right plan for you and it will happen! I don't think we can wait for it all to happen though without a little work on our part and what you did with the Dog Whisperer was so brave and admirable I think you should definitely do it again if the opportunity arrives!!! Its hard to take risks but we have to if we want anything great!! :)
I'm with you on the career thing... my family does the same thing. I love my career and it's very clear in my personality and how I carry myself because I talk about it a lot. It's true it does seem like it has to be one or the other but I'm not accepting that! That's just not fair! We CAN have both and will! :)
Keep your chin up... each guy that fails to win your hear just gets you one step closer to your prince! :)

Anais said...

Maybe his dog ate him. I hope so.

I think you can have both career and love, it's not either or. You're such a great, beautiful, strong woman, you just haven't found the guy who will be lucky enough to have you :)

Kelly said...

Absolutely weird- I mean seriously, he could've just ended it earlier like you said. Sometimes I really do not understand guys. The good news is, right around the point where we all give up is usually the time we find the perfect person so lets hope thats the class for you!

Becky said...

Okay I had two reactions to this post. 1) I want to punch this guy in the face (with a huge ring on my finger), and 2) I want to reach through the computer and give you a big hug!

You definitely deserve better and I'm sorry you have to feel this way! I can't think of anything better except to say hang in there and we're all here for you!

Amber said...

OK, first, I want to say that I choked on my water when I read Anais' comment.

I hope his dog ate him, too.

Moving on, I know that you are hurt right now and I definitely think that focussing on your new job and life is a good idea. But don't close your heart off entirely. The right guy WILL come along, probably when you're least expecting it!

You're such a fabulous person and I know that you will find someone!!


Meg said...

you totally deserve better than "the dog whisperer". and you will find him. maybe you already have! :) i love reading your blog--you have not idea how inspirational you are to all who read this and truely an amazing writer!!! xoxoxo

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

I kinda like Anais's comment!

Cherry Blossoms said...

I like Anais's answer as well. Too bad he doesn't know what he is missing out. But on the bright side you are one step closer to that happy ending!

Katie said...

It's so frustrating to be hurt time and time again. I've been there, I am there, and I suspect I'll be here for awhile.

It sucks to be in the place where you have hope, and then have it ripped out from under you.

Things will work out. God is there and will teach you how to hope. And carry you through the times you need to let Him carry your hope.

Also, and I really hate to say this because I'm no saint. But after reading Little Fish's comment I just have to ask what is wrong with boys our age? The blow off without the phone call is beyond junior high-ish. It speaks volumes more about them than it does either of you amazing women.

Marlys said...

Lisa, as your Mom I really feel your pain! But, truly, this guy has big issues and you are much better off without him. I agree with the advice to not answer his phone call if he does try to make contact with you. Let him call, oh, maybe 100 or more times! And I loved the remark about his dog eating him - that is too cute! You have to trust that God will show His plan for you. Completely trust in that, and submit to His will. It's so hard, but, like you said, He does have a plan for you! I pray for you every day! The Mass readings this week have been based a lot on Hope and that is what you need as despair leads you no where! God bless and let Him wrap his arms around you!